Ole Sol for Rio

By European Football
October 7 2005

As the fat bloke in the cornetto adverts used to sing, but Manchester United and Arsenal are ready for a battle of sorts over which of their central defenders will line up in an England formation that the rest of the team have not got a clue about.

As Mr Burns (Eriksson) rubs his hands together and says excellent, and Smithers (McClaren) toadies about looking more and more like a golem with a weight problem, the nations press has become obsessed by the Rio or Sol question.

Why?

No I mean it why? Terry is a world class defender, Terry will be the man to marshal the defence and tell either of the other two what they are meant to be doing, or in Rio’s case, hopefully where he is meant to be, in case there are any outstanding doctors appointments that he has forgotten about.

The truth is though, England’s defence is not the problem, it’s the tactics, its where Beckham is playing, its why Gerrard and Lampard play like demi-gods for their clubs, but headless chickens for England.

Frankly C Montgomery Burns has become increasingly befuddled in recent times, and I am beginning to feel sorry for him standing on the sidelines painfully bored, looking at his watch every few seconds and thinking ‘I could be at home shagging someone now.’

But he hasn’t paid to get in, it’s the fans I really feel sorry for, and with all due respect to Northern Ireland but they are not the sort of team that should be causing England problems, let alone winning them.

No they are far more the sort of side that should not be taken seriously, the sort of side that you turn up to play in a vest and plimsolls, but they deserved their victory, and do you know why?

Its cause the England team don’t have a clue what the hell it is that Burns and Smithers want off them.

Tomorrow and Wednesday have taken on make or break status; I only hope Burnsy is up to it.