WOULDN’T YOU JUST KNOW THEY’D WEAR GREEN!

By acoi
February 11 2006

With apologies to William Blake [1757 – 1827]: Tiger, tiger, wearing white, On another Friday night; What sad mortal hand or eye Could distort our symmetry?

In what distant deeps of Sky’s
Did they decide to surprise
Expectant fans, heartlessly,
And snatch away our Saturday?

And what shoulder, and what art,
Could steal that three o’clock start,
Just when our hearts began to beat?
What dread hand? What a mean feat!

When those tarts had downed their beers,
And realised our worst fears,
Did they smile, their work to see?
Those low-lifes at murdoch t.v.!

Tiger, tiger, wearing white,
On another Friday night;
Let it be by skill or sin,
Just show them all and bl**dy win!

*******

Settling down to watch this contest, I was but by hours returned from the tropics. Jet lag is not the writer’s friend, it can even make white seem green, so if this report is of a different game to the one you saw, take any good quality, mind expanding drug and read it again; you will, at least, empathise.

I was not about to dwell on that well trodden, rickety bridge where the international troll gruffly bars many of our first team players. No trip-trap, trip-trap, to join their fellows on important league business, foll-de-roll, lest they be eaten up.

Suffice to say, the list of deputies was impressive, even when mixed and matched, and in the intriguing prospect of Humphries the younger at ten, partnering Healey the elder at nine, the fly half stood out amongst otherwise well bloodied talent. On the bench, though, there are seven to whom Monday night is a more familiar game night than Friday; not least, another Dodgy generation, eager no doubt to outshine his illustrious father.

Glaws too had suffered the ravages of graft and the daft, but with Ludo Mercier at fly half they should have had the kicking advantage. South African Rudi Keil played his first premiership game at 12 while at scrum half Simon Amor was played out of position. James Forrester displaced our Adam at eight, so the captain’s armband was passed to Jake-whom-they-named-a-war-after. Both clubs ‘A’ teams topped their divisions.

Wayne Barnes in yellow asked Tigers to kick off. They did and looked good, straight away playing as a fifteen man team determined to dominate, and dominate they did, for most of the first half. What they didn’t do was score, well, not enough anyway. A lead by three after two minutes following an Ollie Smith break courtesy of a Humphries penalty was lost by naivety and Glaws pressure. We took a lineout quickly and the panicky clearance was sliced; in the ensuing Glaws’ lineout their player was taken out in the air. Mercier stepped up. 3 – 3.

More good Tigers’ play flowed and a pattern was beginning to emerge, and it was one wherby we played the rugby, we dominated in all areas, but a tactical error, or a handling error, or some naïve attempt to force the game would prevent us from dominating the scoreboard.

By the tenth minute Ludo had missed a difficult kick from the touchline after Ollie got himself isolated and hung on to the ball.

Perhaps we should have expected counter-attacking sevens style rugby given Amor’s pedigree. From a good, well constructed attacking move one of our half backs tapped the ball through with Tom Varndell free on the right; this gave Glaws a ball they scarcely deserved, but they crafted a try from their own 22 by breaking out in numbers whilst our defence did not break back with such vigour. Tom Varndell finally downed the adventurous Goodridge in front of our posts, but Forrester picked up the ball and passed it to Bailey who placed it under the posts unopposed. Naturally Mercier showed none, and it was 10 – 3 after 14 minutes.

Still we controlled the game, but not the ball as Tuilagi knocked on near the halfway line. Play from the ensuing scrum lead to a Glaws penalty just in side their half which Mercier decided to kick. Forward dominance was not theirs. Their game plan seemed to be break quickly or kick for the posts. From 54 metres this was not too sound and after 17 minutes it was still 10 – 3.

The next five minutes saw three Tigers’ penalties. A tackle off the ball by Collazo on Will. Failing to release the ball in the tackle. Not rolling away. The referee lectured Glaws. The referee wore yellow. Hump decides to try for the posts from the half way line. Hump! Not Goodey, Hump! 23 minutes and, it’s 10 – 6!

Three attempts to find touch, each failing, by Hump, Oz and Sam, actually saw Tigers swarming forward, with Wiggy, as ever, enthusiastic. The ref’ didn’t understand and called it offside. The penalty worked it’s way from their 22 to a ruck 30 metres from our posts, with a Tigers’ hand in it. 27 minutes, 13 – 6. Our dominance was really paying off, not! But the feeling was strong that we were still a unit, we still had an obtuse kind of control, and they were there for the taking. Just that bit of craft with the slightest touch of fortune, and they’d be cooked.

From the kick off it was clear it was coming. Following exchanged hoofs, Glaws knocked on, deliberately. No more deliberately than a little while later when it was adjudged accidental, but the ref’ looked handsome in yellow. Our lineout was on the 22 and became a maul which rolled, inexorably, toward their line. They fought and they struggled and defended stoutly, as was to their credit to be their want for the entire game, but just as the maul was to cross their line it collapsed. Now it’s not for me to question a referee’s decision as they are all true and fair minded people, and are there on the spot; but on this occasion HE decided Glaws had collapsed it, and I agreed. Bearing in mind the referee knew what a penalty try was as he awarded one to someone in the sixtieth minute, and bearing in mind the referee knew what yellow cards were for as he issued two later in the game, I was bemused when he awarded Tigers a penalty ……. yes, just a penalty. The number of yellow cards he issued at that point were less than one.

Oz kicked the ball into touch as he was less likely to get sent off for that. The referee wore yellow.

Tigers won their lineout and formed a maul which the valiants of Glaws drove back for a while, but Tigers recovered and began to push for their line. The ref’ called to Oz to use the ball, but the maul was rolling towards the Glaws line when he did so I wonder, in my ignorance, why? My guess is, Oz did too, but I haven’t asked him. And as it approached their line, the ball obviously being ‘used’ as it was in that maul, he blew his whistle awarding Glaws a scrum. I know my grasp of the rules is faulty, and my shirt is green – unlike the ref’s.

Brett Deacon was substituted by Jamie Hamilton and 32 minutes had passed.

During the rest of the half Tigers strove in the same vein, but Glaws were coming a little more into their own. A penalty on their 5 metre line when we went over the top, and another on halfway for crossing saw them in our half, but a Tigers’ penalty for them not being straight in the front row, and a further at 38 metres for Collazo [have I mentioned him before] being offside gave Hump a chance at the posts, which he spurned.

An Oz knock on encouraged Glaws, but their dangerous pressure faded when Goodridge reciprocated. Hump chose to close the first half by hoofing a last minute penalty into touch knowing this would bring the whistle, though why bemused me.

A curious half which we appeared to dominate but were profligate, and in which Glaws were deceptively adept with their limited possession, playing to their strengths and strong in defence.

Wiggy didn’t reappear for the second half, young Mr. Holford taking up the reins.

Play began where it left off … Glaws kicked off, we mauled them back over halfway, we passed, we rucked, and Louis was bundled into touch with the ball. Glaws hoofed downfield from the lineout and Tigers ran it back to their 22, where a loose pass was knocked on in exactly the same way as in the first half – deliberately, only this time it was accidental, and Glaws conceded a scrum.

We were treated to some sloppy back play which almost gifted the ball to them, but an accidental offside allowed them to clear their lines anyway. We won the line out but contrived to knock on on our own 22. The Mercier up and under which he hoisted from the back of their scrum was caught sublimely by Sam, and cleared by Hump to Ludo, who tried a drop goal from halfway which, in the the spirit of the half, missed.

From the 22 Glaws ran it back. It was predictable that they passed it forward to set up a dangerous move down the wing, as it was predictable the linesman did not see. 48 minutes had passed when Ludo slotted the penalty for 16 – 6, as Sam failed to roll away. Oz, as captain, got a lecture. During the first half, under intense Tigers pressure, there were red shirts lying about all over the place.

Buxton replaced Merriman.

Things were turning, looking a little awry. We seemed to be losing direction, the error count was mounting, and the ref’ was still wearing a yellow shirt. Glaws were gaining confidence and building a lead.

Louis took out a player off the ball, and the penalty found touch on Tigers’ 10 metre line. Glaws were now playing a fifteen man game and on 52 minutes a penalty for not rolling away saw a Glaws lineout 30 metres away from Tigers’ try line. Within a minute, Ollie Smith, unable to move, was yellow carded for being on the wrong side. The ref’, who was wearing yellow, cited previous fouls to Oz. From 22 metres Mercier made no mistake, it was 22 – 6, and ‘Lordy, Lordy!’

Scott Bemand came on for Hump, as Oz moved to fly half, and Tigers flew at Glaws from the restart. Phase after phase battered against resolute Glaws’ defence, but eventually Alex Tuilagi knocked on a very awkard ball.

Taukafa replaced Cabbage, while Powell replaced Wood. It was the 56th. Minute.

Glaws gave away a penalty at their scrum. Oz attempted touch but kicked the ball dead, and things reached a new low. Glaws scrum pushed Tigers’ scrum back as they conceded a penalty. From the lineout Ludo kicked the ball crossfield, but Tom got there first, sadly only to knock it on. Tigers scrum was driven back to their try line, it went down, and the ref’, who was wearing yellow, straightaway gave a penalty try. It was the sixtieth minute, it was 29 – 6, for while the conversion was not on the road to Damascus, a miracle was now the order of the day.

Eustace replaced Pendlebury, likewise Parks, Elloway. Tom Varndell allowed a certain Mr Dodge his debut, whilst Skinner was Abraham’s substitute.

The pressure was, largely, all Glaws then, but without score. Ollie Smith returned, Alesano Tuilagi made way for Leon on the wing and Ross Bradfoot came on into the centre. Adam Balding replaced the influential Forrester.

This seemed to fire Tigers and they threw themselves into the fray. Glaws’ defence was stout, but Tigers earned a penalty on 66 minutes. In the aftermath all the winding up of Collazo finally paid dividends when he took a poke at Leon. Leon, one of the new breed of calm Tigers, did not retaliate. The ref was wearing yellow, he showed Collazo yellow.

Penalty begat lineout begat penalty begat lineout begat maul begat Will Johnson a try. Oz’s attempt at the conversion was not miraculous. 68 minutes, 29 – 11.

The restart launched an exciting wave of Glaws’ attacks, a Mercier pass cut out our defence for Foster to score an unconverted try in the corner. 71 minutes, 34 – 11.

Six minutes later, after initially scrappy, but then sustained Tigers’ attacking play, Taukafa forced his way over in the corner for a final score of 34 – 16, since Oz’s drop-conversion was not perfect.

With the minutes ticking away the only team likely to gain anything were the newly restored 15 man Glaws, so I had to wonder why Tigers were so profligate on their own 5 metre line by knocking on and risking giving Glaws their fourth try for a bonus point. I also wondered why, with the last kick of the game from the back of a scrum in Tiger territory, Ludovic Mercier chose to kick for touch to end the game rather than try for that elusive bonus point.

Maybe, just maybe, Tigers should have worn white for this game.