From one who survived Voll's Testamonial Ball

Volls enjoying life
By deb Wasp
June 6 2002

Our intrepid social secretary (self appointed, but one volunteer worth ten pressed men etc)ventured forth to the event of the year, if not the century. Paul Volley's Tetamonial Ball. Dressed in her best frock (our social sec, not Volls), she managed to stay sober enough to report back to us.

After Slaav's message telling us what we'd missed at Volley's Testimonial Dinner back in March, there was no way we were going to miss out on the Gala Ball!

Everything was going swimmingly, until the weekend before the Ball, when one of our number dropped out due to "unforeseen circumstances". As it was such short notice we decided that we'd pay to have a player on our table.

The afternoon before the event I had two conversations asking what we'd do if that player was a certain individual referred to here only as X - the consensus seemed to be that there'd be a huge argument as to which one of us would draw the short straw and have to sit next to him. We needn't have worried. Not only was X not our player for the night, be we got "two for the price of one". Kenny "The Chat" Logan (sadly no kilt) and Alex "Kinga" King.

Phew! Kenny asked us who our least favourite player was …. obviously X … and he thought it was hilarious. He shouted across the table to ask Kinga who he thought it would be. There was a long pause and then with a straight face he replied 'It's not me, is it?'.

Alex had arrived late, as he had been sitting an exam for his Business & Accounting degree, and had missed the champagne reception. The number of current and former Wasps players there was disappointing - Volls (obviously), Joe "Olympic Torch" Worsley [never goes out - geddit?], Matt Leek, Martyn Wood, Shane Roiser, Laurence Scarse, Damien Cronin - and in my opinion it was particularly bad form that our Club Captain wasn't there (according to one source he wasn't offered the obligatory £1,000 appearance money). However, the backroom staff were well represented, including Warren Gatland, Gloria Sennitt and Malcolm Sinclair. There were also several Quins players - Jason Leonard, Nick Greenstock, Alex Codling, Rory "Drizabone" Jenkins (oops, suppose he should be in the list of Wasps players). Admittedly some had excuses Shaw (on a well-deserved holiday), Greening and Sammo (both at the Cardiff 7s), Jones and Dowd (with the Barbarians).

Volls started off welcoming everyone with some heartfelt words to rapturous applause. The food was excellent but the extortionate wine was variable. Luckily, Mr Logan was on hand to keep the alcohol supplies coming on the DW table. Maybe he consumed too much himself as he let slip that he would actually be cheering on England in the Footie World Cup!

The so-called comedian was short on laughs and long on telegraphed jokes at Kenny's expense. At one stage, we had to restrain Muppett from heckling. After half an hour of excruciating "humour" he was replaced by the tall and unfeasibly handsome Martin "Hagrid" Bayfield who proceeded to show him how to tell funny jokes, especially at Kenny's expense, along with amusing recollections of the last amateur Lions Tour, in 1993.

The evening continued with a raffle and an auction, with items like signed Lions and Arsenal (!) shirts. The latter was purchased by a DW (who shall remain nameless) for a grossly inflated price with the intention of selling it on for a profit. He'll be lucky! The evening ended with "dancing" to a bootleg pub band and thereafter the memory gets a little hazy …..

In conclusion, it was an excellent party and a fitting, if pricey, end to the season! One supposes that with the imminent move to the 'new' stadium, all such future events will be held at the High Wycombe Pizza Hut

written by The Soc. Sec.