The Fungus Files - Part 1

By Albatross
September 24 2002

Cue the music! Welcome to The Fungus Files, where we look at how Pools players might look with a few additions... Are you ready to join the campaign?

Welcome to the first episode of what might turn out to be either a long-running series or the shortest feature on record - The Fungus Files!

The Fungus in question is of course of the Facial variety. A quick flick through any old team photos will reveal that in the past we've had a number of players who have worn Moustaches and/or beards with style. Looking at the current squad, there seems to be a bit of a lack in the old Fungus department. Yes, I know that Widds has from time to time sported a goatee type thing, but - sorry Tommy - it can't hold a candle to the luxuriant growths displayed by some past Poolies.

Facial Hair seems to have dropped out of fashion recently, but there's plenty to be said for it on the Football Pitch, even now. It can add that hard-man aura to a player, lend character to a face, make a key player more easily identifiable, or in extreme cases hide the mug of a particularly ugly player. I know we don't necessarily have any in that last category at Pools at the moment (crawl crawl), but Facial Fungus is something that somehow fits with Hartlepool; it doesn't seem right to have a team as lacking in 'Taches as the current squad.

To this end, I propose that we organise a campaign to encourage one player to abandon his razor and grow a 'Tache. We can do this democratically, a future poll on this Website will list candidates and the winner of that vote will be asked to grow his whiskers in accordance with the will of the fans.

Nominations can be left on our Message Board, so get thinking about who YOU would like to see with facial fungus and let us know! If you have a suitable picture, so much the better.

Let's get started though by introducing our first candidate. It's Pools' popular midfielder Mark Tinkler.

Notice how the "Slug perched under nose" Moustache gives Tinks that extra helping of menace that will surely strike fear into the hearts of opposing players across the division. Would you argue with this 'tache?