Now Listen Here You Lot!

Harley Quin
By Harley Quin
June 20 2003

Many of you who used to enjoy reading ERE back in the 90's will remember an old whinger called Harley Quin; a man who had something to say about everything, and not a lot of it very kind about the people he picked on. We have rescued the old man from a drinking stupor, let's see what he has to say.

Hello there fellow rugby fans, I'd like to say it's great to be back but it isn't. I'm only doing this because the editor has promised to top up the gin cupboard each evening because I'm running a bit low on funds. Don't expect great words of wisdom, you'll have to read the extensive contributions of Coochie Coo on that ludicrously fangled contraption "The Messageboard" for that, however you will get a bit of honesty and no doubt I'll upset a few people along the way. If I do upset anyone, tough that's life!

So what's caught me eye of late?

* Well we have to start with a corker don't we, who else other than David Campese. I used to write about this idiot 10 years ago and suddenly up he pops again, it's as though some heavenly figure decided we had been apart for too long. So Campese thinks England is a boring team and don't know how to score tries. This from a man who had to move to Italy to score his tries and who had a defensive game about as solid as a runny blancmange! It seems to me that Campese must have something to plug (book, record, kids toy) and is so desperate to get his face on the back pages of the papers that he thinks up the stupidest thing he can and then opens his trap.

Here we have an England team that has beaten all before it and gone to New Zealand and dogged out a victory anyone would be proud to claim. If the Aussies had done it you can bet your koalas that Campese would have commented that "It may not be pretty mate but it's pretty effective!". Additionally he would have sprinkled his comments with, "Against the best in the world you have to dog it out and do whatever is necessary to win - who remembers the losing team eh?"

In my opinion David Campese was an average winger playing in a fantastic Aussie team and he had a few lucky breaks. If he was a truly great player he wouldn't have had to be controversial he would have allowed his rugby to do the talking, unfortunately his rugby possessed a very limited vocabulary.

* I've followed the Bristol Rugby situation with interest over the past few months and wish them well with their trust, though I'm not too sure what their trust is for. Is it because they don't trust Malcolm Pearce that they've set up a trust so they can say, "Support Bristol because we've regained trust in the club!". It's interesting this trust thing because Bath have had a Trust ever since the club went professional and yet few supporters have any trust in them; mainly because they know nothing about them. Ah that's the answer, have a secret Trust and because nobody knows what is going on they can be trusted. As Campese would say, "Strewth mate sounds like a load of old cobblers to me!".

* I've come to the conclusion that Martin Johnson should be groomed as the next David Beckham, after all he's the England captain, is a known match winner, is not a great speaker in front of the cameras and his collection of sarongs are legendary. Wouldn't it be great to see loads of girls waiting at Heathrow when the team comes home all screaming for Johnno. He could cut his hair in interesting styles and have a little bit of facial fluff on his chin. He could have little red football boots with the names of his kids etched on them and his wife's name tattooed across his back.

If you are thinking I have gone mad well of course I have. Can you imagine the hardest man in rugby, who is respected around the world for helping to drag the England team to the top of the pile poncing around like a girl? Of course not and likewise any England supporting football fan should be embarrassed that their captain is a little bit too keen to show off his feminine side.

Well that's me for now, see you soon.