Russian Takeover at Kiddy??
Ivan Brittski ?
By Kidd Akidder
July 17 2003
Could little Kidderminster Harriers be following Chelsea with a Soviet takover ? Kidderminster Scuttle reporter, Kidd Akidder, meets the potential new owner.
K I D D E R M I N S T E R SCUTTLE SCUTTLE REPORTER KIDD AKIDDER MEETS HARRIERS POTENTIAL NEW OWNER.
RUSSIAN TAKEOVER AT AGGBOROUGH First it was Chelsea, now Third Division Kidderminster Harriers are set for a Russian takeover, well nearly. Kazakhstani Billionaire, Borat Udjanikabolakov is in advanced talks with Harriers current Chairman Colin Youngjohns about a possible takeover of the cash strapped Nationwide League club. In a Scuttle Exclusive, Mr Udjanikabolakov, a famed Soviet Circus owner, tells us of his plans for Kidderminster Harriers.
Speaking, whilst staying at the plush Lion Hotel in Kidderminster, Mr Udjanikabolakov tells the Scuttle about himself, his business, his money and more importantly, his plans for Kidderminster Harriers. Mr Udjanikabolakov is a household name in his home country of Kazakhstan. The Circus performer and owner has two children from his estranged wife Tattiyana, Siamese twins, Igordisway and Egordatway. Despite being separated from his wife, they remain close friends, in fact he showed me many pictures of her. He also keeps regular contact with his two sons, “we are very close, he said, and the two boys get on well with their mother, they’re inseperable, he added “. Mr Udjanikabolakov is now with long term girlfriend, pole dancer turned trapeze artist Geyun Yabakyabich, with whom he is conducting business in Kidderminster. He made his money performing with his much acclaimed “Freak” Circus across the former Soviet Union making much money. He also owns a Siberian salt mine and a thriving car export business. But why the interest in Harriers ? Simple really, the Soup.
Whilst on a visit to the area with his car business some years ago, he attended a match at Aggborough and sampled the famous soup. “ it was just like when I was a boy, in poverty back home in Kazakhstan, he said.” “It really was a taste of home”. From then on he always harboured ideas of returning to Kidderminster and finally decided to after the fall of the Communists. From then on it was a case of finding a Communist state, and with the arrival of new Labour, it was England all the way for Udjanikabolokov.
So what are his plans for Harriers ? Well there will be plenty, and some could be unpopular with the Harriers faithful. The most controversial are his name changing plans. Harriers will no longer be the name for the Kidderminster club, Udjanikabolokov plans to change that, and the names of the ground, even the manager, who will have to share team selection with the potential new owner. Udjanikabolakov revealed the proposed changes. Aggborough is to be known as “Aggborograd”. Manager Ian Brittain will now be called “Ivan Brittski”
Udjanikabolakov also revealed he is already looking for potential new signings. He has approached a few aging stars in the hope of raising the clubs profile. Two of these stars have actually retired from the game, former Liverpool star Ian Rush-an and Ex Arsenal striker Perry Groves. Udjanikabolakov commented “ I’ve always admired Groves, and I’m a firm believer in a Perry-striker”.
However the most controversial of all, is the clubs name change. Udjanikabolakov was also rumoured to be interested in buying Rushden and Diamonds and planned to call them “Russian and Diamonds”. He withdrew his offer when he found out of their connections to Dr Martens boots. “we Soviets may not have much fashion sense”, he said, “but I’m not associating myself with those horrid shoes”. After this he turned his attention to Kidderminster and the Harriers board look to have agreed to his name change plans. From next season, the 117 year old club will be known as “Kidderminster Glory Boys”. This has yet to be confirmed however and there is set to be a vote on KGB at the forthcoming AGM. One thing which wont change though, is the club colours of Red.
sorry about that, but hopefully will continue to include some fanzine style stuff in the TFH Fanzine Style