Harlequins v Tigers AP Match Preview

Diamond Geezer - "Leave it with me" was my father's stock response when we made some request or another of him. Dad always "knew a bloke". With post war food rationing still imposed on the victorious populace, my mother bemoaned the unavailability of sugar and asked if Dad could source a few bags.

“Leave it with me” he said and soon confirmed that a bloke he knew would be in the area the following day to make delivery of the scarce comestible. 

My mother was somewhat nonplussed when four bags were delivered each containing a hundredweight (50 kgs) of sugar instead of the expected 2 pounds (0.90 kgs). Friends, family and neighbours didn’t want for sweetness! 

Christmas was approaching and toys were in short supply. A neighbour asked if Dad could help; “leave it with me” he replied. He sourced a soft toy Panda with a baby Panda in its arms.  “Lovely” said Mum, “but what am I going to do with the other eleven”?  It was a bulk-buy apparently so quite a few children in our extended family had the same present that year. 

Later, when Sheepskin coats came into vogue, as a fashion conscious teenager I was keen to have one.  “Leave it with me” said Dad and sure enough a coat duly appeared along with two others.  Seemingly they came in threes. So one for me, one for him and a spare! 

He was a scrap metal dealer; a calling to which he’d gravitated having left school at thirteen and after being a fish fryer, fairground barker, market trader, Greyhound trainer, bookmaker’s clerk and eventually a labourer for a large scrap metal merchant where he worked his way through the ranks to become a respected dealer. 

During the school holidays I was often permitted to go to work with him, making the journey on the top deck of the 106 bus enveloped in a fug of cigarette smoke.  The huge scrap yard was a wonderful playground, full of the remnants of the Second World War; tanks, armoured cars, boats and jeeps. I had my pick of the smaller items.  My favourite treasure was an ex army telescopic gun-sight. 

Mid morning saw steaming mugs of scalding Camp coffee and crusty buttered rolls filled with great slabs of yellow cheese so strong as to make my eyes water. 

My father acquired a venerable Wolseley Eight car which enabled us to eschew the dubious delights of the 106 bus and it was in that car we visited a contact of Dad’s in London’s East End.  I was handed over to a pretty girl who gave me orange squash and Garibaldi biscuits while Dad spoke with  two sinister looking dark haired men as a couple of their huge associates kept a watchful eye. I wandered around their scrap yard which was full of the detritus of domestic life; baths, cookers, boilers all jostling for their turn to be crushed and become fodder for the burgeoning consumer age. 

After what seemed an eon I was taken to rejoin my father who ensured I gave my thanks for their hospitality to “Uncle Ronnie and Uncle Reggie”., which I did and was rewarded by one of my new “uncles” ruffling my hair and being given the stern admonition to look after my Dad as he was “a diamond - an absolute diamond” – which of course I already knew. 

Quins; Tigers’ bedizened opponents this Good Friday evening, when at least some of the fixture will be diurnal, should feel that their neighbour Wayne Barnes is similarly a “diamond geezer”. 

 Poor old Sale were already out of sorts but they must have been wondering if they’d ever get a break from Mr Barnes who spotted their every punctilio while the visitors largely went about their nefarious business unhindered until, once the match was beyond Sale’s reach, Mr Barnes belatedly got all stern with them.  

The following day Tigers stuttered and fumbled their way to victory over Wasps but still collected five points for their trouble.  Mr Small used the ala carte method of officiating – some laws he chose, sometimes and some he ignored altogether.  He’s not alone though in this modus operandi which has seen a sort of sporadic anarchy visited upon our sport. 

Given the proclivity of Sale’s pack to demonstrate a distinct shyness when it come to scrummaging it was something of a surprise that Quins didn’t have them speedily collapsing and it took until Steve Diamond brought on his replacement front row for the visitors to gain a noticeable advantage. 

Tigers, for their part, started with their second string props giving Ayerza and Mulipola a break until later on, only to see Mulipola removed from the fray as a precautionary measure.  In his stead though Balmain played well, gave nothing away at the scrum, carried well and was staunch in defence.  I expect though that unless Mulipola is unfit he’ll be in the Tigers’ tight head berth to face Joe Marler, who likewise looked to have picked up a knock, so O’Shea will be hoping that the England prop is fit to start opposite Tigers’ Samoan behemoth. 

Tom Youngs started and was only undone once at the lineout when Mr Small made a regulation call for a crooked throw.  It was just unlucky for the Tigers’ international that the fickle finger of fate selected him.  He’ll surely start again opposite Quins’ Dave Ward with Gray once again crocked.  

I really like the Bath born hooker who’d been around a bit before fetching up at the Stoop having spent time with his home town club and Saints; during their sojourn in the Championship, as well as Sale and finally Cornish Pirates.  He reminds me of Lee Mears in his pomp; all hustle and bustle and I can see him and Tom Youngs bouncing around like a pair of Space Hoppers. 

On the tight-head for the hosts will probably be twenty-one year old Karl Sinckler who’s making a bit of a name for himself since he got a run of starts keeping high profile signing from Saints; Paul Doran-Jones on the sidelines in the process. 

It will be interesting to see who Conor O’Shea pits against Marcos Ayerza who’ll surely be on duty in this latest “must win” match for Tigers. 

The first choice Tigers’ front row, albeit sans Dan Cole (but hopefully not sans Mulipola!) should get the better of matters. 

At lock Tigers’ welcomed back long term absentee; British Lion Geoff Parling who appeared from the bench against Wasps for a late cameo appearance.  Kitchener went well again and was dominant in the line out so whether Parling will be further eased back into action in harness with Ed Slater, after such a long absence, or starts remains to be seen. 

Last weekend the Tigers’ line out looked assured, especially with Jamie Gibson again prominent whereas Quins wobbled a bit with Matthews standing in for Kennedy, who I guess is injured, and particularly when George Robson was replaced. 

Much is said about Brown, Care, Marler and Robshaw but too little about Robson.  If you’ve a mind just track him.  He’s a quite superb all round player.  He’s solid in the line out as well as an important part of Quins’ expert exploitation of the largely ignored NFL type blocking at the breakdown. A player running beyond the tackled opposition player to block the incoming support and he’s a really clever player in the loose. This last skill was demonstrated against Sale when he fixed the defence, opening a gap through which Evans shot like a dose of salts for his try. 

With Nick Easter accomplished at the set piece and referees rarely sanctioning crooked throws, other than to tick the box on their assessment sheet, I see this area being pretty even. 

When it comes to the back row the aforementioned Gibson had another good game in spite of being penalised for not managing to extricate himself from under the corpulent presence of Andy Goode with the speed that Mr Small required, on that occasion anyway, the Kiwi varying his demands in this regard as he dipped in and out of the “Law Taster Menu”.  I still think that the unique Steve Mafi is back off down under and as nothing has been lately heard of Tom Croft’s progress Gibson rightly remains pre-eminent for Tigers’ #6 shirt.  Hard to fault what was a low profile signing from London Irish. 

Luke Wallace is a great player you know! The ex Esher flanker is top rate at the breakdown and distinctly “Neil Backesque” in his link play.  Personally (and any Quins’ fan who’s stumbled upon this is probably crying “rubbish” at this point) I prefer the St Alban’s born twenty-three year old to England skipper; Chris Robshaw at #7 who I think is a first class blindside in the same way as Wallace is a top class open side. 

Julian Salvi will be doing his best to disrupt Quins’ ball and be hoping that this week’s match officials will allow him and his opponents to do their respective jobs in equal measure – now there’d be a novelty!  Wallace will give Tigers’ turnover supremo a challenge but one to which he’ll be equal. 

The perennially excellent Nick Easter has more tricks in his box than David Copperfield and the very apogee of “been there, done that” I have long harboured the belief that the thirty-five year old veteran has a massive Lithium battery inside him so unwearied is he by the passing of time.  

He’ll be facing Tigers’ own man of perpetual motion; the similarly indefatigable Jordan Crane who should be serenaded by a rousing, albeit manly, version of Vanessa Williams’ 1992 hit; “Save the Best to Last”. For the Bromsgrove born #8 has indeed waited until the last phases of this season to produce his best form. 

Impossible to say what the outcome of the contest at the breakdown will be, what with referees often seemingly having only a passing acquaintance with the laws let alone their even handed application as we saw last Saturday at Welford Road when Wasps were allowed carte blanche to illegally slow down Tigers’ ball and no amount of expostulation from Slater was going to change Mr Small’s tenuity.  

Next Friday Quins and Tigers, left to their own devices, will also flop over the tackled player as if shot by a sniper.  So we’ll see what the referee makes of it all. 

Danny Care has been in fabulous form this term and he was in try scoring mode again last Friday.  Mr Barnes seemed impressed, so much so that, enraptured in his admiration, he didn’t spot that the hole that miraculously appeared in the Sale defence as it parted, as if Moses himself were on hand, had instead the body of a Quins’ player laying atop the relevant defender, who would have otherwise filled the resultant interstices, at its heart. 

Meanwhile Ben Youngs, who hasn’t been in great form until recently and rightly had to yield his England shirt to Mr Care (he once played for Leeds and was coached by Stuart Lancaster you know!?) continues his return to form with the incentive of having David Mele snapping at his heels, the Frenchman having another try scoring cameo last Saturday. 

It’ll be an interesting battle between the two EPS scrum halves.  Care is all dart and dash whereas Youngs’ style has changed somewhat and is now less self absorbed than was once the case with a greater consideration as to the collegiate good than that of personal aggrandisement. 

If Nick Evans is in form then there’s a good chance that Quins will find themselves in similar fettle.  It’s not that the Kiwi does much outstandingly special, although it could reasonably be argued that his jinking, high speed score last Friday gives lie to such an observation, it’s just that he mostly does the simple stuff so infuriatingly well.   Young Owen Williams will, probably, have an opportunity to witness a master of his craft at close quarters come Friday. 

Williams for his part was, I thought, a little subdued against Wasps perhaps due to the strapping to his arms indicating an incipient malaise – in any event I have today purchased shares in Biersdorf; the manufacturers of Elastoplast as looking at the players there’s bound to soon be a worldwide shortage as demand outstrips supply.  

It’s true that Wasps were managing to slow Tigers’ possession down to a snail’s pace which doesn’t assist the main play makers but Williams was unusually out of sorts with too much of his kicking from the tee going awry and he’ll be unhappy that so many points went begging.  But like Evans his kicking from hand was of high quality.  The Welsh starlet will have to be on top form come this Friday though as the Tigers’ half backs will have a real challenge on their hands. 

With Tony Allen laid low the Tigers’ attack looked predictable, as if conducted by rote and heavily reliant on bursting runs from Tuilagi and Goneva. The point of attack wasn’t varied enough with the inside pop pass as predictable as Nick Clegg doing a u turn and the drift was back.  Similarly the organisation of the Tigers’ defence looked awry once the ball left the close quarters of the forwards so against Quins, with their ability to break out from positions of seeming incongruity, I hope that Tigers’ Field Marshall is fit to start.  

While inside centre is not my position of choice for Tuilagi he did well there in attack  if at times at sea defensively, his having to make one spectacular try saving tackle as he recovered his equilibrium. 

At outside centre though I’m sure Quins, if some of their supporters hold any sway, will be able to dismiss Tuilagi’s presence – let’s hope so and that whether it’s the astutely signed hulking Molenaar or the darting recovered Hopper facing him they’ll treat him with indolent disregard! 

Amongst other things it’s been a mystery to me why Jordan Turner-Hall has had his England caps restricted to just two and then as a replacement back in the 2012 Six Nations when he got aggregate game time of just twenty minutes.  Back then he was ever present in Quins’ Championship winning team, although injury has since intervened so as to reduce his appearances, when his partnership with George Lowe a thing of rare beauty. 

It’s good to see the Londoner back playing and looking as minatory as ever as he bursts though the 10/12 channel looking for his centre partner of the day and Tigers’ defence will have to be resolute in dealing with the twenty-six year old if he is not to afford attacking pabulum to his colleagues. 

Out wide Niki Goneva continues to terrify defenders and Tigers’ supporters were rightly euphoric when the Fijian signed a new two year contract at the end of last week.  He does need to be more loving of the ball but otherwise, like Tuilagi, he’s preternatural in his abilities. 

Tigers seem to have the knack of performing alchemy and so it’s been with Blaine Scully who impresses more with each game, his defence, work in the air and pace continue to dazzle. 

It will be a significant factor in deciding Friday’s outcome as to who wins the aerial battle between the, at times, World Class Mike Brown and, if he’s fit, Ugo Monye, still one of the best around under the high ball and the accomplished American Eagle alongside Matthew Tait. 

Sam Smith, is a good sort, plenty of pace and has good hands. He’s had a good amount of game time and yet he’s going to Worcester.  Maybe he saw the imminent arrival of Marland Yarde pushing him further down the pecking order but with Monye and Williams now in their thirties and Smith just twenty-three is a move to the Championship a good career move when a little patience at Quins could have been a better option? 

Ollie Lindsay-Hague seems to be in favour with O’Shea, although for me he does try to display his undoubted talents a little too forcefully with his twinkling feet sometimes being asked to go that yard too far so that isolation and turn over ball are an ever present risk.  Brown and Tait are prodigious ball carriers but for the most part “know when to hold ‘em and know when to fold’em” as Kenny Rogers said in “The Gambler”. Lindsay-Hague has yet to learn that skill. 

Tigers have a good track record at the Stoop and will be harbouring resentment at being turned over at a capacity Welford Road earlier in the season, losing by seven points while they were without Tom Youngs, Cole, Parling, Gibson, Ben Youngs, Allen, Tuilagi, Croft, Flood, Goneva and Tait. 

Tigers are in good shape at the moment with a number of players returning from injury so they may just manage another win at the Stoop.  But if anybody asks you who said as much: it was just some bloke you know – say no more!