Irish 14 Leicester 23

Cormac the bard offers us his view of the match ...

It’s time to write another match report,
And tell of how the London Irish fought
To keep the Leicester Tigers’ hordes at bay –
Without success, I’m very sad to say.

So, coming off the back of four defeats,
We really had to beat these Leicester cheats.
Offside at rucks throughout – you know it’s true!
(This ain’t supposed to be a neutral view)

The Fields of Athenry observance done,
We settled down, and hoped the boys had come
All fired up – their foes would be the same.
The Tigers, dressed in grey, began the game.

The early signs weren’t good – the Leicester maul
Was working well already, and the wall
Of grey shirts in defence was hard to crack.
Repeatedly, their tackling drove us back.

An early Twelvetrees miss provoked some hope.
An off-day for the gifted stand-off? Nope.
It didn’t take them long to try again,
3-0 behind – familiar, needless pen.

Now Ryan’s favoured tactic of the day
Was chipping through, to make the Tigers pay
For coming up offside. His first attempt
Flew straight to Leicester backs – so out it went.

The unforced error count began to grow –
Depressing but familiar news, I know.
We didn’t look much like a team in second –
In fact, we won’t be there for long, I reckon…

Before much longer, Lamby had a go
At levelling the scores – they didn’t roll
Away in time for Pearson – Irish pen.
Great touch-find – line-out – penalty! But then…

An easy kick on Leicester’s 22,
He sent it left, but thought that it was through.
And gave the TJ quite a stony glare,
But wide it was – a shocker, to be fair.

Now Paicey left the field of battle then.
He somehow did himself a mischief when
He caught a Geordan Murphy garryowen.
So on came Blaney. Duties: hooking, throwing.

Defensive patterns carried on as previous,
The Irish av’rage, Tigers good but devious.
Another Leicester pen was fairly straight,
And Twelvetrees put it over, no mistake.

A crumb of comfort in the form of sprightly
Young Johnny Joseph – he was doing nicely.
A novice in the London Irish gang, he
Was coping very well with Tuilagi.

The forwards, sadly – that’s a different matter.
A scrum went back, and down, and that was that. A
Bizarrely drawn-out kick by Billy Twelvetrees,
It’s 9-0! Come on Irish – fight like hell, please!

Now Ryan looks as if he’s lost his mojo –
A CRAZY under-pressure pass to Ojo!
But Topsy keeps his head, and kicks it out.
The Irish breathe again – a sip of stout.

We’re far too slow in subsequent exchanges,
At clearing rucks – the Tigs’ defence arranges
Itself so quick, you have to keep them moving,
To make some space – this scoreline needs improving.

An anxious moment follows – Waldrom’s through,
And thinks he’s scored, but Pearson whistles – phew!
He slams the ball down – what a silly tantrum.
To boos and whistles – back you come, please, madam!

At last, an Irish score – the Leicester pack
On Irish ball, at ruck time, pull it back.
Eventually the ref has had enough,
And Ryan sticks a HUGE kick through – great stuff!

Half time: 9-3, a steak-and-kidney pie.
Ten minutes’ rest, they’re back out – IRISH TRY!
A multi-player move, a charge by Chris,
A Ryan chip, a lucky bounce – what’s this?

An Irish winger flying through – it’s Topsy!
He grabs the ball, he hits the line, he drops. He
Is forced to wait, as Pearson goes upstairs.
I’ve no idea why – IT’S YES! Who cares?

A missed conversion, score remains 8-9,
But Ryan’s getting better all the time.
His chips and touch-kicks really hit the mark.
This might be what we’ve lacked – the missing spark.

It doesn’t last – a Delon error, tryin’
To kick it in the corner, just like Ryan
Is overcooked – attacking Leicester throw.
Recycling – numbers on the left – oh no!

It’s Murphy ghosting through a gap and feeding
The flanker, Waldrom – try, leaves Twelvetrees needing
A tricky kick to get the extra two.
He’s done it! 16-8. I think we’re through.

A few replacements – on comes Mapusua,
To galvanize the Irish back-line. Fewer
Mistakes are needed. Come on, chaps, get going!
We need the massive hits – the big Samoan.

A great attack from Irish – multi-phase
With Maps and Steff (who’s on now) in the fray.
The Tigers – do I even need to say –
Are pinged because they never roll away.

An easy shot for Lamb – we’re five adrift.
An Irish move, and Tuilagi’s miffed.
A purposeful knock-on, or interception?
I guess it’s all a matter of perception.

A driving forward move nets us a pen,
Where Garvey, Alex, Chris all feature. Then
When Ryan’s kicked the easy penalty,
They kick the restart out, amazingly.

The Leicester scrum is really now on top.
It goes straight down, and Pearson pings our prop.
But Twelvetrees takes an AAAAAAAAGE to take the kick.
Resounding boos – it’s rubbish. Awful. Quick!

We need to shift it! Time is running out!
An unforced knock-on – WHAT is that about?
Our scrum (please see above) is really creaking.
Another massive shove – it’s clear they’re seeking

A final seven points, to kill our bonus.
The scrum breaks up, and does again. We groan as
A third one founders. Over gen’rous hosts,
As normal. Referee heads for the posts.

An easy kick for Twelvetrees, that’s the lot.
We lost by nine, and, let’s be honest, not
An unfair score. No bonus point’s displeasing –
And just to rub it in, it’s flipping freezing!

So there we are – the Leicester pack outmuscled
Our own, and though their game plan isn’t subtle,
They did it – not among the classic clashes,
But that’s yer lot – I’m off to watch The Ashes.