Fanzine Humour

By TFH
July 17 2003

The first part of Bomber Bo's imaginary dating advice to Kiddy fans and anyone who;ll listen, to the master of Mirage nightclub.Totally fictional.

SCORE WITH THE HARRIERS IMAGINARY DATING ADVICE WITH BOMBER BO.

Single, Need Advice? Then look no further as TFH brings you all of the scoring advice you need from the stars. We have secretly been following and learning the great techniques of Bomber Bo Hendrikson. Now following a telepathic interview, Bo reveals all in TFH.

NUMBER ONE : THE NIGHTCLUB

Its is important to keep all options open in a scoring situation. Firstly do not jump in quickly and chose the first you see. Relax, maybe smoke a cigarette and peruse the room coolly. Who is available ? well let me tell you, everyone is available at this stage, everything is possible. For the 1st hour, drink as much as possible and smoke the odd cigarette as well. So you’ve been there an hour, now its time to move on.

After viewing the room, you then select your squad. Always confer with a friend so you know who is in each others squad. Firstly work out your starting eleven, then move on to your substitutes bench. Once this is sorted, relax smoke your cigarette and work your way through the squad.

Your squad system should work along the lines of mine below. Work each member of your squad out into times when you may have to bring them on. Unfortunately not all women will find you desirable, so accept knock backs, stay cool, keep smiling and move on. Oh and before I forget, slow down on the drinking. Drink enough to keep the “ wolf from the door”, but not too much to encourage, as we say in Denmark, “ the limp sausage”. Work on the below timetable:

10.00 pm 1 hour “man drinking” any girls in this time must be special and in your starting 11. if you do get lucky early, leave at once, nightclub drinks aren’t cheap.

11.00pm-11.30pm starting 11 only, again leave if possible once sorted.

11.30-12.30pm now you can start using your 2nd & 3rd choices. Please note, the further down the list you go pretend to be broke. You may get chance to go back up the list and would want to impress more.

12.30-1.30am moving on to the bench as time moves on.

1.30-2.00 am now time to look at your friends list. At this stage do not try and make eye contact with anyone too ugly, it could cost you a drink.

2.00am “the walk around dance” anyone will do for this but be aware and keep looking around for stragglers from your line up. (be discreet, always look over the shoulder).

After 2.00am “ The Takeaway” last chance salon here, but remember, only try with those who have already ordered food, meals can cost more than drinks.

Anytime after this then go for any old slapper.

as featured in TFH Fanzine, parts two and three to follow, sorry Bo, were only joking.