The Bristol Varsity game is upon us again

Varsity action
By Duncan Wood
April 28 2002

The Bristol Varsity game is set for Tuesday evening at the Memorial Stadium. It was scheduled for last month at Clifton RFC but was called off due to a waterlogged pitch. Second time lucky?

After the washout recently, it's time again for the annual Bristol varsity clash between Bristol University and the University of the West of England.

It's obviously the highlight of the Bristol academic rugby scene and the bad weather resulting in a postponement last month was a great disappointment.

Both teams have been cranking up the publicity recently and the quality of rugby should live up to the hype. The Bristol varsity game has produced more internationals and Premiership players in the last 6 years than its Oxbridge equivalent.

The event is staged at the Memorial Stadium in Horfield, home to Bristol Shoguns, on Tues 30th April.

Things get under way at 6.30pm with the women's match, followed by the men's match at 7.30.

As always, Bristol Uni will line up against UWE and after last year's win by UWE, Bristol Uni will be out for revenge.

There has always been a strong link between Bristol Shoguns and the Varsity game. Jim Brownrigg was first spotted playing in the 1996 Varsity game and plenty of the Bristol U21s squad have featured in recent years.

The lineups announced for the first game were as follows:

 

UNIVERSITY OF BRISTOL MEN'S VARSITY LINE UP

15 Luke Stack 14 Ed Grant 13 Anton Wallace 12 Mike Lamb 11 Will Kershaw-Naylor 10 Tom Leigh 9 Nick Waddell 1 Dave Burrows 2 Fergus Gallagher 3 Will Johnson 4 Paul Richards 5 Phil Redman (Capt) 6 John Levis 7 James Hess 8 John Scofield

REPLACEMENTS 16 Robin Haddrill 17 Andy Campbell 18 John Hodge 19 Pete Thorne 20 Rhys Lapidus 21 Joey Garcia 22 Dave Ansell

MEN'S PROFILES

DAVE BURROWS Dave 'Porno' Burrows is the undisputed Lord of the Ring. Enough said about our amateur film director. Position: Prop Ht: 6'0" Wt: 16st 6lbs

WILLIAM JOHNSON Pony has officially been announced as the tallest prop in BUSA after his excellent scrummaging display at Coombe Dingle, he loves to think he is our third choice centre, beware of his 'cunning kicks.' Position: Prop Ht: 5'10" Wt: 15st 6lb

ROBIN HADDRILL The fresher 'shoer' of the year has forced himself into the squad with only days to go, purely through his impressive shoeability. Position: Prop Ht: 6'0" Wt: 15st 10lb

FERGUS GALLAGHER Watch out for our feisty Irish hooker. He may be a tee-totaller, but he dons the best beer belly in the front row. Position: Hooker Ht: 5'11/2"s Wt: 18st 4lb

ANDY CAMPBELL Some of the older spectators may think that Josh Hooker has returned to Bristol a thinner man, however once you've seen his 'rude boy' car you'll realise that it is just a uncanny resemblance Position: Hooker Ht: 5'9" Wt: 15st

PHIL REDMAN (CAPT) Jesus will ensure that there will be divine intervention should anything go wrong, and will attempt to prove that he can walk on water. Position: 2nd Row Ht: 6'6" Wt: 16st 10lb

PAUL RICHARDS Please no banter about his bird, he might not come out for the second half. Pony take note. Position: 2nd Row Ht: 7' Wt: 17st 2lb

JOHN HODGE Early in the season it was alleged that Hodgy actually beat Fergus in the biggest belly contest, he still remains a strong challenger, claiming its good for storage. Position: 2nd Row Ht: 6'3" Wt: Immeasurable

PETE THORNE Known to many as LARRY for his lightweight behaviour, it only takes a few pints before he is trying to punch windows. Position: Back Row Ht: 6'1" Wt: 15st 9lb

JOHN LEVIS This game sees the return of John to the back row after a career threatening injury that was miraculously cured by Jesus. Position: Back Row Ht: 6'2" Wt: 15st 8lb

JAMES HESS He found life tough in the back line last year and was knocked unconscious on several occasions, so he's moved up into a less physical position. Position: Back Row Ht: 5'11" Wt: 12st 6lb

JOHN SCOFIELD Our big ginger monster never feels more at home than when he is driving our forwards on. It is said you need a big hammer to hit a big nail, so Scoie is the man for the job just look at his rear end. Position: Back Row Ht: 6'3" Wt: 17st

GARETH WILCOCK Don't be deceived by Wilcos' chicken legs, he packs a big hit and is always capable of making those hard yards. Position: Back Row Ht: 6'2" Wt: 14st 9lb

NICK WADDELL Gabbo was bought to fame by having a cartoon character stick a hand up his arse to make him talk. The puppeteer is still struggling with the passing! Position: Scrum Half Ht: 4'2" Wt: 14st 10lb

RHYS LAPIDUS Great round the fringe, sees a hole and goes for it - shame he can't apply his social skills to his rugby. Position: Scrum Half Ht: 5'8" Wt: 13st 2lb

TOM LEIGH You wouldn't be blamed for mistaking Tom for one of our props, this is most notably the case when he pulls off one of his excellent cross field kicks!! Position: Fly Half Ht: 5'9" Wt: 14st 4lb

MIKE LAMB The governor of the back line; can always be seen with his socks around his ankles. This may be due to the fact that he is trying to hide the fact that they're pink. Position: Centre Ht: 5'2" Wt: 8st 11lb

ANTON WALLACE It's lucky that Lamby his centre partner was at school with Besty, because he is rarely seen at training, but he is still able to pull out that school boy magic!! Position: Centre Ht: 5'11 1/2" Wt: 14st 10lb

UNIVERSITY OF WEST OF ENGLAND MEN'S VARSITY LINE UP

1. Simon Edwards 2. Ifan Charles 3. Declan Bird 4. Ed Bennett 5. Mike Moltke-Robinson 6. Richard Farr 7. Johnny Porter 8. Richard Higgins 9. Matt Britton 10. Hugo Southwell 11. Bobby Anderson 12. Joe Phillips 13. Marco Staneojevic 14. Joseph Mbu 15. Alan Gill

REPLACEMENTS 16. Rob White 17. Chris Battle 18. Charles Abram 19. Craig Jones 20. Alex Glover 21. Freddie Shepherd 22. Tom Babbington

PLAYER PROFILES

SIMON EDWARDS (prop) Tonight will be Simons second varsity, and first with his proper name. Only known as Simon Oldman until recently due to his unknown age. Playing his rugby for Bracknell this season Simon is a huge prop bringing vast experience to a young side and is a big game player.

DECLAN BIRD (prop) Dec has had his fair share of injuries this year, spending a lot of his time getting treatment in the physio room, but expect a big game from him tonight where he will be playing on his home pitch. This will be Decs first varsity.

ROB WHITE (prop) Rob is one of the strangest front row forwards ever to be created. After a large night out he loves to go on 15 mile runs to sort his head out. This will be Rob's first varsity.

IFAN CHARLES (hooker) Today will be Ifans 2nd Varsity and first fully fit. Hard to understand what he is saying at the best of times due to his harsh Welsh accent this valleys boy is an out and out Welshman, dirty, physical and in need of a win!

CHRIS BATTLE (hooker) Fester has found love this year, and now considers himself a real modern ladies man. Coming back off a placement year I have come to realise he is a nutter on the pitch and also a liability off it. A real character in the team this will be his third varsity, though last year it was a cheerleader.

CRAIG JONES (second row) Craig is rather of an unknown entity in the team spending most of his time on teacher training. A second row with good hands he always seems to be in the thick of things. This will be his second varsity.

ED BENNETT (second row) Ed comes from a beautiful part of Wales called Swansea. Yes, another valley boy, he has an awful sense of humour and thinks himself a real ladies man. He is a second row with the attributes of a back row player. This will be his first varsity.

NICK ANDERSON (back row) A varsity virgin, Nick spends most of his time in the gym posing in front of a mirror or improving his fake tan. Ladies please note his orange complexion! A talent for future varsities, he is a good ball player with a strong determination to succeed.

RICHARD HIGGINS (back row) Flapper Higgo is in his first year at U.W.E and this reflects his mentality. Brought up in Birmingham, living in South Africa must be a recipe for disaster! Never shuts up on or off the pitch.

MATT BRITTON (scrum half) The only Bristolian in the team Matt, a.k.a 'golden balls' has filled in as captain for most of the season with great ease. A current member of the Bristol U.21's squad Matt has all the makings of a great scrum half and future U.W.E captain. Tonight will be his first varsity.

TOM BABINGTOIN (scrum half) This is Babs's 3rd year playing for the university 1st XV, and seems to be a good outside bet to beat Gully's record for the longest server to UWE rugby. Babs is also the President of the UWE kite surfing club, where members have the opportunity to sit in Racks or even the Lizard Lounge.

HUGO SOUTHWELL (fly half) Last year Hugo was playing for the Bristol under 21's at full back. This year Hugo is playing for Newbury at full back…or centre…or wing. Today he plays fly half. His all round skills spread far a field as he is also a highly rated cricketer in the summer months. Hugo's hobbies include taking driving tests.

FRED ANDREWS (centre) 20 years old, 6'3", blonde hair, blue eyes, athletic build. Rugby player in Bristol, am easy going, honest, caring, patient, a good listener, someone who is open minded & enjoys having fun. Seeks lady of similar age for fun times. I have no physical preferences, as I believe each person is attractive in their own way. Will travel

MARCO STANOJEVITCH (centre/ wing) Marco is a former Bristol U.21 player and is now playing for Coventry. He has a remarkable turn of pace and is a real match winner. Among his faults he tends to leave/ loose his car keys on Clifton Downs, get his car put into the pound and so now relies on pedal power! This will be his first varsity.

ALEX GLOVER (anywhere!) Alex is a funny old chap. In fact, if you do have the misfortune of meeting him, just nod, smile politely and then slowly walk away. Alex was a regular member of the Bristol under 19's last year, this year he is a regular at training for the under 21's, where coach Paul Hull has spotted his great potential as a tackle bag. This is his second varsity.

CHARLIE BEWLEY (centre) Charlie is a fresher and fancies himself as a bit of a porn star! He is a hard running centre with an eye for brick walls! Also a special mention must go to his dad for giving us free socks for tonight's match. This will be his first varsity.

JOE PHILIPS (centre) Joe is another member of the Bristol U.21's squad, and has been offered a contract to play in Spain. He is a real boy racer at heart, this will be his first varsity.

ALAN GILL (fullback) He has had an excellent season playing for Clifton and Scottish Exiles. He has an awful dress sense hence the nickname Boy Band and has a haircut from Legoland. This will be his first varsity.

JOSEPH MBU (wing) Joseph has had an impressive career so far. Playing for the Bristol under 21's. You know when Joseph gets the ball as there is a huge sigh of relief throughout the ground that he caught it, followed by the spectator's scream of "Mbuuuuuuuuu" Joseph can certainly change a game with his strong running and is one to watch today. Hobbies include stealing kit and boring people with outrageous claims.

BOBBY ANDERSON (wing) This is his third varsity match and with a shirt that fits. As coach Crane said after another dazzling performance by the twinkled toed winger "If only we had 15 Bobby's" Our reply "Yeah we would never win a line-out or scrum but we would be bloody quick around the pitch!"

MICHAEL MOLKE-ROBINSON (second row) (capt) Muppet is this year's captain. He has been plagued this season by injury, but following intensive physio sessions he is raring to go. This will be his third varsity where he will be aiming to emulate last years captain by lifting the cup.

CHARLES ABRAM (back row) Spike is this year's club captain and general 'goat' on the squad. He has suffered with fitness problems this year due to excessive binge drinking but is looking forward to tonight's game. This will be his second varsity.

RICHARD FARR (back row) Richy has spent the season playing for Richmond. He is always all over the pitch making tackles and putting his head where it shouldn't! Sporting a new 1970's mullet style haircut this will be Richy's 3rd Varsity.

MARK CRANE AND ALEX MORRIS (coaches) Special thanks must be said for our two coaches who have managed to put up with us for a whole season. Mark has coached the forwards and Alex the backs, again giving large amounts of their own time, especially now that Alex is a high-flying executive, or so he tells us. So thanks again guys from every member of the first team and this one is for you!