Rabble Rouser goes shopping

By Rabble Rouser (filed: 15/3/04)
March 15 2004

Floozies, Boozers, Fezboys and Loozers! It's been quite a while since I last (dis)graced this site, but as another season of nosebleed-inducing mediocrity draws to a close, I am going to console myself with a little retail therapy. That's right I'm off shopping for new players for next season.

Rumour has it that CEO Mark Sinderberry, Head Coach Rod Kafer and new Forwards Coach Steve Diamond have targeted some big and other not-so-big names to be Men in Black for next term.

Of course, there will a need to chuck out the dead wood and I am sure that some old favourites will be heading for the exit door between now and June when, traditionally, contracts start and end.

I'll leave it to you the reader to decide on who might be packing their bags after the London Irish game on 8 May (and I hope that the player on my table at the end-of-season dinner won't be one of them or it could be a long night), but the Sarries shopping list must contain a few goodies if the good times are to return to Vicarage Road.

Before I go on, I must emphasise that these are my personal views and they are not, necessarily, those of Saracens or Tony Taff. The people and I list are ones I would like to see at the club next season and it will be a pure co-incidence if any of them join.

So let's, in order of importance as far as I can see, go and bend the old credit card, shall we?

First and foremost, Saracens are in dire need of a goal kicker. Tommy Castatnets already has his hands full trying to get the flat, stagnant backline firing something other than blanks so to burden him with the place kicking duties is over and above the call of duty, in my opinion. I say give the man with the Gallic flair and the silly hair free rein to perform in midfield and bring in someone who can boot at least 4 from 5 goals.

You all know after all the mud slinging over on the Barf message board about the Olly Barkley rumour. Now it could be that Barkley is just trying to up his earning potential by telling his current employers that other clubs are willing to exceed the deal on the table down on the banks of the Avon. But if he does come to the club, it would be a great coup. The England man has been a key part of the turn around at the Rec this season and he would be a great asset to Sarries.

Other contenders are numerous, but Sarries need to have a player who is not approaching his pensionable age, eligible for the Lions and dependable with the boot. In England that would mean a Barkley or Charlie Hodgson, in Wales a Ceri Sweeney or Stephen Jones, in Ireland a Ronan O'Gara, in Scotland a Chris Paterson. Southern Hemisphere has-beens need not apply. No,not even you, Mr Mehrtens.

The next major purchase must be a defensive coach. These are about as plentiful as canary yellow Bentleys on a council estate, but it's been obvious to anyone who has watched Sarries regularly over the past few seasons that we have had one of the worst - if not THE worst - defences in the league.

Phil Larder is tied to Leicester, Shaun Edwards to Wasps, Dave Ellis to Gloucester. So that leaves someone like Clive Griffiths - oops, he's employed by the Welsh Rugby Union - or Mike Ford, lately of Ireland's coaching set-up, to come in and plug a few gaps. Quite literally. And if the defensive guru could also do a bit of backs coaching on the side like Griffiths can, then all the better.

Due to a lack of a cloning machine, Cobus Visagie will have to remain singularly unique and there will be a need to get some very robust props on board to help him along next season.

Losing David Flatman to Bath at the end of last year was a bigger blow than I envisaged and we need players of his calibre to ensure the front row is competitive. After all, that's where the game is normally lost and won - up front.

This season's most improved player (in my humble opinion) Ben Broster will definitely be here next season and hopefully Aston Croall will make similar progress under the tuition of Visagie should he stay on. So a couple of large carrier bags might be needed if the young guns and the old master are to be complemented by some more old heads.

Sarries have alredy taken some big steps towards assembling a pack that can win lineout ball. The arrival of Hugh Vyvyan and Iain Fullarton can only be good news. What we also need is another young lock in the Stuart Hooper mould to provide back up to Codders, Raiwa and the boys. Anyone got Hoops' phone number?

With Kyran Bracken making noises about driving off the first tee instead of driving his pack towards the opposition line next season, another scrum half would be on my shopping list.

Although Bracks has his benefit season next year, I really can't see this, in his own words, "battle weary" warrior wanting to play 30-odd games. So keeping Morgan Williams will be key, as will the recruitment of an understudy to the pair of them.

Sir Clive has made it known that he is concerned by the lack of talent available to the England cause after the retirement of Messrs. Bracken, Dawson and Gomarsall and it is the same at club level. Suddenly, like good props, good half backs will be worth their weight in platinum and getting a decent, young player in on a long-term deal will be a must. But finding one will be another thing altogether.

On paper, a back row containing Richard Hill, Taine Randell and Alex Sanderson looks like it would be a world-beating unit. But with Hill's name probably the first on Sir Clive's team sheet every game and Sanderson on the fringes of the England senior set-up, it will be necessary for the supporting cast to be up to the mark. Hugh Vyvyan's arrival is a good start as it will be make-or-break for the likes of Ben Skirving, Ben Russell and Ryan Peacey next season. These three are the future and have impressed thus far. In 04-05 they will get their chance to prove themselves, so I don't really need to spend a fortune in the back row. The proviso is that at least one of them blooms into a player that other clubs would love to have like a Hill, Randell, Vyvyan or Sanderson.

There is less demand for outside backs. Castaignede, Johnston, Sorrell, Haughton are all still under contract and in my frame for next season. Perhaps Nathan McAvoy will regain his fitness and become a force, who knows?

Paul Bailey will still be around and I hope that someone will see sense and give Robbie Kydd a decent deal of at least three years so that we can mould him into a great running and kicking fullback. Kydd has impressed me since he arrived from Bath earlier this term and he has a huge amount of potential. There may still be the need, however, for another outside half if the goal kicker plays in a different position.

Ultimately, the entire team and coaching staff need to be strengthened. There will be no room for sentiment as I am certain that a few old favourites will be on their way. The usual shrieks of terror from supporters of other clubs will come: "How can Sarries afford so-and-so under the Salary Cap?" and "They must be breaking the rules to be able to afford that many players!" But let's not kid oursevles, all the clubs must be finding one way or another to circumvent the dreaded Cap.


In conclusion, remember that this is my fantasy shopping spree and it is most unlikely that Sarries will have the wherewithal, the players the desire to move, or the Salary Cap the accommodation for all those players I have mentioned. But it would be great to see some of them pull on that black jersey next season.

PS. We're OK for hookers!