After letting it cook for a day, it's time.

By Parminio
March 8 2004

Given the blinding laps set at the start of winter testing, then the painfully slow times set towards the end of testing, McLaren fans everywhere were totally puzzeled as to what was going on.

But all of those questions were answered Sunday afternoon in a big way. Simply put, Team McLaren were beaten senseless, wrapped in an old blanket and buried someplace in New Jersey where the body will never be found.

The start wasn't that bad...considering. Kimi lagged a bit on his start but DC got off well. By the end of the first 2 laps, our hero's were sitting in decent shape with Kimi behind DC in a good possition for a possible points finish. That's right...I said POSSIBLE points finsh.

It wouldn't last.

On lap 9 while fighting for his life against a Sauber...yes, I said Sauber...Kimi's rear wheels pulled an Alcatraz and locked down sending him off the track and out of the race. One wonders if it really would have mattered as Fisi was all over Kimi like a cheap suit in his Sauber. Yes...I said Sauber. Man handeling a McLaren no less.

So we McLaren fans are relegated to bowing down before any graven image we can find to help bring DC home. It didn't look good. At all.

At one point DC resorted to picking up a couple of oars so he could ROW the car through the corners. The understeering problem of his McLaren was painful to watch. Along the lines of watching your house burn down. McLaren are considering an outrigger for Malaysia...so maybe we'll be in better shape then.

But DC held it together and brought it home 8th. It was clear to see in the early going that McLaren's pace was SO far off the mark that it was pointless to maintain a 3 stop strategy. So, they loaded DC up, switched him to a two stopper an let him ride. At least they did SOMETHING right this weekend. In the end though, were it not for the gift of Mark Webber's jag giving it up, McLaren would have come away with nothing.

Speaking of Webber...a fantastic drive to be once again foiled by a Jaguar that can't last the distance. It seems that Jaguar are becoming quite good at snatching defeat from the very jaws of victory...something BAR is used to.

But BAR got their act together for Oz, and Button drove a brilliant race to bring it home 6th. Oddly, that's half of JV's points total from last year in the first race. Well done. OH...Takuma "Crash" Sato you ask? A well driven race finishing 9th behind DC in his canoe.

Williams had a good showing as well. Juan made his charactoristic goofs during the race, but thanks to the FW26 chassis he managed to hang on and finish behind Ralph for a 4-5 placement respectively just behind the Renault of Alonso...yes, I said Alonso.

Alonso flat out drove the wheels off the car. The car, which has gone retro to a 72 degree configuration and is rumoured to be down on power, looked VERY good. Once again, I don't think Renault are as down as they make out to be...just like last year.

Ferrari on the other hand had major problems. According to pit reports, Jean Todt dropped the ball and forgot to pick up extra coffee...which resulted in a pinch for the team. After a 15 minute 'all hands on deck' scramble however, they managed to liberate some from Ross Braun and save the day. Force feeding Mike coffee during his stops were the only thing keeping him awake, and without it he would have surely fallen asleep. Mike also was rumoured to have complained about being lonely with noone around to play with.

He's a big boy though, he'll get over it. That's it for me. I'm outta here.