Score with Harriers (p3)

fanzine humour
By TFH
August 17 2003

Yes more from TFh Fanzine. This is the final part of Bo's scoring advise.For more info on TFH fanzine check out Jumpjet Krew link.

Yes, Bo’s back with more imaginary advise

SCORE WITH THE HARRIERS

N0 3: BEER GOGGLES

Hello there pupils, and welcome back to my column, where I offer advise on relations with the ladies. Firstly let me apologise for me missing TFH4. I was very busy you see, with the ladies, and football of course. Anyway, on to the advise.

We’ve all been there, late at night, loads of Carlsberg, bit of a touch on, mates left you, what are you to do ? Simple, you pull a moose, that’s what ! which is OK, no probs, guvnor, as you English geezers say. It goes well, back to your place, jiggery, pockery, Bo’s your uncle!

But then it’s the morning, and the moose wants breakfast, what do you do. Sometimes your lucky, and they go early, sensing the light will bring your obvious distaste in them. And of course sometimes, you will go to their place, which is always miles away from homes of course. Your still not out of the woods though. In a recent study I conducted, I found that in 3 out of 4 moose encounters, you will see the moose, minus your goggles, within a week. Even worse, you will be with your mates as well.

So friends, its time to wise up to the dangers of moose baiting, and as usual, Bo Boy has the answers. The easy answer is to avoid such situations but that can be difficult at times. For you never know when you will go for it. Even at the club, we’ve all done it. At our xmas party, a few of us nearly fell for Ian Foster, until he opened his mouth of course. Fortunately I realised that Lilly Savage has blond hair, like me. Check out my tips opposite.

Bo’s surefire tips for Beer Goggling avoidance

1. try and use her house and never your own.

2. if you do use your own place, make sure you live in a second floor flat. That way you can check for moose’s through you upstairs window before opening the door.

3. during the morning after, make sure the moose doesn’t feel at home. Make sure your fridge is empty and no food is available, if their hungry they’ll leave.

4. get a friend to ring you early in the morning after and then make an excuse to go out. If you cant get someone to do this, ring yourself with a mobile.

5. as I always advise you, never give your proper name. This is important if you’ve got a distinctive name like me. I use “Rene Peterson, or my English name, Bob Hendryson.

6. give the pub/club you met in at least one weeks quarantine.

7. if you do bump into the moose, pretend you don’t know her. This is where my ability to speak Danish comes in handy.

8. another trick when faced with the moose again is to hide. Practise your hiding technique in pubs, under tables, escape routes etc.

9. another trick is get a female friend to pretend to be your wife.

10. finally, you may at a moment of weakness, agree to go on a date. If this is unavoidable, ensure you use out of the way pubs. If they insist on using main pubs where you mates are, take evasive action. Tell the moose that your banned, if this fails then leg it.