Sarries vs The Tigers - A Comedy of Errors

A Comedy of Errors.  Saracens v Leicester Tigers.  Sat 15th Sept 2012, Wembley.  Good afternoon and welcome to Wembley for this English Flyweight contest for the right to wear the number 10 shirt. In the blue corner, (well actually the “white washed with my blue tights” blue corner), from Leicester via Newcastle, the reigning Champion,  the 27  year old Toby Flood and in the red-with-black-stripes corner, from London via Wigan, the former Champion and challenger, the 20 year old Owen Farrell. Toby is assisted by his friends from up the M1, Toby’s Tigers while Owen has his friends from Watford, soon to be Barnet, The Saracens.

Right now over to our referee for the contest Mr Greg Garner……hang on a minute there is a late replacement and our referee is now Mr Martin Fox. Let’s hope he’s read up on the new laws for this season. So seconds out,

ROUND 1

Toby kicks off – oops Ashton isn’t helping with a clearance like that and inevitably it’s a penalty for Toby’s Tigers. Not an easy kick but Toby is cool and calm and over it goes. O dear Owen has put the restart straight into touch. Tigers go for the scum on half way and win another penalty. A long but straight kick for Toby. He’s up for it and over it goes. Toby and his Tigers lead 6-0 at the end of round 1.

 ROUND 2

Owen’s Sarries finally get into the Tigers half and even steal a lineout. Ashton breaks down the right wing and throws the ball at Manu and into touch. Oh no Mr Fox that should be Sarries’ ball. Nothing lost in the end. That’s better from Owen a nice up and under so nearly pouched by Goode but Mr Fox has finally noticed a Tiger’s infringement and Owen has the chance to narrow the deficit.  Straightforward kick in front of the posts. He can’t miss that…….he can! Round 2 also to Toby.

ROUND 3

Don’t think we’ve had a clean scrum yet- all penalties or free kicks. Nice break from Goode puts Maku through. Can Botha get there – no a knock on. Sarries at least have a bit of possession but O dear Owen has knocked it on as well. Toby’s not seeing much ball at the moment. This round could still go either way. Brits has got rid of his scrum cap so it’s down to business then. Finally Sarries get a scrum penalty. Can Owen get this one? It’s a bit tricky, out on the right hand 10m line, no way. So it’s round 3 to Toby too just because he didn’t do anything wrong!

ROUND 4

More knock ons. Both sides are equally bad! Well how fair was that – penalty Leicester against Nieto but Salvi wasn’t even pretending to bind! Never mind Toby can’t find touch and Owen does. Borthers is in the concussion bin. Dangerous series of Tigers’ attacks and another Tigers’ penalty. Toby kicks it again and Tigers are now 9-0. His place kicking may be dodgy but his goal kicking is, so far, perfect. Now it’s Owen’s turn to kick for goal. Another tricky one and he looks uncertain – that’s worrying. Brits says goal (is he the captain then?) Owen kicks but it’s wide again. So round 4 has to go to Toby as well.

ROUND 5

Borthers is back and it’s another Sarries’ penalty. In front but a fair way out. Owen’s up for it. Should Alex have a go instead? No Owen’s kicking – and at last he succeeds to an ironic cheer! 3-9. Toby compounds things by kicking a ball over the dead ball line. Just on half time though Toby misses touch again and Sarries have a last chance attack – and win a very kickable penalty. Owen’s up for it but he misses again and Sarries go in for the oranges 3-9 down instead of 15-9 up. That round is shared – both equally bad!

So at half time we hear Owen may not be fully fit. He’s had a groin injury and is short on kicking practice. If that’s true was this the game to play him? Maybe this flyweight contest is over then and Owen’s throwing in the towel!

ROUND 6

Maybe not. No changes at half time. At least it’s a decent restart! More errors though. Ashton seems to be getting there too early because the passes are slower and he knocks the ball on. Tigers aren’t much better thank goodness. The ball seems to be covered in soap! Owen finds a decent touch and that’s it he’s off so it looks like game set and match to Toby. But hang on who’s this? Sarries have sent on their challenger Charlie and his sidekick Wiggie.

ROUND 7

O my what has happened? This Charlie is in a different league! Already the tempo goes up, the shape looks better, the passing is slicker and Ashton gets a run. It’s a Sarries’ penalty and Charlie knocks it over for fun! 6-9.  Round 7 to Charlie by a mile.

ROUND 8

Is this the same team? Charlie’s beautiful bouncing kick puts Tigers in trouble and only a bit of magic from Hamilton saves the day. Sarries win another penalty and again Charlie kicks it. Tigers need to be careful now. They can no longer concede penalties without getting punished! 20 minutes left and the scores are level. Round 8 to Charlie too.

ROUND 9

Time to bring on the cavalry. The scrum has been struggling a bit so on comes  Smit and Gill along with Wyles. And a scrum penalty results! Sarries are doing the attacking now but the handling lets them down again. More trickery from Hamilton just keeps another Charlie cross kick in play. Finally a chance for Tigers when Mr Fox decides Kelly Brown was at fault at the break down. Toby steps up but this time he misses. Round 9 to Charlie then.

ROUND 10

So into the final round.  Yet more knock ons from both sides (how will they manage in the cold and wet to come?) Toby chips ahead but Goode beats Smith to the ball. Goode tries a quick restart but Wiggie can’t take it. Yet another scrum. Sarries weather the Tigers’ attack then turn the ball over from Toby forcing Hamilton to screw his clearance and give Sarries a 5m lineout. Best attacking chance of the game, 1m out but they’re going back to Charlie for the drop goal and O no! Even Charlie is human. In the face of charging Tigers he puts it wide. What an opportunity! Sarries are still pressing. Ashton is almost away but Sam Harrison just gets in the way. Time’s almost up and it’s a Tiger’s penalty. Toby finds a superb touch to give Tigers a chance. The clock is dead. Sarries are desperate not to concede a penalty but they can’t let Toby get close. Thank goodness Geordan Murphy went off! Toby doesn’t seem to want it and at this rate someone is going to knock the ball on. Tigers just can’t get close enough so finally Toby gives it a go from too far out and the ball goes wide.

So it ended in a draw. At the end of the day both defences held and neither side could break the deadlock. Owen’s misses proved costly, just one of those kicks going over would have made the difference! As to the Fly-weight contest, the best ten on view isn’t available for England. So Stuart, you may need to look a bit further afield for your first choice stand-off because on today’s form it isn’t either of these!

SARACENS

Goode, Ashton, Tomkins, Barritt, Short (Wyles), Farrell (Hodgson), De Kock (Wigglesworth), Vunipola (Gill), Brits (Smit), Nieto (Du Plessis), Borthwick, Botha (Hargreaves), Brown, Wray (Fraser), Joubert

LEICESTER

Murphy (Smith), Hamilton, Tulagi, Allen, Goneva, Flood, Harrison, Mulipola (Stankovich), Youngs (Chuter), Cole (Castrogiovanni), Kitchener, Parling, Mafi, Salvi, Waldron (Crane)

SCORES (Saracens first)

0-3 0-6 0-9 3-9 6-9 9-9

SCORERS:

Saracens: Farrell (pen), Hodgson (2 pen)

Leicester: Flood (3 pen)

Referee: Martin Fox

Attendance: 41,063