Will Green: Fatty's Benefit Curry!
A bit of a do
By Barney Burnham
April 21 2005
"A great night". That was the unanimous verdict on Will Green's Curry Night, attended by around 300 Wasps management, staff, players and supporters, at the Clay Oven Banqueting Suite in Alperton.
The event,planned as part of Will's Benefit Year, had acquired greater significance last week, with the news that this great, loyal Wasp - the club's longest serving player - would be leaving at the end of this season, and heading off to Leinster.
It is typical of Will that he chose to arrange a Benefit event which was within the reach of the "ordinary" supporter. It's also typical of the man that he should choose to support three charities in his Benefit year.
One of those charities is the Tom Somerville Trust, set up to support the 16-year-old schoolboy who broke his neck in November 2003, while playing for Harrow Silverbacks. He's now back at school, and takes his A/S levels this term. He informs me that he wants to be a journalist.
Tom (now 17) and his family were guests of honour last night, seated with Will and his family, on the top table. An unexpected bonus came when Alex King (Tom's favourite Wasps player), who had originally been unable to attend, became available at the last minute. He took his place on the top table, next to the delighted Tom.
One of the highlights of an evening packed with highlights came when Kevin Broadbent, on behalf of the Drunken Wasps, presented Tom with a cheque for £3,500.
First, the food. Superb! I had attended a tasting, two weeks ago, but work commitments had meant that I could only stay long enough to sample the starters, which were magnificent.
Yesterday came the chance to savour the main courses about which Kevin, Sleepy Pete, Nigel Med, James and Will himself had all been drooling. They did not disappoint!
I had the pleasure of sitting at the same table as Trevor Leota and Yosuke Ikegaya (the Suntory, Tokyo prop, who's spending a couple of months with Wasps). Throughout the first course, both these men of steel were constantly downing water, and fanning their faces, as they found the fairly mild dishes far too hot for them.
We had sat down for dinner at 8. At 8.34 came the words I had never expected to hear, from Trevor: "I'm full!" He then announced that, when he has a Testimonial, he will have a KFC night. No surprise there, then!
The evening was hosted by the incomparable (and incorrigible) Peter Scrivener, who set the ball rolling with the words: "Well, welcome to Fatty's Benefit Curry!"
Grace was said by the former Wasps skipper Mark Rigby, chairman of Will's Benefit Committee. It was secular in tone, and contained passages which might upset supporters of Harlequins. Enough said.
The entertainment for the evening came from Steve Williams. Steve plays for Harrow, knows the Somerville family well, is a policeman in real life, and moonlights as a comedy impressionist.
We had all arrived early, to set things up for the evening. Unbeknown to me, Steve had picked up the microphone and started going through some of his routine. I could have sworn that someone had put on a recording of Dame Edna Everage, so good was the impression - I speak as someone who once played Edna's cousin, Dame Glenda Garbage, at a Christmas do, many moons ago!
I tried to keep count of all the characters Steve brought to life, but gave up. Julian Clary, the entire cast of Auf Wiedersehen, Pet, Bob Geldoff, Tommy Cooper, David Beckham - all those, and many more.
Steve's act brought the house down. Unfortunately, the person who had to follow it was - yours truly.
A couple of weeks ago, Will had invited me to say a few words. I was honoured and privileged to accept. I'm relieved to say that, despite ill-mannered heckling from certain quarters - you know who you are, Aitch and Colonel! - I was allowed to leave the stage undamaged, when I had said what I had to say. The fact that Will's mother sought me out to thank me (and give me a kiss) and that his lovely wife Charlotte did the same, suggests that my words had met with some approbation.
Then followed the auction of a framed Wasps shirt, signed by the entire squad of the 2004 Heineken Cup Final. This fetched £1,100. Two tickets for our final game of the season, at Welford Road, were donated by the club. They raised £300.
The auctioneering skills of Mr. Scrivener can not be praised too highly. It can now be revealed that the combination of Green, Scrivener and auctions is not a happy one.
Several years ago, at Paddy Dunston's Benefit dinner, Will and Scrivs had decided to bid for a cricket bat, signed by Don Bradman. When the hammer went down, at the price of £3,500, Scrivs (who'd been standing at the back) had placed the final bid.
A couple of minutes later, he was joined by Will, who'd been standing at the front. Will was full of remorse:"Sorry, Scrivs. I tried, but I kept being outbid by someone at the back!"
I believe Scrivs did finally resell it - for a profit!
Back to last night, and next came the raffle. The star prize went to Dom Benson - a 2004 Zurich Final shirt, signed by the entire squad. What many people (possibly including Dom) did not realise was just whose shirt it had been.
When he turned it round, it revealed the number 9 and the name Howley. Dom, you are a lucky man!
Finally, Will himself. With typical humility, he thanked everybody who'd played a part in helping organise his Benefit, and last night's event. He spoke warmly of his long, happy career at Wasps and paid tribute to everything the club had achieved under Rob Smith, Nigel Melville and Warren Gatland.
After a few words from Kevin came the presentation of the cheque to Tom and his family, followed by the welcome news that Will and the Drunken Wasps had paid for an extra barrel of Cobra. This prompted the predictable stampede to the bar - and there we must leave them, swaying happily in the dark.
This was a special evening, for a special Wasp, who will be sorely missed. But , as we know, "Once a Wasp, always a Wasp".
I should just add that it was a pleasure to meet our new Technical Analyst, Leon Holden, who'd only flown in from Japan 24 hours earlier. He clearly enjoyed the occasion, as did all the other players, coaches and staff who attended.
Special thanks should go to the man Leon is succeeding, Tony Hanks. Tony put together a couple of compilation DVDs, which added to the evening's enjoyment - highlights of last season, and highlights of Will. Rob Howley's Heineken Cup Final try again raised huge cheers and brought us all out in goose bumps, all over again.
Next season, it's the turn of Alex King to have a testimonial/benefit. The good news is that he was so delighted by last night's event that he's keen to have a Curry Evening of his own. Watch this space.
***
For those who are interested, here is an approximation of what I had to say last night, on behalf of all Wasps supporters.
It was not a script - merely the basis of what I said. I've added some of the ad libs I threw in, but left out my cursory dismissal of the hecklers! Since Will had honoured me by asking to say a few words, I felt I owed it to him to do it properly, so I put my thoughts on paper, committed them to memory and delivered them with the help of just a few bullet points.
A couple of weeks ago, Will invited me to say a few words, and I could hardly turn him down : after all, I love the sound of my own voice - allegedly. I did wonder what I could possibly add to the thoughts of the great and the good who’ve contributed to his brochure - a snip at £5, and the hot tip is that, after tonight, the unsigned copies will be the collector’s item.
Gnarled, battle-scarred props of the past must look at the likes of Will and think “What the hell’s going on?”
Look at him. He has the face of a particularly cherubic choirboy. He has a beautiful wife, he knows how to use cutlery, his knuckles are nowhere near the ground and he communicates not by grunt or by gesture, but by words - many of them polysyllabic.
Will is one of the last survivors of the happy band of pilgrims who made the leap of faith from the amateur days to the professional era. He assures me he drinks as much now as he did then, but it’s now crammed into one night, rather than spread over the entire week.
Will seems to have been around for ever. He’s been around since Alex had hair - and that’s almost for ever. He’s worn the shirt with distinction for so long that it’s in urgent need of a wash.
Because they move in their own Twilight Zone, props seldom feature in compilations of the game at its most spectacular - but Will’s had his share of spectacular moments. A nifty try at Leeds this season, finishing off a length-of-the-field movement at the Stoop in 97. A try by the posts in the Cup semifinal against Bristol at the Madejski - but the pièce de resistance came on October the 3rd 1998, when he supported Alex’s break to charge all of 40
…inches to leave the Shed apoplectic.
On a more prosaic level, have you ever stopped to think how many hours you’ve spent watching 29 players standing around while Will adjusts a strategically misplaced contact lens? A worthy successor to Andy Reid.
But the onfield Will is only part of the man. He’s as tireless and dedicated off the field as he is on it. Tom’s family have first-hand experience of Will’s kindness, support and generosity of spirit. Many other people also know what it’s like to be befriended by Will, when times are tough. He’s made more hospital visits than the Health Secretary, and , if they dished out Air Miles for acts of kindness, Will would now have his own airline. He’s the sort of special person who makes rugby a special sport and Wasps a special club.
It’s a bitter-sweet occasion - if we’d been eating Chinese, it would have been sweet and sour, but I prefer Indian.
300 of us are gathered together, having a good time, in good company, paying tribute to a great Wasp - but that great Wasp is about to fly off to pastures new. Our loss is Leinster’s gain.
I’m sure Brian O’Driscoll is looking forward to receiving expert advice on what the well-dressed man is wearing - from Charlotte. Sadly, in Will’s case, that advice has fallen on deaf ears for too many years.
Will - on behalf of all Wasps supporters everywhere, heartfelt thanks for all you’ve done to make the club what it is today. Enjoy the craic - and, in the approximate words of the late, great Dave Allen : Goodbye, good luck, and may your God go with you.