An appeal to Pools - change the colour

As the pre-season friendlies get under way and the 2009-10 campaign looms just three weeks away, it’s time for Box of Kippers to introduce one of our new contributors. Say hello and welcome to Steff Jelling, hired at enormous expense to provide an occasional female point of view on Hartlepool United in particular and footy in general.

Hello … I’d like to start my new career as a football pundit by making an appeal to the powers that be at Hartlepool United … please can you change the team’s outfit for matches from all white.
The new costume they wore in the centenary season looked smart at first, but the light colours are a nightmare for us ladies, because grass and mud stains are very stubborn to get out when the players come home on a Saturday night with all their washing.
But if the team played in a darker colour, like navy blue, the stains wouldn’t show so much and that would make life so much easier for the players’ wives.
I’d also like to plead with the players not to do too many of those sliding tackles, because they make their shorts very dirty.
And what about those goal celebrations when players run away and then throw themselves along the grass on their chests. Not only is this very dangerous, but it’s also potentially very damaging to their costumes, especially when the pitch is muddy.
It becomes very difficult for us ladies when the players do that on a Saturday and then have a match on the following Tuesday, because we have to put their outfits into a pre-soak for a few hours before we wash it.

I’m sure if the club sits down and thinks about what I have said they will agree with me.

That’s about it for me first column, but I’ll be here regularly through the season and topics I intend to discuss are the offside law (from a feminine point of view), the state of the ladies’ lavs at Victoria Park, the perfect recipe for prawn sandwiches and what to do when you are making the tea at home on a Saturday evening and “he” phones asking for a lift because he got drunk at the match.

Byeee….