The Founding Of St James
By Dave Eadevic
August 2 2010
It is not everyday, that one as humble as my good self gets to hob and indeed nob with the upper class, so when Lord Fufu of Haw Haw invited me around to his palatial bedsit for a talk on the genesis of St. Jimmy's park, I simply had to break out the moleskin suit and half inch a straw boater and get to it.
There I was at the door, shaking the last of the water out of the boater, when the man himself opened the door, cuffing a rather truculent butler as he passed by.
Fufu is a tall man with the build of a Greek god (not sure which one, but a small and skinny one), he paused the light catching him in profile. Shaking himself free from the light he uttered.
"Enter dear boy and try and not be too awed."
Shaking off the awed, I did indeed enter behind the man himself, pausing only to look at the slippers he conquered Everest in, I took my seat (ignoring calls from the butler about stealing seats) and listened to the tale of St. James' park.
‘In the beginning, there was the word and the word was howay man. All was happy the lord god did make life grand. Adam had for the price of only one rib, pulled a bit of a cracker and they lived in an entirely mackem free paradise.
One day though a snake in the grass arrived, and Ashley, for thus was its name, did quoth to Eve, that this place could do with decorating, and Eve in the way of womankind, did go forth and nag Adam, till he got his finger out.
Now unknown to Adam at the time, but the evil Ashley, did have a plan to create chaos where all had been light, and did introduce red and white into the world.
God seeing this aberration and being the good Geordie he is, took two steps back and decided to cast the proto mackem into the gates of hell, and thus created Sunderland for all the evil people to be sent to for all eternity.
Adam tried to reason with God saying ‘howay man, I'm sorry I was drunk and wor lass made me'.
But God knew that red and white should have no place in his beautiful creation
So he cast out Adam from paradise, and left only a slither of it in this world, so that man can aspire to return to the Promised Land.
Getting his favorite angel Jimmy, to guard it for eternity and allowing the faithful to worship every other week on a Saturday, sky willing.
And thus St James was born'.
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