In Search Of Disappearing Pie & Mash

A pal I was with had one in the town as a snack for lunch, and then two outside the ground from a pastymobile.  He still talks about it. We still talk about him. Anybody who can eat three giant pasties in the space of an hour is seriously unusual. Some people can eat all day and never put an ounce on. He is one of them. My wife hates him.

     I love these trips and always check the itinerary to make sure it says “Full Breakfast.” Yep there it was for Saturday and Sunday morning. I sent off the cheque immediately. What is it about a big hotel breakfast? I guess it’s the plate-piled-high temptation; shall I have two eggs or one, scrambled or fried, (I like scrambled and put a big dollop on top of two slices of toast, buttered of course), then around the eggs and toast I pile up all the rest. But there are more decisions; how many rashers of bacon, two sausages or three, and a big helping of fried tomatoes. Oh, and the toast; toast for the scrambled eggs, and then toast with marmalade and a big pot of coffee. Mrs T always wants me to start with a bowl of fruit. Fruit is supposed to be good for you. Well, I’m 65 and usually avoid the stuff and seem to be OK without it. Tomato juice is the nearest I get, or fruit cake, or grapes – but with grapes I need cheese – and biscuits – and butter of course packed with delicious cholesterol.
 
     Conversation on the coach, Joyce and Stefan brewing up, centred on how well we were doing so far but that at least a point was needed at West Ham. It moved to the Irish lads we have signed and was Billy Bingham involved in them. Difficult we thought, as he lives in Southport. Next question – should we sign Nugent permanently? Opinions were evenly divided between those who said he hadn’t done enough, to those who said: well how can he if he only comes off the bench for 20 minutes a game. And anyway in those cameo performances, hasn’t he done enough with his impact to warrant being signed. On top of that was the argument that IF we stay up then we need a squad where players of his calibre are there on the bench to come on when needed. But then of course the big question – how on earth could we sign a player on £25k a week – allegedly? We talked about Brendan Flood and his book and his prospects for a business recovery – not rosy we surmised – unless his bouncebackability levels are way above average. We talked about Jimmy Mac and who a testimonial game might be against at the end of the season. If it is a BIG club the costs of staging it use up all the money made. If it is against a small club, and there is a smaller attendance, there is paradoxically a better chance of a decent profit; why not a Northern Ireland club, Glentoran, seemed to be the consensus. And the topic of ground improvements cropped up. Stay up and the plans might be brought out of mothballs. New dressing rooms will certainly have to be built said the Premier League. The days of everyone piling in one big communal bath and fumbling for the soap are over. Premier players need individual baths, Premier mirrors, expensive hair shampoo, and hair dryers, oh and a safe for all that bling they wear. But gold taps are probably a “no” we decided, not something we could envisage Chairman Barry allowing. Our new dressing rooms could be the Ryanair of the football world. Why not? In the away dressing rooms count seats and hooks as optional – if the buggers want them, let ‘em pay extra.

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