Barney’s Badgers at the Fat Bloke 7s 2009
By Barney_Gumble
July 31 2009
After the weeks of anticipation, it was finally here – the inaugural competition for Barney’s Badgers. The team had been ebbing and flowing in size over the preceding weeks, and by the time the weekend came around we had a heady squad of 10 for the weekend. For those of you unfamiliar with the event, the International Fat Bloke Sevens is a competition organised by the London Irish Supporters
(Specifically Eek and Cheffy – massive, massive thanks to them for such a fantastic weekend) for those chaps and chapesses who are lacking in skill and fitness to be any good at Rugby. Whilst the Badgers were capable of satisfying the (in)ability criterion, the weight requirement was missed (And by no small amount!), with just a single fatty – this is going to be rectified for next year!
Friday saw the team arrive from various parts of the country - whilst other teams had been partaking in ‘training sessions’ (Cheats!), our entire squad had never met. The tents were erected in the rain, and we strolled over to the areas containing the Bristol Pasty Eaters and the Worcester Wobblers. At this point, I should probably mention my brother’s mate Toz.
He was already ‘nicely slammed’ having been drinking since breakfast – he was shortly to tear his ear on a tent - and managed to instantly endear himself to a number of the Worcester supporters, causing them to swear revenge on his body during the match tomorrow. It wasn’t only Worcester...he came within an ace of being spear tackled by his own teammates – only our lack of numbers stopped us short. Friday evening was spent mixing with the various other teams and enjoying the live music in the clubhouse, before returning to the campsite and chatting until the early hours.
There may even have been some drink involved - there was definitely some naked people involved, and some peculiar spirits (If I remember correctly) proffered by our hosts the Wobblers.Saturday morning arrived in a blaze of pain, and the Badgers made their way to the ‘show pitch’ to take their place in the Ar%e group. One of the achievements of the previous night (In addition to singing out of tune and spilling beer on my dinner jacket) was to sign up Fraser, the coach of the Teddington Ladies team – he proved to be our star player, as well as significantly increasing our total mass.Match 1 was against the Leeds Lardies – Yours truly kicked off (Despite John yelling go left, the ball was only ever going to get hoofed and choose its own direction...) straight into the arms of the waiting Lardies. Initial exchanges led to a Leeds maul being held up over the Badger’s try line, before we scored three tries (I think...) and eventually won the game.
The Lardies captain was of the opinion that we were too good for the group...an opinion he was forced to revise drastically in light of some of our later ‘performences’.After a short break, Match 2 pitted us against the might of the Bristol Pasty Eaters – later to win the much desired ‘Team of the Tournament’ trophy – who supplied the pre-match cider. This match saw far better rugby, with the lineouts a particular area of clean catching – this may have been due to the judicious use of sitting on shoulders and stepladders, but I think both sides recognised the skill inherent in such a cunning tactical ploy. The Badgers saw a couple of clean breaks lead to tries, and won their second match with an astonishing run combining pace, power and skill leading to a try for Fraser.
The Bath Tubs were the third match for Badgers. Bath were a proper Fat Boy’s team, and allied bulk to truly fearsome pace – they were eventually to win the ‘Team’s Team of the Tournament’. The Badgers stormed into an astonishing early lead with 3 tries to none – two to our super-prop Ackers (Who was then told if he scored again he’d be red-carded). The second half saw Bath come back with 2 early tries before some stern Badgers defence. Some more great work from the Tubs saw them squeeze over for a try in the corner – unfortunately for them, they missed the conversion which would have seen them draw the match. 3 out of 3 to the Badgers so far!Match 4 was against the Worcester Wobblers. Baldski (and Luke...amongst many, many others) had already requested that Toz played in this match – not wishing to disappoint, and hoping to take the heat of the rest of us, I obeyed. The first contact of the match saw Toz get driven back 5 yards in the tackle (To much joy from all sides), and pretty much set the tone for the entire match.
The Wobblers employed a range of cunning tactics, including (But not limited to...) passing, tackling, catching and running – this was far too much for the Badgers, and we stopped counting at 6 tries down. Our star centre Alan then managed a clean break through the line and ran half the pitch to score, his 64 year old legs tiring somewhat at the end, which provided some consolation. Our final match was against the Flatulent Fairies (The LI team), another team to completely overpower us by being able to actually play rugby.
Our prop (Fat Jim) had promised his wife before the tournament that he would score a try, and the last play of the match saw the Fairies kick the ball straight down his throat on the 22. Unfortunately for a tired Jim, it was our 22, so saw a quite astonishing run complete with dummies, goosesteps, and Fairies diving all around without managing to lay a hand on the silky smooth running of the prop. At least that was the story he told everyone who would listen. So – 5 matches played, 3 wins for the Badgers, and a quite fantastic day of rugby by all teams.
This was followed by the obligatory 70s night in the club house with yet more fine singing and dancing - something that probably contributed in a large part to the inability to move without pain in the morning. Jack’s match on Sunday morning saw the Fairy Barbarians take on the Bristol Buccaneers, alas Barney’s Badgers were all feeling too sore to take part – something I hope to remedy next year when we return (Eek willing), with increased numbers (Recruitment has already started), and a Ladies team as well.Many thanks to all who organised, played, and generally made the weekend one to remember for some time to come – we shall return...
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Although the actual report of the rugby and games played appears to be missing...Any hints TC?!
Or did I not send the whole thing through??
Will update the site with news stories and reports. Supporting the Tigers fans community
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Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2009:07:31:19:21:17 by TigerChick.
Will update the site with news stories and reports. Supporting the Tigers fans community
Email me via tigerchick "at" ymail "dot" com (No spam!)
'Lions led by donkeys' .. Lest we forget
That was a fantastic report!! You were and indeed will be most welcome at the Fat Bloke Sevens 2010.
2010 - A Fat Blokes Odyssey.........
You were fantastic all weekend even if you did wimp out on Sunday!! Even I managed 3 mins before being red carded (Mind you I did ask to be) an advantage to know the ref I suppose!!
The good news is that we have with your help managed to raise just over Ł4K to be split between Woodenspoon and Help for Heroes
Any feedback please PM me and tell us what we could do better or things we did well!!
Take care and see you at the Madstad and we'll catch up for a beer (or 2)
Dave (Cheffy)
OK, I'm an LI supporter and was involved in a small way with Eek and the FB7's a few years ago. But the tournament has moved on and that is terrific.
But it brilliant to read the reports from this year's tournament. It is, to me, what rugby is all about - supprters getting together to have a great time and I know we will still all be mates after another guelling but enjoyable GP season.
And this year's event has raised a considerable sum for its nominated charities but really - lets face it - it just an excuse for one monumental @#$%& up and long may it continue.
Great to see your pre-tournament understanding of what it was all about and I hope you will be there next year in the same spirit, following the inevitable disappoimtments you will face in the GP wseason..... (ducks behind parapet for even suggesting that there are more important things in life than winning the GP......)
Looking forward to entertaining you at the Madstad and our visit to Welford Road. Bring it on.
The on-pitch stuff is important but the off-pitch stuff is what sets us rugby folk apart from the English national game (spit!). Long may it continue.
Cheffy phoned me the other day to say some of my clothes had been found - which is nice.
See thee at Madstad and at Fat Blokes next year I hope.
Coops
WTF
See you next year.
Glad you enjoyed it, Barney, but I was right - you're thin and you know you are! Start the pie-fest now and you'll be a decent size for next year's tournament.
One last thing - if you throw a ball into our area of the camp site before the games begin next year, we are confiscating it. That counts as a warm-up and there's no place for that kind of shenanigans at the Fat Blokes!
Suffering on the Leeds and Yorkshire roller-coaster since 2001
Timofe...I am extremely aware of the undersize nature of our team...I am making enquiries at this early stage to rectify this. Yeah, it was a bit too much like a warm-up, but it was also the 1st time we'd met as a team...Won't happen again...'Onest Guv.
See you both next year.