Laugh at Wrexham

By Mister Happy
February 3 2005

Wrexham is about as pointless as its football club. A light hearted look a our friends from across the border.

Wrexham AFC.

Wrexham is pointless. I am not referring to Wrexham AFC but Wrexham itself. Why does it exist? Does anyone really care about this rat infested hell hole on the English/Welsh border. This place is so insignificant that it has been ignored for its entire existence.

It has offered nothing to the history books and has contributed nothing to the prosperity of Great Britain. Even the Romans agreed that Wrexham was so naff they set up camp on the English side of the border at nearby Chester.

The locals are an inbred backward type. The people are a touch retarded in the same sense that Baghdad is considered to be a touch dangerous. They are hated by the Welsh because they are considered too English and are hated by the English because they are irritating. No one with any sanity would ever consider moving to Wrexham. As a result there has been no expansion to the human development in this area since the year dot creating a psychotic hatred of anything other than themselves

As if trying to find an identity they decided to try and become an integral part of Wales by erecting stupid bloody road signs that no-one is able to comprehend. Even the Highways Agency try not to encourage visitors to Wrexham. If you light up a ciggy in your car or blink on your approach then you are well and truly up the creek as you will miss the un-signposted tractor track that takes you to this “town”.

As a distant smog from the Birkenhead docks gradually comes into view it finally dawns on travelling parties that they have missed this insignificant hole. Indeed, a sign welcoming them back to England confirms their suspicions. This is where the Highways Agency has played a blinder. Whilst driving through delightful Shropshire you get mightily pissed off that there is a roundabout every 500 yards hindering your progress. Not here though. Ho bloody Ho.

In order to discourage outside visitors no U turn facilities are provided. Therefore, if you are in such a mental state that you are determined to get to Wrexham you must carry onto the outskirts of Manchester in order to turn round and try again.

Once there, there is absolutely nothing to inspire. Certainly not the Racecourse Ground although the large terrace home Kop has you dreaming of times gone by.

Looking back, in October a grand total of 678 saddlers fans managed to find their way to the Racecourse (there are another 2438 still trying to find it!). As if to reflect their surroundings Wrexham were pretty crap but still managed to take the lead courtesy of our sleepy defence – does that sound familiar. Fortunately Saddlers managed to leave with a point after a dazzling second half display and gave the woodwork a damn good thrashing in the process. If only we could play like that for 90 minutes we would be challenging for a European spot in a few years time.

Mister Happy’s prediction:

Walsall 3 Wrexham 0