Kimberley Relieved – Arsenal 2 Magpies 0

Captain
By Boris Mellor
September 3 2005

Oh the agony of being a supporter on holiday. I hate missing matches but you have to rest sometime. I missed the Community Shield game because I was in the Kalahari Desert, and there just aren’t any pubs in the frontier park.

Fortunately base camp was just in range of mobile reception – the last place to be so – so I heard the result by phone. I was glad we played well, and not bothered we lost. My view is the thing is a jinx, get rid of it.

 

So it was with high spirits that I left the Kalahari and headed across the Karoo desert for Kimberley. Surely the town of Kimberley, home to the De Beers Corporation, and diamonds, would have the match on TV. And when my host booked me into the Kimberley Club, favourite haunt of diamond millionaires, and possibly an Arsenal Director or two, my hope soared even higher.

 

Sure enough the room had a TV with three sports channels; and the local paper said the match was on Super Sport 3, and, wow, I had SS3. So Sunday morning I went to visit the biggest hole in the world dug by hand, probably not true, but it was big all right. The new stadium would comfortably vanish into it, perish the thought. Lunch and back to the Club for the big event.

 

Pre match tension had already kicked in, and it seemed for ever until the appointed time, but when it came it was Zimbabwe v  Zambia. I couldn’t believe it. Desperately I rang a friend to provide text service, but she was out of range. Other mates were at the match and unobtainable. In desperation I contacted the Arsenal Text Service. Have I said before what rubbish this service is? By the way I must remember to cancel it – it cost me a fortune during the invincible run (I couldn’t cancel as it might be bad luck- the only bad luck was the bill, as the Gunners scored loads of goals).

 

Anyhow the minutes ticked by and no news of progress, watching TV was not an option, so I got a lift down to the McGregor Museum to while away the time waiting for news. Well as I wandered through the exhibits of the siege of Kimberley by the Boers I finally got the first SMS from Arsenal Text. It was half-time, and Newcastle were down to ten men. I groaned out loud (no problem the place was deserted), for although we are great playing with 10 men, we are not so hot playing against 10. I could imagine it, 10 Magpies all crowded in the penalty area blocking our last ball.

 

Then a text arrived, my friend had got home late but was now on the case, it was still 0-0. How long? I messaged back. Seventy minutes came the reply – seventy minutes!! It’s the second half. Sorry twenty – but still 0-0. I was now pacing up and down like a father to be outside a maternity ward. Twenty minutes – could we break the siege? Text arriving breaks the silence of the museum. “Hang on it’s a penalty” – hang on? I am not going anywhere – the wait seems forever. I browse the exhibits of the relief of Kimberley. “Henry has scored”. Phew it’s my turn to be relieved, several minutes later the Arsenal SMS arrives to confirm the details more fully.

 

A few more minutes, another SMS, dare I open it - have the Toon equalized? No it’s a brilliant goal by RvP. When I finally catch the second half on SS3 at midnight it seems that brilliant hardly does justice to the RvP goal.

 

 We need a bigger ground. My blood pressure can't take much more of this.