The Ravages of Anal Cancer

By Scott R
April 6 2006

I’m sure every Newcastle supporter subjected to a certain journalist’s articles in a certain local rag can think of one person who has this disease as, unfortunately, it is us who must suffer its ravages. If you can’t here’s a clue. Surname begins with O and ends with liver (Liver – something else that leaves an awful aftertaste. Coincidence?)

A painful disease and one, amazingly, that’s missing from medical textbooks.

Symptoms include:

Vastly inflated sense of self importance
Inability to go more than 5 minutes without defecating from the mouth
Convenient memory syndrome
Cockney like delusion levels

I’m sure every Newcastle supporter subjected to a certain journalist’s articles in a certain local rag can think of one person who has this disease as, unfortunately, it is us who must suffer its ravages. If you can’t here’s a clue. Surname begins with O and ends with liver (Liver – something else that leaves an awful aftertaste. Coincidence?)

It’s bad enough that the incompetent fool has been given the forum to air his ignorance, sway the credulous and fool the fools but if his claims are true then our “esteemed” Chairman is one of his victims. Week after week a different mediocre manager is named as a “done deal”, anonymous “insider sources” who just so happen to be equally contradictory are trotted out with diarrheic regularity, players are criticized for refusing to speak to the idiot and unpopular regimes undermined with his learning difficulty hindered Machiavellian scheming.

Its quite tempting to blame the phenomenon on the no mark nature of local journalism. After all, the equally stupid Chris Bascombe has the same status on Merseyside although he, in contrast, seems to be the clubs very own Iraq propaganda minister.

The man is of no use to the fans or the club. Quite the opposite he is a mill stone round our neck, like the fat man who makes all the managerial blunders.

On behalf of Newcastle fans everywhere I invite you to partake of a shot gun mouthwash Oliver. Do the world and Newcastle United a favour.