Huddersfield Town Preview

Can't Wait
By Alan the Rant
January 28 2005

As SportNetwork admin appears to have disappeared off the face of the earth, coupled with the fact i have nowt better to do, i've decided to take a look at what Huddersfield Town is all about. For those of you that like serious discussion, don't bother reading.

Way back in October (when we were going to get promoted as Champions – remember those days) the Saddlers journeyed North up the M6 to Huddersfield seeking their first away victory since 1804. Huddersfield is in the excitingly named district of Kirklees for those of you remotely interested and, rather bizarrely, is not what you would expect from a backward Northern town.

However, the terms “Huddersfield” and “normal” should only be used when drawing a comparison with their Lancastrian friends from across the pennines. The whole of western civilisation should never forget the fact that it was these people who were responsible for giving us the televisual delights of Compo and Clegg. Although not technically Huddersfield, Holmfirth is close enough in my book.

Admittedly, I have “a thing” about rough northern birds (Chastity Dingle is a babe) but I simply cannot get going over Nora Batty. Even after several cans of extra strong Tennents Super there is something missing. She does not have that certain erotica. For this reason alone Huddersfield should be burnt to the ground.

The people around these parts have a massive inferiority complex. A conversation with any of the locals will be punctuated with a vociferous and indignant cry of “We do have gas and electricity you know”. Eh? I was talking about our inability to defend at set pieces. As if to prove a point about their boast of basic utilities supply, they then proceed to incinerate the pies made available to visiting fans. Maybe by our next visit they will have learned how to use their bloody gas.

However, due to their inability to cook we were able to discover a major design fault with the otherwise impressive McAlpine (Galpharm – obviously money talks North of Burton as well) Stadium. In order to rid the horrid taste of charcoal from the pallet it was necessary to quaff a lager. Not normally a problem. However, when you are trying to sup a pint of detergent when it is minus 5 and you are drenched to the skin by raindrops the size of golf balls the beauty of Huddersfield’s pride and joy disappears rather rapidly.

What is the point of having such an impressive stadium only to locate the food and drink outlets out in the open? Huddersfield does not in any way (even by the biggest stretch of the imagination) bear resemblance to the South coast of Spain. Either the chief design engineer had a great sense of humour or he was a complete wanker. I will go for the latter.

Anyhow, back to the future. After our dismal display up North the Terriers are due to arrive at our very own silent graveyard this weekend. You know where I mean, the place where home fans have to queue up for tickets for the Slate Osborn Show.

After our humiliating thrashing at the hands of the mighty Colchester, yet another Merson resignation and morale at rock bottom the signs are not good. However, with the odds stacked against us and Merson determined to save his career I wouldn’t be too surprised if we had a convincing victory.

Mister Happy’s prediction

Saddlers 1 Huddersfield 5.