What Makes A True Grump?

By Glen Leat
July 1 2004

What are the silly little things that irritate you? This was the question I posed on the messageboard expecting to get the standard set of replies about work, ex-partners, ticket prices, the RFU fleecing rugby supporters, rubbish TV all year round and not just in the summer etc, etc, etc....

However instead of just commenting on irritations many ERE folk have demonstrated they can take moaning beyond the realms of normal complaining and are as grumpy a group of people you will ever get. Nice one! As a Grumpy Old Man myself I can relate to much that has been said on this thread. But some ERE'ers are capable of taking moaning to a much higher level - Premier Class Grumpiness!

There is an art to perfecting real Premier Class Grumpiness. It's not enough just to have a moan about things we all moan about, for example politicians, traffic wardens or inconsiderate motorists. No, to be a Premier Class Grump you have to moan about things which the majority may find mildly irritating but can easily live with, for example moans on our board include:

• The phrase "Health and Safety"
• Flip flops/sandals (esp. on blokes!)
• People - on the whole - who write letters to the Chronicle.

It takes real class to moan about a phrase like "Health and Safety" unless of course you are never healthy or safe. Now I could understand a gripe at the term "Wasps- League Champs" but the phrase Health and Safety as a point of contention will take some beating.

Clothing comes in for a real hammering, and rightly so judging by the lists of dodgy gear mentioned on the board, however flip flops and sandals are common place for many and a must on holiday. Now I'll give you sandals on a bloke with a suit and socks going to work - that really sucks. But to moan about this footwear in general shows a less than easy going personality: that's Premier Grumpiness.

I've been driven to write to the Chronicle in the past, not to start a debate but to argue with someone I regarded as having a wholly ridiculous point to make. However I'm inclined to agree with this moan because the majority of the content on the letters page is pure rubbish written by the same handful of sad individuals who think the rest of us have an interest in their lives or what they are saying. I also hate the fact that the Editor allows so many local politicians to air their views so often, usually slagging each other off, when they have their own debating chamber in which to perfect their art without wasting ink and paper.

But all of this is baby stuff by comparison to the moans and groans of one or two Kings of Grump, for example:

• People who respond to the question, 'how are you?', with the answer 'I'm good'.......I mean, 'good at what?' for xx sake.
• When people say "they were decimated" when they mean completely destroyed rather than 1 in 10 destroyed.
• That ridiculously happy weather woman, (Carol Kirkwood), on Breakfast on the BBC with the really smarmy scots accent.

The way some people use words is a classic for the pedantic Grump. It doesn't hurt anyone and perhaps could be argued as adding to the development of our language, as has happened down the centuries, however if they don't speak how the Grump wants them to speak they are wrong: brilliant Grumpiness par excellence!

Happy  people on telly when you are feeling really Grumpy is like a red rag to a bull. How do Grumps stop themselves chucking a brick through the screen? Mind you, if they did, the Grump would want to know why a brick had been left in front of the telly.

So why are we all so grumpy? Is it something in the genes (or jeans, judging by the many fashion faux pas'), is it our age or is it that we're all missing our rugby? Go on enjoy the rest of the summer, the rugby season and colder weather will be on us before we know it.