This Week's "Bloody Rubbish!" Column

By Harry Haverton
January 16 2005

There's not a great deal of comment to be made on this weekend's tabloid newspapers but I do think that Monday morning's back pages will be full of a load of "Bloody Rubbish!"about the scrap in The North Stand goalmouth this afternoon.

                But more on that in a moment. There was one interesting comment
                in Saturday's Mirror though and it was by new Liverpool signing
                Fernando Morientes.

               

                Speaking through an interpreter, Morientes explained that he knows
                just how important Steven Gerrard is to the club, and he said;

               

                "I am going to learn English as quickly as possible, so
                that I can say to Steven Gerrard in his own language that he must
                stay."

               

                What a "Bloody Rubbish!" way of doing things. The man
                has an interpreter with him, so I would have thought that he would
                have just used him to get a simple three word message across. But back to the scrap.

               

                The Monday papers will probably try to dramatise it as it will
                certainly be the big news of tomorrow after the "Bloody Rubbish!"
                spectacle between West Brom and Fulham this afternoon. It looks
                like Robbo is sunk at West Brom and that he'll take them down
                in his first season in charge. What a load of "Bloody Rubbish!"
                But I digress.

               

                The scrap this afternoon was good and our lads pasted them Scousers.
                They're "Bloody Rubbish!" at scrapping that lot, as
                proven by the comprehensive battering that our boys gave them.

               

                What happened was that Tim Cahill and Jimmy Haggelbank had been
                having a bit of a shoving match for a few minutes and when the
                ball came in, the Everton players went in for it hard. So did
                we and when that load of Scottish "Bloody Rubbish!"
                Ferguson trampled all over Skippy, Bolo did the right thing and
                twatted the lanky haggis.

               

                It was a "Bloody Rubbish!" punch though because the
                Jock headbanger didn't even stagger backwards. Bolo never got
                the chance for a follow up because the goalmouth was instantly
                crowded by a sixteen man scrap.

               

                The Boro lads showed great team spirit because they all piled
                in when the scrap broke out. Even Doriva threw a punch and he's
                been playing "Bloody Rubbish!" lately. Mind you, it
                missed, come to think of it.

               

                They were all back to protect our fallen keeper, Skippy and I
                think that's great team spirit, considering that he may not be
                with us for much longer. He'd be better off staying at the Boro
                though because he'll not have a good time at Old Trafford. "Bloody
                Rubbish!" place for a goalkeeper to go that is. Look at what
                happened to Peter Schmeichel. Ended up on that "Bloody Rubbish!"
                Match of the Day with Alan Hansen.

               

                But back to the scrap. It was great to see Franck Queudrue throwing
                a punch without getting red carded. Franck was on the outskirts
                whilst the fight was in full swing but he did connect with one
                mighty left hook and would probably have taken out the whole of
                the Everton team, and all the supporters as well, single handedly,
                if the ref hadn't stopped the fight in the first minute. "Bloody
                Rubbish!" decision that was ref. It was the best entertainment
                we'd had all day.

               

                Because the match was "Bloody Rubbish!" really. We're
                not really that good at the moment and I'm disappointed that there
                has been no transfer activity during the two weeks that the trasnfer
                window has been open.

               

                I would like to see, at the very least, three players pack their
                bags and ship out of town. First of all, Doriva. Sorry son, but
                you are "Bloody Rubbish!" Can't tackle, can't pass and
                can't get in the right position. Sign Luis Figo, McClaren. He's
                our solution. Doriva tries hard but he's just not good enough.

               

                Joseph Desire Job, who was absolute "Bloody Rubbish!"
                today. Strikers are supposed to be in goalscoring positions and
                ready for goalscoring opportunities to come their way. Viduka
                would have had a hat trick today but instead, we have to put up
                with "Bloody Rubbish!" from the reserve side. Come in
                number sixteen, your time's up.

               

                The Lizard is in the Autumn of his Boro career now. Shame that
                the Spring and Summer were "Bloody Rubbish!" as well.
                Apart from one good spell on the right wing earlier this season,
                The Lizard has been looking all season like he's not sure what
                his best position is, as he's played "Bloody Rubbish!"
                in all of them.

               

                But we got a point and we are still on course for Europe next
                year, with a lot of key players still to return. But we'll have
                to put in some better performances than the one today, otherwise
                mid table mediocrity courtesy of some "Bloody Rubbish!"
                performances beckons...