HSC - RIP

By Craic Ace Reporter
April 12 2004

The rugby world was shook to it’s foundations today as the death was announced of the Harlequins Supporters Club. This came after a long drawn out lethargy, one from which the club was never to recover.

Chief surgeon, Harleys Evil Step Mum, has fought bravely over the last six months to keep the ailing patient alive but last week resigned. ‘It’s been an interesting experience to say the least’, he said. ‘In the end it succumbed to an attack of acute megalomania, there was nothing we could do. We tried everything we could but this patient was very sick indeed‘. Asked about future plans he said, ‘Perhaps I can now do something constructive, like joining Quinssa.’

When asked to comment on the demise of HSC the chairman of Quinssa, Will Warner, said ‘So what?’ Pushed further for an explanation he expanded, ‘No we don’t care, really, not one little bit. HSC has long been insignificant, it’s demise means nothing to us. Now can you please toddle off and find something more interesting to write about.’

Harlequins Supporters Club is survived by the rump of a committee together with a substantial sum of the supporters’ money. Asked what would happen to this Mr. Westerstream the club treasurer and acting chairman for life said, ‘What constitution? This is my club and I’ll do what I please’. He added ‘You are not a proper journalist like me, I’m not going to answer any further questions unless they are supplied, hand written, by a fully accredited member of the NUJ. Even then I may reserve the right not to answer them on the grounds of impertinence.’  He then appeared to get somewhat irate, ‘Last year we had an impudent whippersnapper in the club by the name of Prof who tried this sort of behaviour. He soon came to regret it as we cast him out. I’m sure he’s never really recovered from the shame.’

The Craic’s ace reporter contacted the former Iraqi information minister Mohammed Saeed, once a prominent member of the HSC regime. When asked for comment he said ‘HSC is not dead. Our renowned newsletter Nunquam Dormio, published daily with a circulation of tens of thousands, is testament to this. We have an active and growing membership and lots of social events have been arranged. On top of this our website gets more hits than any other rugby site in the world. Any infidel who suggests otherwise will be mown down by the mighty sword of TMJ’.

No announcement of an official burial has yet been made. It is understood that, as this requires organisational skills which have previously seemed lacking in the remnants of the HSC committee, one may never take place. ‘It would be sad to see a once mighty organisation just rot away.’ Said Adrian Westerstream-Smyth, now almost sixteen and long a chronicler of his father’s ups and downs. ‘Despite what my dad says, I simply can’t see anything else happening.’ Shaking his head he said, ‘Well, whatever has happened to HSC, and no matter how much of an embarrassment this whole matter has been to the club, to myself and to my fellow supporters, Quins are always going to be fab to my mind’.