Curve Balls Sunday Opinion

By Curve Ball
September 18 2002

Curve Balls Sunday Opinion this week Curve Ball compares the Scottish Premier League to the English Premier League and points out the differences between both Leagues.

There’s only one Man United??? 

I had a visit last week from three of my cousins from ‘down saff’. All fine guys, football daft. They follow a non-league club and are really keen about the game down there. Apparently, the non-league scene is blossoming in England. This was news to me. I automatically compared the English non-league sides with the Scottish juniors. Big mistake. Almost as inappropriate as comparing the SPL to the Premiership. Anyway, there seems to be several reasons why the non-league clubs are flourishing. Firstly, the clubs are firmly a part of the community in which they are situated. That is to say, they have not grown into some mega-business. Everyone knows the directors who live locally and the players are all local lads. Effectively then, the fans run the club AND play for the team. Another reason is that ticket prices are not overly high. The cost of an average season ticket is the equivalent of a main stand ticket for one game at Stamford Bridge! Most important of all though is that the clubs can compete on fairly level terms. That’s not to say that some don’t have an advantage on others. For example, Boston were apparently backed quite heavily to go up from the Conference last year. However, in the main, its all very competitive and this appears to have helped to draw lots of new punters to the games.

I was thinking about that very point when one of the ‘cazzins’ asked me who I thought would win the league in Scotland. Without hesitation I began weighing up the merit and demerits of the OF squads for them. After 5 minutes of Curve Ball analysis, I plumped for Celtic. There then followed a slight pause before I was asked ‘Anybody else?’………….eh!!…….. I should explain. Scottish football is not huge in Surrey. In addition, the eldest of the three was 19, the youngest 15, so they haven’t really had the inclination or opportunity to learn much about the Scottish game. So, with the above in mind, how do you explain to three teenagers brought up in a competitive, fair and non-sectarian football environment that the only possible winner of the Scottish Premier League MUST be either Celtic or Rangers?

This is how I cracked it.  

Firstly, I asked them how big they considered Manchester United to be. ‘Huge’, ‘Gigantic’ and ‘Biggest club in England’ were the kind of replies I got. ‘Well’, says I, ‘imagine if there were 2 Manchester Uniteds’ in England!!’ Another slight pause, then the opposition started. Clearly this view didn’t go down well with them. ‘That would be rubbish. Nobody else would have a chance…. etc, etc’. They were beginning to get the drift. After a minute or so, I took it a little further. ‘Imagine these 2 Manchester Uniteds’ didn’t play in the Premiership. Imagine that all the clubs in the Premiership and 1^st division didn’t exist. Imagine that the 2 Manchester Uniteds’ played in the English 2^nd division – permanently.’ That really got them going. A chorus of disapproval followed. ‘You’ve got to be joking. How could you have a real league in that situation? It’s stupid. It’s not even a league’. Finally, I played my last card. ‘Imagine that the other 2^nd division clubs had to play the 2 Manchester Uniteds’ FOUR times each per season. Imagine also that the 2 Manchester Uniteds’ received more TV money than the other 2^nd division clubs, that they were at liberty to buy the other teams best players whenever they wanted and that the press and TV conspired with them to ensure the above and maintain their dominance……………..’ Discussion over. They now understood. 

In fairness to them I should add that though the discussion was over, the questions were not. Basically they wanted to know if a) it had always been like this, and b) why did we bother going to games. As one of them said, ‘It seems all so pointless.’ My answer to the above points was that yes, it had more or less always been this way although it had gotten a lot worse when Lawrence Marlborough had begun the Rangers revolution in 1986. David Murray had exacerbated things when he took over and Celtic had now gone down the same route. As to the second question…………… well, I really didn’t have an answer. A proper answer, I mean. In truth, no other club in Scotland should have a ‘crowd’.  Why do Dundee and Dundee United still get thousands of people turning up for home games? The answer might lie in the fact that derby games usually outsell games against the OF. That is to say, they are competitive in that the winner is not apparent before kick-off. The result could genuinely go either way. The same could be said for games against most other SPL clubs. My final offering to the ‘cazzins’ then was that we went along to games despite the domination of the OF and because, in general, most of the rest of us were real football fans…………….. and possibly because things might, just might, change at some point in the future.

Note to D.Murray. Don’t give up on your dream. Just forget Surrey. Yiv nae chance!