Kidnapping capers at the Shay!

By Cuth
April 9 2002

As if the club don't have enough problems. First relegation, then the Tax Man, and now todays disgraceful act of a ransom demand. Things just never seem to go right.

Tony Kniveton got a shock when he opened up the Shay Stadium this morning. He did his usual routine of opening the office, admiring his mug in the mirror and then walking out onto the pitch to check everything was fine.

He soon realised that something was wrong when he fell over in the penalty area. After appealing for a decision and realising there was nobody else there he picked himself up and realised the exact reason he had fallen over.

Shock Horror!!!

Somebody had stolen the penalty spot.

Overnight, somebody or maybe even a gang had broken into the ground via the 5-a-side pitch and taken the poor and innocent penalty spot from the South Stand End.

So what Kniveton had actually fallen into was a hole left by the kidnapping of the penalty spot. All that was in its place was a plastic bag which contained a note which read:

"We have taken your penalty spot but will return once a ransom amount has been discussed. The spot is in good health and we are treating it well with plenty of water and daylight, but we will get nasty if we don't come up with an agreement."

This is football violence of the worst kind and we at Shaymen.org find this disgraceful.

We caught up with a club official who gave us this comment:

"Poor Tony was only doing his usual routine but ended up with mucky hands and knees, dirty shoes and a couple of broken finger nails. Obviously the Chairman is distraught but he has promised not to cave in to any of the kidnappers demands."

As everyone knows, the club is in trouble money wise as it is. They cannot be paying money out for ransom demands. If anybody has any news about the spot then could they please let the club know as soon as possible.