The Director of Football is dead, again.

By Ravi Saxena
September 2 2022

Oh no! We have lost James Vaughan as our Director of Football. Poached, or possibly stolen, by the blue noses across the water. What scoundrels they are! Apparently he has been offered a job in charge of loans, which sounds to me like a sort of library assistant role?

Somebody once said to me that you can judge how important a role is by the number of words in the job title. Chief Operating Officer (Europe), for example, isn't that big a deal. The shortest job title is God. We all know what that means, even if we don't believe in it. Similarly, ' President' is a single word, Same for King or Queen. You don't need anymore words to describe what they do, most people get it. There are, of course joke jobs. 'Secretary of State for Levelling Up' sounds like a fancy name given to a new gardener. Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancaster is totally meaningless, if anyone can explain what the role involves, in one sentence, they're a better person than me. Places like the BBC specialise in very long job titles, so you get things like 'Director of non-audience programme production', and doubtless people nod sagely we they are introduced to this post holder and spend the rest of the time trying to work out what they do. By comparison, Director of Football, seems a total doddle. Dead easy to understand, or is it?

There are various views on what Mr Vaughan did. He was in charge of new player acquisitions, apparently. Nobody can work out how the role worked in practice, but this summer our squad building was quite impressive, in parts. We had people like Jordan Turnbull arrive who is making an instant impact. We also signed Hockenhall, but nobody quite knows how good he is because he's not worth risking. The extent to which our Director of Football (DOF) was involved in deadline day deals is intriguing. Did he negotiate with Liverpool over Glatzell's loan, only to get a call half way through negotiations and head for the door? Was he locked into an intense and heated exchange with Southampton only to pack his bags and leave Audrey to conclude negotiations (Yes to free coach travel, no to soup in the dressing room)?

in the old days there was something called a Scout. They, sometimes there was a team of them, would go out and watch players from The Avenue and Corsair and recommend them for a trial at the club. Nowadays, of course, it's much more scientific. People have access to loads of performance data and can look up players on the Optica index, can work out if they have a weaker left foot than 40% of players at the same level, and not have to go and stand in the rain at the Oval, but look at a computer screen and videos before making the decision that any particular player is the bargain of the century. The science is so advance that it is now impossible to sign a donkey, every player is an elite athlete. We haven't signed any mules or donkeys for ages, have we?

The odd thing about the DOF role is that it's not clear whether said DOF arrives at Micky's Office and says 'here you go Mr Mellon, this guys a left back. Don't feed him after midnight and don't get him wet and you'll be fine'. Or is it that Mr Mellon marches. Into DOF's office and gives a list of requirements. 'Right, he mustn't be able to take throws, must be injury prone, one paced and inexperienced, can you find me that player son?' It is a mystery that is locked in an enigma.

For my part I shall miss the constant hand shaking that used to take place with Mr Vaughan before a match. Mr Palios would spend a good five minutes chatting to him, and Vaughny himself would spend a great deal of time high fiving players not in the match day squad. Beyond that, who knows. Everton though have got their man. Scoundrels eh?

The Director of Football is dead, again.

Posted by: Total Tranmere (IP Logged)

Date: 02/09/2022 17:31

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