DWs (aka Vespae Inebriet) ham it up in Parma

Rhino hat-trick
By Sparkie
October 14 2002

Our first ever Parker Pen Challenge Cup match took us to Parma, a wealthy, commercial city in the north of Italy. As usual, we were senza (without) our captain, Il Leone (but Scrivs was back!), and half-a-dozen other regulars, so we did well to put the game beyond doubt by the 44th minute.

Diplomatically, we won only by the odd try in seven. I'm sure this was the explanation that the players put forward to Chuckles and Smiler afterwards. Certainly we were less effective than Vespasian in securing our lines of attack while our defence was guilty of being out to lunch on one or two occasions.

In the DW stakes, incredibly just two of us missed the outward flight and they arrived first to join the advance party anyway ... but I digress. Overmach Parma were excellent hosts and laid on a bit of a do. Thankfully the weather was football friendly too but GRAN Parma and Bath had produced a cabbage patch of a pitch the day before the main event by playing out a 3-40 wes'v'inglun win in "moist" conditions. Pez (Matt Perry) was back apparently, and the Bathboys with the blues were happy again.

Match report (in brief, for now):

Penalty goals were traded to our advantage during the first quarter and we were 9-3 to the good. Then we upped the pace after we had found our bearings and Oogie (Arnotvee) Erinle broke and found Mark Van Ginsbergen on the loop for the opening try. Kenny Logan got his eye in on the restart by slotting a 50m penalty goal as the Welsh ref had penalised Overmach for some rough stuff on John Rudd preceding Ginseng's try.

Overmach's scrum half made his mark with a quick tap and go catching us flat-footed. He linked with a lock who drew two defenders before popping to his left winger. Evading a weak tackle, the man from Tonga chipped and chased to the goal-line. Game on at 19-10.

Oogie spurned a 2-man overlap but we kept the pressure up despite going backwards at our put ins. The renovated Martyn Wood, captain for the day, linked swiftly with Ginseng and John Rhino Rudd stormed off his wing to scythe through Overmach for a useful 26-10 advantage at half-time.

After turning round indecently quickly (how is a phalanx of DWs supposed take care of the fluids properly in a regulation 15 minutes?), we tried pressing our self-destruct button by offering Overmach an interception try. Forza fortuna! We got away with it and moments later Rhino swept through them again making good use of second phase ball. 33-10 up, looking good for fifty -- especially when Overmach's replacement was sinbinned for killing a ruck.

It wasn't to be, alas. Woody was rested just before the hour-mark and our legendary last quarter torpor set in once more. Overmach's inside centre sauntered through a chasm to reduce the deficit by seven points.

Oogie almost bagged a charge-down in goal but he knocked on. The heavy conditions limited expansive play until Rhino grabbed his hat-trick after Oogie opened up Overmach with a cunning diagonal charge.

The Specsaver-sponsored ref got on the scoresheet by awarding a charitable penalty try to Overmach and then, for good measure, he binned Sir Trev for trying one of his trademark hits for a second time. End of match, nicely setting the scene for for a Wycombe workout before Glaws.

We learned from the visit to Parma that DWs bounce off concrete and, we're reliably told, drink because we're bored. Vini, bibendi, vici? Sorry.