Fitting opposition etc etc - The Forwards

By Neville
June 19 2016

I now choose a formidable pack to match up to our brave lads. All are chosen on the same basis as the backs. I've seen them probably on television and perhaps, or have actually played alongside them. We now select a formidable pack of forwards, some of them, who will bearing in mind the time from which they come, have it all to do against our blokes

1. Mighty mouse. Ian McLauchlan

I hope I have not spelled his name wrong. 4'2" tall and wide. He managed to make a mess of almost everyone he played against or so it seemed in the black-and-white days. His nickname was either given to him by or more likely, revealed to a television audience by none other than Bill McLaren.

But from what I saw of his scrummaging in the early 1970s he was more mighty, than mouse. Perhaps by modern standards, he wouldn't be the complete player, but he sure as hell could scrummage. And that's a start. If you wearing a number one on your back.

2. Ron Salop.

Okay, that wasn't his name. Name changed to protect the innocent. I was at school with him, and for some reason he was a hooker. He couldn't scrummage, and like most of us in the LCHS for boys under 15's couldn't play at all. But his main claim to fame was that he was as blind as a bat. And I swear on more than one occasion when our scrum-half said ”ball coming in.. Now” he said something like ”from where?” And probably best if he plays alongside a decent tighthead. I also remember the fellow as a great bloke. So if you want a blind hooker who can drink above his weight Ron is your man.

3 . Graham Price

Time was when props simply bend over and pushed. As it were. And he did that well enough to be a cornerstone of the Lions pack in the early 70s

But in my mind is a picture of the said tighthead, lumbering towards the try line at the end of an expansive backs move , collecting the ball and being the last man standing, flopped over the line to score.

I seem to remember it took him about three minutes to get up.

“We did he come from” said the commentator. I understand only rugby played in such an atmosphere. When props were there to prop, and even British Lions props surprise everyone, including perhaps themselves, when they turn up on the end of a move to score a try.

4.Chris Jack

Yes I know he played for us. But he didn't really. He wore a black shirt, a bit, for a few months. But he never really ”played” for Saracens. He decided he was too good for us and that he would not grace us with his presence. And when that is mentioned to some of the lads in our side which will select within the next few days., I want to see his face when he's being lined up for “treatment”

Of course he was a wonderful player, All Blacks usually are.

And perhaps he did have the skill set beyond some of those he played with and for that matter against when he was “with” us. Apart from Richard Hill, that is. But I simply couldn't understand his attitude at all. Surely if you are prepared to accept wagers from an employer, it's your job to teach fellow employees who could do with teaching?

And now for his arrogance, I'm afraid, he must pay :-)

5. Martin Johnson.

You can't leave him out as much as you might want to. One of England's and indeed one of Britain's finest ever locks. His eyebrows were said to scare members of the opposition, but if I'd been playing against him I would have been more worried about him thumping me in the back when I wasn't looking. Or even when I was. …….. If you see what I mean . Was it, Robbie Russell, who sorted him out

Anyway, Ron, our hooker is going to need a bit of weight behind him

Oh , and he was British Lions captain a couple of times as well. Did quite well at that. I remember.

6. Jon Nomrah.

Another old school chum who is more than worth his place for his entertainment value, as well as his undoubted athleticism. And another top bloke who I remember with nothing but affection.

A year or two before we started to play rugby ,it was clear that Jon couldn't see his hand in front of his face. When he was asked by the nurse to read the words on the card on the wall, he said”which wall”and meant it.

So of course he played rugby and never caught a pass, or anything for the six or seven years or so that we played in that team.

But what he did to achieve immortality in this side is as follows.

We were up against it. I have a memory of looking up and seeing 15 Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Smoke belching from their nostrils, never mind any animals they might have been riding. We, it goes without saying ,were playing uphill into a 150 mile an hour wind, but then we always were.

Jon picked up the ball at the back of a ruck. He and I were the only two people left alive on our side. He squinted vaguely in my direction and to my horror seemed about to lob it slowly in that direction.

I yelled as loud as I have ever yelled before or since ”I don't want the bloody thing, kick it out”

And he did. Almost. He got underneath it and kicked it back over his own head into our in goal area where it was touched down by one of the above horsemen.

I suppose I could have covered across and dived on it, but I was too busy laughing.

I got lines for that

Jon became a county class trouble jumper when he grew up, but as a back row forward, he had too many joints in his extra long legs, ever to have been asked to kick anything. Especially when he couldn't see what he was kicking

7. Fergus Slattery.

I love the idea of somebody wailing like a banshee before they clattered into a fly half now paralysed into the shape of a rabbit staring into a headlight. I tried it once. They ignored me

Clearly I didn't have this consummate opensides presence , pace, stamina, or skill. I think it was he who either scored all was close at hand to report on the fact that a last-minute try in the fourth test in South Africa and 74 had in fact been scored, which was disallowed.

Not this time by Grahamxxxxxx Hughes. Though if given the chance., doubtless he would have done and if we'd scored it.. No, not him, for once it was disallowed by a local referee who had refereed the entire series scrupulously fairly up till then. But wanted to have the benefit of at least one decent home-town decision to be able to keep his farm.

I loved Slattery's play. There was a freedom about it and a wildness that I found compelling and yet it was all wrapped up in a world-class package. A wonderful player.

8. Andy Ripley

Well, I'm English, otherwise I would have chosen any number of great Welsh number eight's. But we going to need a little help in the lineout because our blindside couldn't catch a cold. And Ron's throwing, well………. Actually, now you come to mention it I never saw him throw in. Wingers used to do it when we “played”. I doubt if Ron through that there would be anything even remotely straight!!

Anyway, Ripley was another one of those who played in the successful English team in New Zealand in ‘ 73, and watching him charge down the field with his extra long legs(with just the right number of joints) was enough to strike terror into the hearts of all but the most robust defenders. He had tremendous pace and a lot of skill for a bloke who seemed a little bit too tall and thin.

He died far too young. But is immortality is now assured.”

Fitting opposition etc etc - The Forwards

Posted by: TheSaracens.com (IP Logged)

Date: 19/06/2016 19:24

Just found this in the unofish email box so thanks Neville

Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 2016:06:27:14:24:04 by Darraghgirl.