Burnley 0-0 Luton Town - The Bag and the Tray

Burnley 0-0 Luton Town
The Bag and the Tray

By Kev Robinson 

The sun was shining as I climbed out of the car for yesterday’s six-pointer against Luton.  With two weeks without a game I was really looking forward to watching the Clarets again, I had been told just how poor Luton are by a Leeds supporting friend all week and had a strange feeling that this would be the day we ended our win-less run.

Steve Cotterill - under pressure

Two new signings took the field, Graham Coughlan lined up alongside Caldwell in the centre of defence, and Pauline McVeigh took the right midfield spot.  But what about Wade Elliott, I hear you cry.  Well, when I tell you that he has only scored a quarter of our goals in the last ten games- a statistic that I am sure you will find completely unacceptable- Cotterill’s decision to drop him seems spot on.

As the game begun it soon became clear that my pre-game enthusiasm and anticipation of being entertained would not be disappointed.  In a dramatic move that had the ground on their feet and the ‘total football’ lovers licking their lips, a Kwik-Save bag was lifted from the ground by the wind and swept onto the pitch.  As Steve INIITGAA* Jones ran into a Luton defender for the umpteenth time, the bag found space on the left and elegantly skipped around the men in orange.

*INIITGAA = I'm Not Interested In This Game At All

As the first half came to an end, the Burnley fans were amazed by the pure ability the bag had shown in the opening to the game and could not wait for the second period to begin to marvel in it’s performance.

If we thought the first half was entertaining, it was nothing compared to the second.  The bag, which had stayed out on the field at half time to perfect it’s dribbling skills, continued to wow the fans, but it was rivalled by a pigeon gliding up down the field.  It was certainly a sight to behold, with the summer sun hitting it’s wings, moving in perfect co-ordination with each other.  Kevin Blackwell must have wondered what had hit him and his new team- they just couldn’t catch the bag and the pigeon- they were running riot down the wings.

Certain members of the Burnley team, however, were not performing at an acceptable standard, but Cotterill obviously had words, telling them to follow the pigeons example.  For half way through the second half an empty chip tray appeared from nowhere and dropped down like nothing you have ever seen before in your life.  From straight drop, to spinning glide- you name it, this tray did it.

By this point press from around the world had arrived at the ground after being informed of the action taking place, and they arrived in time to catch the aforementioned pigeon joining a group of other pigeons in sunbathing on the grass.  The excitement was too much for some fans to take, as they left early- those with weak hearts can only take so much entertainment in a day.

Unfortunately the scene was somewhat spoilt by several pieces of claret and blue rubbish scattered about the pitch- somebody had obviously knocked over a bin or something- but yesterday was a day for positives and it was the day we finally saw total football return to Turf Moor.  Okay, so we didn’t get the win and we are heading close and closer to relegation but who needs Championship football anyway when you have plastic bags, empty chip trays and pigeons to entertain you for 90 minutes?

Bring on Plymouth.