Keane copycat wristband fever hits Premiership.

By Fashion Correspondent
March 30 2005

Roy Keane believes the problem of diving could be publicised with the introduction of anti-diving wristbands. Before the game at Arsenal he noticed a load of old bollix going on about anti-racism and anti-bullying in the tunnel.

 Indeed he and Gary were shocked to be handed anti racism wristbands. What’s all that about? There is no problem with racism in the Premiership; but it got me thinking about the real problem, diving by Arsenal players, now that is a real problem. After I saw Ashley Cole dive I thought it would be a good idea to wear wristbands for anti-diving. "It’s not just foreign players, it’s crept into the Premiership and seems to be getting worse".

Indeed, responded the Arsenal Times reporter, I am sure Rooney would benefit from such a campaign. "Are you taking the piss? Now feck off that’s all you are going to hear about my campaign from me you prawn sandwich eating southern softie". "But I cant stand mayonnaise, the reporter replied, "no more of your bollix, that’s the interview over, and piss off".

Meanwhile Alfie Haaland has announced an anti "take that you kunt wristband" as he believes a stand should be taken against footballers who carry out career threatening tackles, and then stand over the victim shouting "take that you kunt".

However Mick Macarthy believes that there is a greater need for an anti walking out of world cup squads a few days before tournament wristband. When Arsenal Times asked Roy if he thought Macarthy was taking a pop at him, he replied he could stick it up his bollix, the foreign wanker was a crap manager anyway.

Paul Merson is advocating a no foreigners please we are British wristband. When our reporter pointed out that this could contradict the anti-racism campaign he replied you are a disgrace, just like that  Arsene Wenger,  this interview is over.

Arsene Wenger would like to see a I dont look at passports wristband. When our reporter asked if that was what happened with Silvinho, he replied you have been talking to that disgrace Paul Merson, clear off this interview is over.

Meanwhile Gary Neville rejected all this wearing designer wristband nonsense,

"The FA and the England team have always campaigned against racism very well, we have just got to be aware that it is not cheapened slightly by companies like Nike getting a lot of PR out of it for nothing."

But the Arsenal Times reporter pointed out that Nike have a 300 million pound, 10-year sponsorship and merchandising deal with United, "Are you taking the piss?" Now clear off this interview is over.