Cheltenham Town FC Big Brother

www.sevenoaksart.com
By Peegs
July 25 2003

Yes it's that time of year again when Big Brother hits are screens, here are the highlights from the Cheltenham Town orientated House.

The housemates this year were A Gloucester City fan, Bo Henrikson, Leo Fortune West, Brian Talbot, Jan Molby, Jason White, Alex Powell, Joe Kinnear and the star attraction Hugh McAuley.

Day 1

All the housemates gather on the sofas, Big Brother has an announcement for the group. "Housemates are informed that Hugh McAuley the final housemate will arrive shortly when he arrives back from his meeting with Real Madrid about his future move.

Day 2

Big Brother has given the housemates a topic of conversation to talk about being -'What part of your body do you dislike the most'. Brian Talbot starts off the conversation 'I'm not a big fan of my nose, it's far too big and makes me look like Pinocchio, infact whenever I say Rushden haven't brought success it's seems to get bigger! Strange that!

During Days 3 to 6 nout much happened apart from Joe Kinnear offered to stroke new arrivals Hugh McAuleys greasy hair. Nominations were also made and the 2 people to face the public vote are A Gloucester City fan and Joe Kinnear.

Day 7

It’s the First Eviction evening and Davina announces that it was nick and tuck all the way but with 52% of the vote Joe Kinnear will be the first person to leave the house. Joe collected his bags and left the house, Joe was waving to the public at the top of the stairs when he fell down and sadly died. R.I.P Joe bellowed Davina who proceeded to remind viewers of the continuing live coverage on E4.

Day 8

Housemates are called into the garden under orders from Big Brother to participate in a task for a treat. This week’s task is hitting a ball 5 yards into an empty net. The housemates stepped up one by one and stroked the ball home, all were successful and would gain a treat, the only contestant left was Jason White, he stepped forward and stabbed the ball forward, time seemed to have stopped as housemates looked at where the ball was going.........and it went WIDE! in the process the ball hit a chicken who unfortunately didn't pull through. All housemates went into the secret room whilst Jason White was locked in the chicken coup.

The other highlight of Day 8 was Leo Fortune West practicing his elbow thrusts in the boy’s bedroom to the amazement of the other housemates.

Day 9

The housemates were gathered on the sofas to make a nomination. They went in one by one but Alex Powell had to be consoled by the housemates as the ordeal of nominating got too much for the little guy as he tried to take his life by thrusting a carrot into his side. The other housemates reasoned with young Alex to 'put down the carrot' and 'not do anything stupid'. Thankfully Alex put down the carrot and proceeded to make his nominations.

Day 10

Big Brother announces who has been nominated for eviction, this week there are 3 people put to the 'public vote' in alphabetical order.............. Alex Powell, Jan Molby and Brian Talbot.

During days 11-13 Alex Powell made frequent visits to the diary room repeating mindless drivel which he had already said about his possible eviction on Friday. A Gloucester City fan chopped off his foot mowing the lawn and Hugh McAuley started talking to a sock puppet who he told 'you’re my best friend', the sock gave no reply.

Day 11 Its eviction day, as a safety measure Big Brother has asked for all carrots to be taken to the Diary Room so Alex Powell cant touch them. Davina announces that the 2nd person to leave the Big Brother house is...........Alex Powell. The housemates wave goodbye to Alex who leaves the house and is immediately whisked away to a carrot free zone for the safety of the general public.

Day 12

It's the housemates live task on a Saturday evening, housemates must chose a member to dress up and put pig tails in their hair, they nominate Bo Henrikson who shrieks in delight 'Oh make me pretty boys!'. Big Brother provides the group with make up, lip stick and hair bands and they proceed to apply them to Bo. The housemates pass the task and Bo declares that he likes his new style and will probably wear it in the future.

Day 13

For completing the task Big Brother provides the housemates with 50 bottles of beer and a choice of take away, they chose Singaporean as Jason White declares he likes the Octopus they serve over there since his big move into the Singaporean league. Unfortunately Hugh McAuley drinks too much and spends most of the night trying to chat up Bo Henrikson who he mistakes for a girl.

Day 14 sees the housemates nominate for a 3rd time, A Gloucester City fan was nominated by everyone for being what all housemates considered being 'loserish behaviour and a sexual attraction to the chickens' and Hugh McAuley for being an 'annoying scouser with greasy hair'. They will both face the public vote for eviction on Friday.

Day 15 The housemates are in the garden making there weekly shopping list, Jan Molby decides to take over the duties and spends 75% of the budget on pies and burgers, the other 25% is mainly taken up by Hugh' and Bo's hair products whilst Leo ordered some elbow pads at a cost of 99p a pair.

During days 16 and 17 the housemates discuss there proudest moments of there lives. Jason White says it was when he managed to get 3 shots on target in a row, Brian Talbot says it was when he didn't spend any money on new players during 1 week and Jan Molby's was when he managed to break the pie eating world record. A Gloucester City fan had no proudest moment to date.

Day 18

Its eviction day, the housemates are on the sofas having just had a meal of pie for starters, pie for main and pie for desert, Davina announces that with 100% of the vote A Gloucester City fan is the 3rd person to be evicted from the Big Brother house. The 'slob' as he has been nick named by his fellow housemates leaves to a chorus of boos and flying tomatoes and Davina chooses not to interview him as he only knows basic language such as 'we are an awful team I wish we played like that team called Cheltenham from Cheltenhamshire' etc.....

Day 19

The housemates sleep all day after celebrating the eviction of a Gloucester City fan.

Day 20

Disaster nearly struck today as Bo Henrikson broke a finger nail making chicken soup for the group, he rushed to the Diary room to see the Big Brother Doctor who gave him some pain killers to get him through the ordeal.

Day 21

The housemates go to the Diary Room 1 by 1 to make their 4th nominations; Hugh has to be escorted to the Diary Room as he spilled hair gel in his eyes this morning. All nominations are in and Big Brother reveals that the housemates up for eviction this week are........in alphabetical order - at this point Brian Talbot asks 'What is alphabetical order? - Bo Henrikson and..... Leo Fortune West.

During days 22 to 24 Jan Molby declares his desire to eat all of the Big Brother chickens, Big Brother rules clearly state the chickens must not be eaten by fat ugly men. Jason White stubs his toe on the Diary Room chair and Brian Talbot plucks nose hair from his big nose which infact took the duration of the 3 days.

Day 25

Its eviction day, to ease the stress of the day Bo Henrikson rubs massage oils into the back and legs of Hugh McAuley to rather disturbing groans of satisfactions. After the steamy massage session housemates gather on the sofas as Davina reveals 'that the 4th person to leave the house is.......Leo Fortune West'. Leo gathers his belongings including the elbow pads and leaves the house. Davina explains to Leo that Bo Henrikson has become some what of a Gay Icon and is officially favourite to win the show (the only competition Kiddermsinster will win).

Day 26 and 27

The housemates have another live Saturday night task, they have to chose one member of the house to come to the Diary Room and say something so ridiculous. The housemates all nominate Hugh McAuley. Hugh comes to the Diary Room and says 'My ridiculous quote is 'I think my style of play is best suited to the first division''. This is beamed back to the other housemates who are on the sofas in stitches of laughter as they know they have passed the task as what Hugh said was a pile of pants!

Day 28

It's time for the housemates to make there 5th nominations, this weeks nominations are delayed by 10 minutes as Big Brother firemen are sent in to remove Brian Talbot’s nose from the sofas after he got it wedged after a freak accident. Nominations are finally made and Big Brother announces that the 2 housemates to face the public vote this week are Jan Molby and Jason White.

During days 29 to 31 Jan Molby savaged a Chicken and was severely reprimanded by Big Brother, the RSPCA vowed to hunt down Jan when he got out and dice him up into millions (that should read billions RSPCA) of pieces and feed him to chickens up and down the country. Hugh McAuley and Bo Henrikson platted each others hair and Brian Talbot read the dictionary backwards, he said it 'gave him great pleasure and satisfaction' or was that the conversation when he was knocking off Max Griggs wife? I can't remember!

Day 32

It's eviction day Jason White and Jan Molby hold hands (its the first time Jan's hand has been free of a pie) as the tension mounts. Davina announces that the 5th person to leave the Big Brother house is ......... Jason White. Jason left the house but it was later revealed that this was under the orders of Tony Blair who was worried that Jason's cult following from Singapore would see Asylum levels rise in the country.

During days 33 to 34 the housemates perform another live Saturday night task. The task is which housemate has the worst BO. There are only 4 housemates left, Bo, Hugh, Jan and Brian Talbot and they chose either Jan or Brian. Brian is chosen and steps over to the BOmeter which rockets to 100 and the housemates pass the test, they can either chose deodorant for Brian of 30 bottles of beer. They chose the beer and lock Brian outside so they don't have to smell is arm pits.

Day 35

The housemates have to make their final nominations of the series. Bo who is wearing a hat as he accidentally got blue take stuck in his hair last night is first up to vote, other housemates follow subsequently. Big Brother announces that all housemates will face eviction on Friday.

Day 36

Bo and Hugh are sitting in the garden eating grass, this is due to the fact that Jan has eaten all the food and Brain Talbot sneezed over the vegetables grown in the Big Brother garden. They even start making sheep noises and it appears Hugh is a better sheep impersonator than footballer.

During days 37 and 38 Jan is locked in the Dairy room as a safety precaution after he tried to eat Hugh McAuley. Hugh is playing with a stick as he is trying to remember how to use a pen before he flies to Madrid after the show to sign for Real.

Day 39

It's eviction day, all housemates are up for the public vote, they decide to sit on each others lap but unfortunatly Jan Molby sits on top and crushes the other housemates. Davina announces that the 6th person to leave the Big Brother house is...........Brian Talbot. Official Big Brother paramedics carry Brian out on a stretcher and to the nearest hospital as he recovers from the Jan Molby crushing incident.

Day 40 to 41 . Hugh and Bo sleep for 2 days recovering from being sat on by Jan Molby. Jan compiles a shopping list that as usual contains every type of pie available including Donkey pie (Drewe Broughton pie to the non pie lover) and burgers. Unfortunatly for viewers the weather is good and Jan decides to sun bathe in his swimming shorts showing off his body to the world (not a pretty site!).

Day 42

There are no nominations this week as it is the final week of Big Brother. You must vote for who you think should win Big Brother! It is up to you, from all you have read who do you think should win Big Brother? Leave your nominations on the Big Brother thread on the cheltenhamtown.tk message board.

During days 43-45 Bo and Hugh declare there un denying love for each other. They feel they have alot in common i.e they use the same hair shampoo, share the same footballing ability: zilch and like prancing around in the garden like sheep. Jan picks jumper fluff out of his belly button. As a special treat on Day 45 Big Brother supplies the housemates with a meal and make up, Jan immediately bounds over to the food and Bo to the make up. Hugh who has the acceleration of a mongoose suffering from arthritis misses out on both treats and twiddles with his hair for the evening.

Day 46 - THE FINAL DAY!

The housemates wake up all in the same bed covered in Jan's sweat. For the sake of channel 4's TV licence footage was never released of what happened that night. The housemates are nervous as the final minute approaches but who will win Big Brother. You decide! Leave your vote for who you think should win Big Brother out of Bo Henrikson, Jan Molby and Hugh McAuley on the thread entitled Big Brother on the cheltenhamtown.tk message board.