Lawrence Fulwell 10 -11-05

By Lawrence Fulwell
November 10 2005

Now then lads. Yer alreet are yer? Well I’m back again with my whole world of football wit and wisdom. Mind you I don’t come cheap me like, but don’t tell the social. Them buggers been on me case again about getting a job of all things!

I mean this internet is not gonna surf itself is it? Wor lass is also giving a some stick about the amount of time I spend watching football. See says “you love bloody Sunderland more than you love me” so I tell her I love bloody Newcastle more than I love her.

Anyway back to the footie like. Well it looks like it is gonna be a long hard fight for the Sunderland this season. We seem to have gone backwards after some tremendous performances.

I meself am not worried like. I know deep in me boots that we can turn it around and bring ourselves back on track like a Russian shot putter. But it needs a spark from somewhere. I fancy Big Mick to use all his experience of former glories to get the lads aroused and not have them all hanging limp like they looked against Arsenal. Mind you we weren't the first team to get stuck going up the Arsenal and we won't be the last but I think we could have pushed on a bit more and could have gave them something to chew over.

The toon continued their winning streak. I have no idea how they managed to beat Brum. Its not unusual to see me wanting a team to beat the toon but they could have had Tom Jones singing that bloody song and it still would not make a difference to me. Newcastle were lucky and as soon as they realise it the better for all concerned.

Now them poor deluded fans they have up there on Tyneside think they are top six material. Well some of the toon's defending is that x-rated that it should be top shelf material, like them filthy magazines he sells round the corner in the newsagent with his shaven ravers and bored leather housewive's. Not that I have been looking mind.

Now then what the hell is going on up the Riverside? It really is a case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Bonnie and Clyde. How can yer go and beat Man U 4-1 and dance all over em like big George and his ferrets and then go and lose to Everton who have had as much luck as a kamikaze pilot who has run out of petrol?

I just don’t understand any of it meself. I think there is something going on in the motivation department at the Boro. Your boss needs to get hold of them lads and give a good seeing to. I mean if they can get it up for the big boys but can't get it up for the easy ones then there is something that needs a good long hard looking at from all positions.

So onto to Hartlepool. Well I was as pleased as a Jawdee with an O level when I saw that pools had got through to the second round of the FA Cup. I would like nothing better for us to get them if they get through to the third round. I will never forget the last time we rubbed against each other in the FA Cup the other year.

I met some very nice young blond Hartlepool fans whose company I enjoyed and I still give them a ring from time to time and have a get together to see how it is hanging with each other.

Darlo had a tough encounter away at Barnsley so I was not all that shocked to see Barnsley roll em over and slip one past em for an easy 1-0. Still what I was shocked to see was yer old mate Phil Stamp in a Darlo Shirt. So yet another Boro old boy finds his way to Darlo eh? I just hope he leaves the pies and beer alone.

So what else has been going on this week? Well I got invited to a late Halloween bash up at the social club for charity like. So I asked wor lass what can I wear like. So being the smart girl she is, she gets us a devil costume from the fancy dress place. So when I get ready I look a right picture, all scary and that. So I goes off to the club like and I have a right good night dressed all satanic and that.

Anyway on the way home I just fancy a kebab like. So I nip in the old donner house and order one. While I am waiting I nip in the alley round the back for a quick slash as I’ve been on the ale like. So here I am having a slash in the dark when this young couple come down the alley and start shagging right in front of me as I stood in the shadows dressed as the devil. I couldn’t believe it lads, honest I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

So the bird looks up and screams 'there’s something there'. The guy stops and comes over to me so I shout 'boo', jump out of the shadows and leg it as fast as I can. It was in the paper the next night that the police are looking for a nutter who thinks he is the devil himself and is prowling round Sunderland late at night watching courting couples. And I never did get me kebab either.

So anyway back to the football. There are no major games this week due to England playing again. Is it me or is this about as well timed as letting one rip while wor lass is performing a bit of oral pleasure? I mean you just have to look at That Big Jon Terry and his ripping muscles and nice tan to see he is in fine physical shape and there is no need for that daft sod sven to break up the season just as we are getting into our stroke.

I just don’t go for this friendly game myself but still I would like to see us stick one over the Argentina like after the hand of God and that Falklands war.

I will never forget that day wor young 'un woke us up shouting "Dad- Argentina have invaded the Falkland Islands.' I shat meself I tell yer. I jumped outa bed and got wor lass under the stairs in case of an air raid. Then the daft sod teld us that the Falkland Islands are about 5000 miles away and not off the coast of Scotland as I thought.

Should be a decent game though but I gotta say we don’t play well in friendly games. So my prediction for the game is Argentina 2 England 1.

So the only league action this week is at lhe lower end of the scale. Hartlepool have a home game against Brentford and I think the Pools will carry on the good run of form they have ran into. They are looking good and I see a home victory on the horizontal. So it's Pools 3 Brentford 1.

Darlo have a hone game against Wycombe Wanderers. Now this is gonna be as tight as wor mother in law with the branston on them chesse n pickle sandwiches. Darlo need to really go for this one. No messing about, take the sheep by the horns and go for broke. It's a hard one to call ut I go for Darlo 1 Wanderers 1.

Anyway that’s me for this week. I am going take this fancy dress devil outfit back. I just hope the police are not staking out the hire shop waiting for me.

Up the Sunderland
Big Lawry