El Cid

El Cid

Starring

Pat Sanderson as El Cid

and

featuring

Nicholas Le Roux as Santa Claus

Once upon a time, in days of old when knights were bold, the borderlands of the West faced a black-clad threat from the East.  For the fourth time in 12 months, the Worcester Warriors were under attack from the Saracens, mighty fighters renowned for their mobility and ferocity.  Mounted on Arab steeds and wielding razor-sharp scimitars, they had the potential to cut an enemy to pieces, as they had done to the Northmen only a week before. The most feared of the “Men in Black” was Le Castaignede, a French mercenary who could dart past defences like quicksilver. The Warriors would need all their strength and cunning to avoid the defeats he had inflicted on them in previous meetings.

The banners were fluttering outside Fortress Sixways as the advancing Saracens drew near.  Behind their army, decked out to-day in triumphant white, came the camp followers: seasoned campaigners who showed their allegiance by wearing a scarlet fez, often adorned with trophy badges from past campaigns.

Within the Fortress, the Warrior army prepared itself while its followers unfurled banners, lubricated vocal cords and discussed tactics.  What kind of weapon could the Warriors use against the fast moving Saracens, whose reputation for physical ferocity was well-known?  They must place their trust in their leader, Captain Marvel, otherwise known as “El Cid”.  He had led them through paths of danger to safety on other occasions; he would lead them safely to-day.

At 2pm, the two armies found themselves face to face in the arena of Fortress Sixways.  As El Cid surveyed the massed ranks of the enemy, his glance did not flinch as it passed over his own face in front of him.  Dark of hair and eyes, a little thinner perhaps, but the likeness was unmistakeable.  This was his brother. He hardened his heart.  In war, as in love, there is no room for sentimental weakness.

The whistle blew and battle commenced.

Wave upon wave of fast moving Saracens passed and darted and wove their way through the Worcester lines.  In reply, the Warriors employed their siege engines, perfected through years of attrition.  Their first line of defence was to be found in Antoine La Fenêtre, André de Suid-Afrique and Christophe Le Chevalier.  They and their fellow experts set up battering-rams which went crashing into chests, stomachs and legs, stopping the speeding Saracens in their tracks.

At first it seemed that such tactics alone might not be enough, despite the roars of encouragement from the massed supporters, but then the Warriors unveiled their secret weapon – Nicholas de Brive.  Using his supernatural powers, he was able to appear in two places at once, confusing the enemy and even neutralising the effect of Le Castaignede.  At one point he was captured and dropped over the battlements but, miraculously, he escaped unhurt to continue his harassment of the enemy.

Eventually, the enemy found a devious way to undermine our battering-rams, but the Warriors simply turned to Plan B.  Binding themselves together they employed the old Roman technique known as “The Tortoise” and pushed their way, heaving and grunting across the Saracen front line.  This allowed the old war-horse, Antoine La Fenêtre, to drop his bombshell at their feet. 

Victory was ours and the Saracen army admitted defeat.  The Diamond in their crown might have sparkled less brightly on the earth of the battlefield, but now brother was reunited with brother and honours could be awarded to both sides.

El Cid himself, wounded but unbowed, was able to lead his victorious troops in triumph around the stadium to receive the adoring applause of his people.  As for Nicholas de Brive, he was rapidly awarded the title of Saint Nicholas for the miracles he had performed in front of so many witnesses. Already his deeds are passing into legend and, in future days, when we hear the cynics say, “ Santa Claus doesn’t exist”, we will nod knowingly, smile to ourselves and reply, “You’re wrong.  We know he does, because

WE WERE THERE!”

RT