League is better than Union ?

By Stopsy
July 23 2003

Oh no its not…. Oh yes it is…. Panto season comes early in Super League VIII Read on my dears for a tale that will take you back to your childhood years…

Oh no its not…. Oh yes it is….
By Stopsy

It was my great honour earlier in the year to be invited to meet Mr S10 (TJ of that ilk). I am currently working in St Helens and TJS10 was on a course in Knutsford (OK yah!) so I was invited to watch a game of Rugby League between the St Helens (The Saints – now where have I heard that name before?) and the Huddersfield Giants. Apparently TJS10 is a keen follower of the Saints (Northern variety before he gets burnt at the stake for heresy), but more of his subterfuge later.

It was with growing apprehension that I realised that, had the Internet been thought of when I was a lad, my Mum would have probably warned me about making dates to meet men that I had only had communication with over the internet (note the avoidance of the word intercourse).

At my work there are many Saints fans also some Wigan fans and they hate each other but are united by a common enemy – Union fans! The lady who supports Orrel is thought of as a social pariah for her sins – then along comes me –“Hello, I’m your new boss”. Apparently my only redeeming feature (apart from the obvious charm, wit, intelligence, good humour and devastatingly good looks) was that I rated Freddie Tuilagi.

When I further tried to curry favour by announcing my attendance at my first Super League game, Saints v Huddersfield, the people at work told me it would be rubbish, a massacre, not a real game etc. read on to see how right they were (or not?).

As the day approached the relative form of the two teams underwent a shift and nerves increased in the office. Huddersfield – the perennial whipping boys of Super League forget themselves and inflicted defeats on Saints earlier on in the season and then Wigan and Leeds in consecutive weeks. Saints stuttered earlier on but have regained some form. It was a fragile recovery, having nearly thrown away a massive half time lead against Castleford the week before.

So I at last talked to TJS10 - I’ll be in the Saints shirt and jeans, meet you under the red V at 7. Having come straight from work I was perhaps one of say 5 people that wasn’t in a Saints shirt. I arrived early and avidly read the program in an attempt to distract myself from the Cheer Leaders undertaking their warm up. The program had an interesting article on referee abuse and how players not respecting the ref was the start of the slippery slope to football like behaviour.

TJS10 turned up but had the wrong colour hair, somehow I had a mental picture of him having dark hair. We exchanged greetings and then set off to find the end of the beer queue, a few refreshing beers were obtained and then we walked outside to enjoy the sun soaked views of a Friday evening in St Helens. Who should walk along but Freddie Tuilagi to great shouts of “you alright Freddie, Lad?” “you’re always welcome here, Freddie, Cock” – editor’s note, [Cock is an appendage, similar to me Duck.] Freddie went to get his tickets, accompanied by Apollo XI Perrelini, we also saw the Sale Sanderson although he managed not to spit at us. Then in the distance a single Tigers shirt (00/01 season).

It was time to take our seats. Good view, the stadium looked pretty full, (over 9,000 it turned out) a handful of Giants supporters were at the end and the rest was a sea of white and red. The Cheer Leaders came on and stood around a bit, looking like prancing show ponies, for all their visual appeal it was their sense of being free spirits that appealed the most, they were entirely unshackled by any notion of synchronisation with each other and in some cases, with the music. ChrisC, you yearn for Cheer Leaders, can I suggest a trip to St Helens to cure you of this… TJS10 promised me loads of dry ice - it never appeared, was he bluffing? Had he really been here before?

Enter the gladiators – black and white, goodies in white and baddies in black – I was beginning to get the hang of things. More crass music, albeit not up to the standard of Smoke on the Water, the music blared until the boot hit the ball, we were on our way.

I know that it is a completely different game, however when you are as intellectually challenged as I am, it comes as a pleasant surprise to get to grips with the laws, so quickly – despite TJS10 getting it wrong all the time.

Huddersfield ran in their first try from about half way, being a neutral I politely applauded, I was the only one in the stand doing so. I must say that there was no sense of aggression or intimidation such as one reads about at football, however it was strange to see some good play largely ignored by all but the few Giants fans at the far end. Huddersfield ran in 2 more tries and things were not quite going to plan. At this point and trailing by 14 points, St Helens put together a good move that fizzled out in the Huddersfield 20m this led to a loud chorus of “oooareyuh? oooareyuh?” from the crowd, I contemplated informing those sat around me that the opposition were in fact the Huddersfield Giants and were leading St Helens by 14 points to nil, however I shouldn’t show off my immense knowledge of the game to those who probably hadn’t been ardent followers of League as long as I.

Try as they might, St Helens couldn’t get their game together, Paul Sculthorpe had left the pitch early on and his absence seemed to destabilise the team. I couldn’t help laughing at some inept handling and then realised that I wasn’t exactly being sympathetic to my host who was trying to put a brave face on (no not Apache warpaint). The games of League and Union have many differences but are united in one facet, the ref is useless. The article in the program had obviously gone unread as the crowd around berated him and called him a Cheat, “Yeracheater, Smith! Cheat, cheat, cheat”.

In any case for those of you who are no of the League cognoscenti – here is a brief guide to how to behave. Firstly pick your team (preferably the home side) and then join in the panto.

Offside – this occurs at every restart of the ball (ruck) for your side and is shouted to assist the ref in noticing that the opposition are indeed offside – it helps to know that the opposition team’s distances are measured in long metres and home team’s distances in short metres.

Should the opposition have the ball and pass anything but directly behind themselves, you should howl “forward”. When a player in white lies on one in black preventing quick play of the ball, berate the player in black with such phrases as “get up you lazy so-and-so, you’re time wasting” should the roles be reversed you howl “penalty! Get off him, let him get up”.
Dummy runners, a technique we have seen a lot of from the Southern Hemisphere teams, the first receiver should at all times carry out a dummy run. There is however a modification on the Southern Hemisphere technique, the first receiver should time his run so as to get in the way of the pass and generally cause it to arrive at recipient at the same time as a rampaging rhinoceros. If this move doesn’t seem to be working, don’t worry, just try it a lot more times, its bound to work soon.

Kicks – should be poorly executed at all times.
High tackles – owing to a deformity, opposition players have their armpits situated somewhere above the ears, therefore straight arms to the head, or tackles around the ears are perfectly legal. Home players have their armpits somewhere near their belly buttons and quite how the ref missed all those high tackles is beyond me. No wonder at half time he was roundly booed off the pitch.

Various stuff went on the pitch at half time with all the glamour and razzamatazz of Snibston on a wet February Sunday morning.

2nd half – boo the ref on to the pitch. Saints were fired up and looked far better, Giants were going back but again some appalling handling skills caused the turnover to give Giants the chance to get back.

The crowd started getting on Saints backs and then they scored and scored again, Huddersfield scored and then Saints again – for the neutral it was pretty entertaining stuff. Then with the clock ticking down, Saints score again, 18 – 18 the conversion looks to TJS10 have gone over but one touch judge has his flag up, one down, the ref decides its fun being booed and signals no kick. The ladies in the office who were in the opposite stand reckon it missed by quite some distance – You cheater TJS10, Cheat, Cheat, Cheat!

Saints go over again – never in doubt “oooareyuh? Ooooareyuh?”.

Man o’ T’ Match (Is selected by the local sponsor and is therefore always from the home team. If, however the man of the match award went to the best player on the park, it would have gone to #33 for the Giants, Mr Stanley Gene.

There’s the Hooter.

Lots of applause for the home team and booing from a section of the stand for the opposition and of course the ref.

Now given all the farcical elements of the crowd behaviour, you would have thought that I would have had enough comedy for the evening, but no, dear readers, no. I offered TJS10 a lift home, we walked back to my work to find my car was locked in a steel stockade, a true testament to the proximity of St Helens to Liverpool. Walked around the building, all entrances locked and no intercom anywhere, walked to the entrance and found an intercom, buzzed it and waited three weeks (well so it seemed) before it crackled into life “Hello” – “Hello, my car is locked in the main car park” – OK I’ll send Stan to meet you there” this was, of course secret code for.. “I wondered when you’d find the intercom” – “I’m the twit you’ve been watching on the CCTV for the last 20 minutes” – “Oh I think we can have a bit more fun out of this”. Apologising profusely to Mr S10, we walk to the gate and wait, and wait, and wait, the locals on their BMX bikes put on a display for us – two dorks with mobile phones and wallets standing in a dark alley late at night… After ages, I set off for the intercom again, when a message burbles through the intercom the other side of the high security grill – “Stan’s just on his way, had problems with his radio “ code for “we wondered how long you’d just stand there you bozo”. Stan duly arrives and we speed off, mightily relieved. I drop TJS10 off at his Aunt’s house and then set of along the East Lancs Road to the M6, whereupon I spent a pleasant hour in stationary traffic admiring the fact that I had stumbled across a secret counting session of the world’s traffic cone resources.

So to the vital question, is league better than Union – and my conclusion – yes and no. The ball was in play for a lot more of the 80 minutes than would ever be the case in union, there is non stop action, but the action isn’t that varied to the untutored eye. Kicking and scrums are worlds apart, the players are hard and fast and tough.

The crowd behaviour was the most startling difference, making RichW seem positively panoramic in his field of vision. All in all - an enjoyable and highly competitive game, just a completely different game and mindset.

A great night out, cock, good to meet you, Mr S10 me Duck!. (Please do not rearrange these words!)