Sven Goran Erikkson Is New Bath Coach!

By Harley Quin
June 8 2006

Many of you who used to enjoy reading ERE back in the 90's will remember a grumpy old man called Harley Quin; he had something to say about anything and everything, not a lot of it very kind about the people he picked on. We've contacted the old man, let's see what he has to say on recent matters.

Hello folks, now we're in the off season I've been dusted off to fill up some space on this site and over the coming weeks I'll be commenting on anything which takes my fancy. I don't get allocated much space so let's not waste any more on this introduction.

Brian Ashton

So he's gone, big deal, I'm over it! Forget all the rubbish about Ashton being courted by the RFU, this move was always on the cards as soon as a mate of mine spotted Nancy Dell'Olio browsing the window of a well know estate agent in the centre of Bath. With Nancy in town it was clear she was on a scouting mission for her "man", Sven Goran Erikkson. I can exclusively reveal that Erikkson made it known to Bob Calleja some time ago that he wanted to do a "Clive Woodward" in reverse and after taking the England Football Team to victory in the World Cup he wants to swap codes and manage a rugby team.

The Bath Rugby management found itself in a quandary, after all they had a water tight contract with Brian Ashton. They wanted Sven but couldn't see how they would be able to release Ashton without facing a massive legal bill and compensation. Fortunately the men at the RFU jumped on their white chargers and offered Bath a let-out by taking Ashton off their hands. They were even prepared to make things look like Bath were reluctant to let Ashton go.

But all of this couldn't be timed to allow the England Rugby team to go to Australia with their new coach before Sven could be announced as the new Bath Rugby head coach as this could only take place after the football World Cup had finished. Various experts were brought on board to resolve the situation and after many meetings and weeks of discussion they concluded that the best thing to do was  - nothing! Keep quiet for long enough and everyone will get fed up. Then announce Sven's appointment and the news will spread worldwide. The value of the Bath Rugby brand will rocket and earn sufficient to pay the inflated salary demanded by the enigmatic Swede. 

So the World Cup finishes on 9 July - expect an announcement the following week that Sven Goran Erikkson is the new Head Coach at Bath Rugby. You read it here first!

Wayne Rooney

Hallelujah he's going to the World Cup. Thank God for that I haven't slept in weeks wondering and worrying. Mrs Quin thought my tummy trouble had flared up again and placed newspaper on the bathroom floor just in case. I heard on the radio that a fanatical England football supporter pledged to hold his breath throughout the time it would take to scan Rooney's foot as a show of solidarity for his hero. Unfortunately for matey the hospital technical scanning operative scanned the wrong foot and had to do it twice and by the time the procedure was completed the fan had expired and so will miss watching Rooney play in Germany. Shame no one bothered to tell the bloke to take another breath following the mistake with the scanning device!

So why did I share that story with you? To try and highlight how ludicrous the whole Rooney issue has been. If we're so desperate for one fellow to play to win the Cup then we might as well go home now. Has someone told these footie folk that it's a team sport?

Coochie Coo

After following ERE since it's beginning as an online fanzine, the one and only Coochie Coo has finally passed the amazing milestone of 10,000 posts on the ERE Messageboard. Loved by many, loathed by a few, this is a man who has wound up more people than Freddy Timex has wound up clocks! I tip my hat to you sir.