Not Enough Chiefs: Quins 70-5 Exeter Chiefs

By DOK
October 24 2005

We took our seats for the Harlequins vs. Exeter Chiefs game with hopeful predictions of a win by as many as 22 points buzzing round our heads. Had you offered me this before the game and provided we scored 4 tries, I'd have taken your offer.

In the event we were treated to such a feast of tries and champagne rugby that the kids in the North Stand got bored of watching tries and began trying a Mexican Wave! Yes, there's been this recognition since the start of the season that the team has not played to anywhere near its potential. In patches, for a few minutes maybe, but no consistent 80 minutes performance where we fired on all six cylinders. Well, Exeter were the unlucky recipient of the sleeping giant starting to wake. There are still areas we can improve in but forwards and backs worked as a team to put one of our possible "bogey teams" to the sword in no uncertain fashion.

Following discussion with Tony Copsey over the lack of a beer tent for those great unwashed in the West Stand not allowed in the Members' bar, my brother and I made our own arrangements!

DOK's brother prepared for the game ©DOK

The PA system was connected this week; I could hear Mad Max's dulcet tones chivvying people to their seats "NYEEOWWWWW!" On the message board I'd nailed my colours to the mast with a statement we were a Premiership side playing an ND1 side, would the team prove me to be right?

It was noticeable how relaxed Dean Richards and co were looking before the game. Deano was smiling and signing autographs with the fans, although his mind must have been elsewhere. There followed the minute's silence, which I found very moving.

Vos challenges from the kick off ©Dan/wooller.com

Well, kick off put down a marker for what was to come. Mehrtens put the ball high, the team set off at a gallop and Andre Vos entirely legally (of course) smashes their no 13 to the ground and we gain possession. Comment from the crowd behind me "We've killed one already".

At the line out in their 22 by the East Stand, Simon Miall steals the ball, but we get pinged for numbers. We regain possession and Mehrtens makes a great break, but knocks on. It's all pressure on the Chiefs at the moment. Scrum looks solid, I start to wonder what happened to this vaunted tight five who were going to marmelise us?

Then it's a try! Some slick passing, Mehrtens passes to Jim Evans and he crashes over. 5-0 with only 6 minutes of the game gone and soon to be 7-0, surely. Then a very strange thing happens, Andrew Mehrtens misses a conversion! Oh well, even the Gods have off days and he's had his miss for this year! Might as well get it out of the way here!

Jim Evans stretches full length to score ©Dan/wooller.com

After Andre Vos gathers for us at the restart, the Chiefs regain possession. They go left, go right and left again but find it difficult to make the hard yards. Eventually they cough up possession and Mehrtens pins them back with an exquisite kick from hand that loses them all their hard won advantage. This pattern will be repeated over the afternoon.

Their no 8 goes on a rampaging run from their 22, and is only stopped by a crunching tackle from Tani Fuga. We've been playing about 10 minutes now and although I know they're around, I haven't heard the Exeter fans at all. (I should point out for Exeter fans I'm in the middle of the West Stand so if you were elsewhere screaming your heads off I might not have heard).

At about this time (10 minutes into the game) the flow of people trying to cross the gates from South to North finally stops! It's quite a good spectator sport watching people's reaction to being told to go all the way round the back of the stand!

15 minutes in we steal another line out. It ends up with Steve So'oialo going on a tremendous run, he passes to Ugo and he goes over in the left hand corner. "Half way to the bonus point I think". Amazingly enough Mehrtens misses again.

Mehrts congratulates Ugo after his score ©Prof

After the restart there's a rolling maul, fists start to fly Jim Evans ends up on the floor. The Exeter No 3 George Davis gets a talking to from Ashley Rowden and we get a penalty. So back we go to the Chief's 22. From the resulting line out it comes though the backs to Ugo who is stopped 5 metres short. He recycles the ball, a hole appears in the defensive line and Tani Fuga crashes over.

Ugo helps Tani up after he wreaks devastation on the Exeter defence ©Prof

Speaking of things appearing...while Mehrtens gets ready to miss another, there's a waiter walking along the front of the West Stand with two pints of bitter on a tray! He attracts a fair amount of attention needless to say. Then he comes up the aisle next to me (and my brother), checks the seat nos are correct and offers me the beers saying "with the compliments of Tony Copsey!". How nice is that? Tony Copsey is grinning like a loon over at the dugout area - I try and signal my appreciation! Thanks TC, that was brilliant, just brilliant! (See, sometimes it is worth complaining!)

Andrew Mehrtens might not be able to hit a cow's arse with a banjo from the tee today, but his kicking from hand continues to frustrate the Chiefs and take pressure off us. They do a brilliant kick for touch, which just rolls and rolls and eventually goes over on about our 5-metre line. We just gather the ball, pass it to Mehrtens, he boots it back the other side of half way and so it goes on.

There was a neat moment just after this when Exeter were penalised for pulling down a rolling maul. There was a bit of handbags between Simon Miall and their no 4. When Ash remonstrated with the No 4 he went down on one knee, presumably indicating he was injured but looking for all the world from the West Stand like a proposal of marriage!

Nick Easter powers over to score ©RobShew

On the stroke of 40 minutes, there's a squeeze play on the Exeter scrum and Nick Easter powers over for a classic no 8 try. Stone me! First half and we've got the bonus point.

Mel Deane is helped off the pitch after a nasty eye injury ©Prof

After the restart Mel Deane is thundering up the left wing only to be stopped by an illegal tackle while the assistant ref looks on contentedly. He gets up OK, but goes down shortly after this and is subbed by Mike Brown. Harlequins carry on where we left off, Keogh rockets through the defensive line, passes to Gavin Duffy who goes over. Mehrtens converts his first one of the day and the teams go in 27-0.

Duffy scores much to the delight of Mehrtens ©RobShew

Half time! You know what happens now. Deano empties the subs bench, we lose our shape, we don't score any more tries, they get a couple of consolation tries and we all go home feeling slightly frustrated with the second half. This is the picture I share with my brother as we stand in the South West corner with a couple of cigars. How wrong I was and how little I realised what a good positional move we'd just executed!

Almost immediately from the restart, the ball goes down the line to Ugo. He hits the after burners and dances down the far touchline to dab it down. Unbelievable - another try.

Ugo is congratulated for another score ©Prof

Six minutes later and we have a line out on the Exeter 22, Luke Sherriff gets hold of it the defence must have been expecting a pass out or something, he breaks the line and thunders over for another try. This is nearer the posts and Mehrtens gratefully converts it!

Sherriff somersaults over the line to score ©Prof

Ugo then repeated his earlier performance to seal his hat trick. Try in the left hand corner. Mehrtens converts it.

Ugo scores again ©Barquin Mad

Then came the try of the second half for me. Mehrtens gets the ball on the left hand side somewhere by the Exeter 22. He puts up a cross-field kick coming straight towards me! Damn I thought. That's too heavy and the bloke following up (Keogh) won't get there in time. Wrong on both counts! The ball held up beautifully and Keogh ran like the wind to just get a hand on it before sliding over the line.

Ashley Rowden checks before awarding Keogh's try ©Prof

After the restart Gavin Duffy made a break down the middle, passed to Tosh Masson who still had people to beat but went over. Mehrtens slotted his 4th conversion.

Tosh Masson scores ©Barquin Mad

Exeter never gave up and I think it was in the next period they were just denied a try although we argued whether Ash penalised them for holding on, double movement or what. (No, I know there's no law on double movement anymore). Anyway, about 5 minutes before full time Tosh releases a lovely pass to Ugo and Ugo runs the 40 odd metres and goes over unopposed. Jarvis slots the conversion.

Then two minutes later he has to do the same thing. The pass comes from Brown and there are three defenders there this time, but Ugo's pace and guile completely bamboozles them, he breaks through and canters down for his 5th try of the day.

There is still time for the Chiefs to get a consolation score through Mark Fatialofa. Poor defending on our part I thought, but Exeter deserved something for a day of chasing shadows. They never gave up and they weren't doing much wrong. They just couldn't live with us at the pace we were playing the game.

My apologies, if there was a press conference thingie afterwards I had no idea where it was. In any case we had to take the jug of beer back!

Its hard to know where to start listing people for honourable mentions. The entire scrum from one to eight was immense. The props for their work in the scrums, Tani for his throwing and running, both Miall and Evans for their work in the lineouts and the loose, the back three for their tackling and running. I suppose Nick Easter was the stand out here.

In the backs Andrew Mehrtens was THE man, regardless of the placekicking. However, Steve So'oialo had an excellent game. He improves game by game but here he really seemed comfortable with his role and started to show us what else he can do. Tosh Masson had a good game, didn't look the rookie in the line up. Gavin Duffy though deserves one last mention, really has this full back role nailed as his now.

As I said to my brother as we left the game "We've had worse days!"

[PS: Ashley, we were right when we were shouting for the players being in front of the kick for every restart - Ed]

NEC Harlequins
Ceri Jones, Tani Fuga (Jimmy Richards ,52 mins), Ricky Nebbett (Lorne Ward ,65 mins), Jim Evans (Kevin Burke ,34 mins), Simon Miall, Andre Vos (Tom Guest ,54 mins), Luke Sherriff, Nick Easter, Steve So’oialo (Ian Vass ,54 mins), Andrew Mehrtens (Adrian Jarvis ,65 mins), Ugo Monye, Mel Deane (Mike Brown ,40 mins), Tajiv Masson, Simon Keogh, Gavin Duffy.
Replacements: Jimmy Richards (Tani Fuga ,52 mins), Lorne Ward (Ricky Nebbett ,65 mins), Kevin Burke (Jim Evans ,34 mins), Tom Guest (Andre Vos ,54 mins), Ian Vass (Steve So’oialo ,54 mins), Adrian Jarvis (Andrew Mehrtens ,65 mins), Mike Brown (Mel Deane ,40 mins)
Scorers:
Tries: Tani Fuga, Jim Evans, Luke Sherriff, Nick Easter, Ugo Monye (5), Tosh Masson, Simon Keogh, Gavin Duffy; Conversions: Andrew Mehrtens (4), Adrian Jarvis

Exeter Chiefs
Danny Porte (Gareth Mason ,47 mins), Simon Jenkins, George Davis (Richard Liddington ,60 mins), Chris Bentley (Mark Gabey ,51 mins), James Hanks, Tony Walker, Alan Miller (Gary Willis ,51 mins), Richard Baxter, Kevin Barrett, Tony Yapp, Gary Kingdom, Mark Fatialofa, Junior Fatialofa (Pete Fisher ,47 mins), Stephen Ward, Chris Catling (Adam Staniforth ,47 mins).
Replacements: Pete Fisher (Junior Fatialofa ,47 mins), Richard Liddington (George Davis ,60 mins), Mark Gabey (Chris Bentley ,51 mins), Gary Willis (Alan Miller ,51 mins), Richard Bolt, Adam Staniforth (Chris Catling ,47 mins), Gareth Mason (Danny Porte ,47 mins)
Scorers:
Try: Mark Fatialofa

Attendance: 9153

Match Officials:
Referee: Ashley Rowden
Touch judges: Rowan Kitt, EP Clarke