Penguin Jack's Flashback's- Highbury April 2001

By Penguin Jack
December 30 2004

Hello. Jackie Von Penguin here to entertain you in ways of shaven flightless bird pleasure! Oh, and Happy New Year to you all. And this week I will be looking at a very strange encounter the Boro had at Highbury in April 2001.

To set the scene, it was the season in whatever Bryan Robson had been trying to do failed and he lost the plot so badly that he had to get El Tel in to sort his shit out.

And furthermore we were always crap at Highbury- never got anything there at all!

Well how wrong we were. We even gave Man U the title!

So it was Easter 2001 and I was serving my country with distinction. Well actually, I was tossing it off based at Whitehall on a well cushey two month posting at the MOD and I was banging two Army birds at the same time. Not literally of course though I did mention it to them both individually and got knocked back. It would have been class as well...

Anyway I was looking forward to this trip to The Gunners. Meeting a few of the lads and getting hammered big time. It was Easter weekend and I was on duty for all of the previous week and was fucked by Saturday morning. So at 8am I made my way to my fancy Government apartment to shower, change and went straight back out to meet the lads at a place called Crouch End in North London, which is about three miles from Arsenal.

Now I was very tired and I am not the sharpest knife in the draw at the best of times. When I am so tired, I can't think straight and I caught the Piccadilly Line tube, which was supposed to take me all the way to North London. But I fell asleep as soon as my arse hit the seat and I woke up at Cockfosters. The last stop!

I thought this ain't gonna be my day as I waited for the train to take me back. It did and I met the lads an hour and a half later than our arranged time, just as they where setting off to the ground.

And I was quickly accused of being a puff and not wanting to drink because I couldn’t handle it and so forth...

So wanting to redress the balance and get into the half pissed state they where in already, I went and bought four cans of Stella, a half bottle of Jack Daniels and a litre of coke to mix it from a dodgy off licence!

'I will show them who can drink' was my train of thought as we made our way to the home of Arsenal, in hope more than expectation. As I mentioned earlier, we normally get stuffed by Arsenal anyway...

The booze took effect as we and the rest of the Boro fans in the tiny away end found ourselves in fine voice.



The game was weird- we won 3-0 and gave Man Utd the league title! It was almost as if certain Arsenal players wanted to lose particularly Silvinho, who scored two own goals and Edu, who both passed to Boro players at every opportunity.

Then Big Hamilton Ricard, whom I always thought was OK as a Boro player went and finished off a superb Boro move with a clinical finish!

It was all to much for my mate Jason who had been complaining of a dodgy stomach all day on account of an Indian the night before and as the third goal went in he lost control, followed through and then dashed off to the bogs, walking like Charlie Chaplin never to be seen again that day.

We won an unbelievable game. We were in shock and so were the Gooners. Yhey had lost the title on their own ground to Boro.

How we laughed and a night on the town was in order to celebrate the most amazing Boro away win I have seen.

So the four of us made our way to The Sports Bar off Trafalgar square to watch the late kick off game on Sky.

The drinks were really flowing and I was in fine form as I chatted up an Aussie bird. I think I impressed her with my offer of showing her round the delights of Covent Garden. At least that’s what I think I said to her... but my charms, for once, failed and we made our way to Covent Garden and the Punch and Judy pub.

Now this place was packed and many Arsenal fans were in the pub. It wasn’t long before me and my friends became involved in a heated discussion with a group of Arsenal fans which caused the door staff to come over. Then things got really interesting as two big Aussie guys grabbed me and one of them asked “who the fuck did I think I was chatting up his wife and asking if she wanted a no strings quickie?”

Well it took all my Boro charm and wit to escape this one but I did, relatively unscathed unlike one of my mates who took a whack from a Bouncer after questioning his mother’s sexual behaviour.

Anyway the night was young but even so, we were still smashed as we made our way to a Chinese restaurant in Chinatown and into yet more trouble. After a very nice Chinese, we discovered we were about £20 short on the bill and Mike's debit card had just been refused. Scott had to dash off to the cash point, just as it looked as if the fucking Triads had turned up to sort us out.

Someone - probably me - suggested we go to a casino, which we did. I lost all my money and tried many times to pull an older rich lady. Eventually, she got fed up of the pissed Northerner routine and asked the manager to throw me out.

Anyway it was an eventful day and night indeed.

And Scott had more reason to be happy. He won a fortune after I left the casino and he pulled as well. Never mind. We won and I was back to work the next day!

Have fun
Jack
Up the Boro!!!

Another flashback from Jack coming your way next Thursday.