Spurs Miss Scarlet in the hotel with a led pipe

By European Football
May 8 2006

Spurs failed to get into the champions league yesterday and now the finger pointing will have to start. The rights and wrongs of forcing them to play with so many players short (as opposed to short players like Defoe for instance)

will no doubt be debated long and hard on the various spurs sites up and down the country.

Chas and Dave will not be bringing out a new single, which at the very least gives the rest of the world something to be happy about.

But what happened?

And will the police get involved (because frankly Sting is just a little weird now). Someone somewhere is responsible for a 10 million shortfall in potential income for Spurs and the club say it’s the hotel.

The hotel say, what us? Not us surely?

Arsenal are smiling, which probably won’t do a whole lot to appease the average Spurs fan, but will hopefully continue the silence from Chas and company.
But as the mother of all conspiracy theories is about to begin I would like to record my sequence of events for posterity.

First the Spurs team bus arrives at the hotel, accompanied by chirpy cockney music of the music hall variety, next seen sneaking into a nearby book suppository is a middle aged Frenchman.

But wait, who is that on the grassy knoll, it is none other than arch villain and all round nasty, Patrick Vieira, who inside sources are now claiming was sent to Italy only as part of an undercover operation codenamed, ‘lets make everyone paranoid.

Several men in black were also seen in the vicinity of a crashed spaceship (which possibly could have been a Renault, sources were slightly intoxicated.) reportedly piloted by yet more Frenchmen.

So all in all it seems obvious, Spurs were poisoned, as an opening move by the French to seek revenge upon Chas and Dave for the participation, in writing the theme music for the battle of Agincourt.

Spurs are in the Uefa cup, and I would be willing to bet that the average Spurs fan would have been delighted by that at the beginning of the season, and all jokes aside food poisoning could not have come at a worse time, but that is life unfortunately, it has a habit of being bloody minded.

Now be careful out there, and trust no-one, especially the French.