Surrender in the North East

(Binky)
By PerryGo
February 4 2003

OK, so you’re stuck at the foot of the Premiership, six points adrift of your nearest rival. You’ve scored the least number of points and the fewest tries. You’ve conceded the most points too. Who you gonna call? Harlequins, of course…

With all the pundits citing Newcastle’s dismal Premiership record – played 14, lost 11 – and newspaper articles everywhere discussing whether Jonny will stay to play in National League One next season, what better fixture to face next than the Harlequins?  Yes, just what the doctor ordered to restore vitality and confidence, ease depression and provide a nice soft passage to a full five points.

The first half was a tense affair, with Harlequins making a good show of looking like they might win the game.  Arguably, they had the better of the play, with an effective lineout and some strong (if slow) rolling mauls making a few yards each time.  But just playing a half-decent forty minutes is all part of the problem.  It’s not at all difficult to lose the game in the other forty minutes.  As we soon discovered.

RM (No longer a TOB)  - Binky

 We are fated to continue to lose games if we cannot put points on the board when we have the ball - especially if we then compound that failure by naïve defence and missed tackles when they have the ball.  It may have been a tight first half but we completely fell apart in the second.  Total capitulation.  We lost our shape and ran out of ideas completely.

Too many of the Harlequins players were exposed for weaknesses and technical shortcomings.  Quite what Matt Moore was doing charging into nowhere, for example, to leave his wing exposed for the final Newcastle try is anyone’s guess.  Headless chicken time again.  Standing behind the goal line ruck like a daydreaming spectator before the second try was hardly inspiring either.  More on Moore later...

Three-quarters Short of a Picnic?

There is something very seriously wrong with the backs.  They never once looked remotely like doing any damage; no wonder there were so many rolling mauls by the pack.  Why give the ball to the three-quarters?  It only means more work to win it back again after they’ve gone nowhere and then conceded possession. 

With Burke playing more like a lance-corporal than a general, running laterally and laying the ball off predictably to the next man in the line 99 times out of every 100 (even when it’s a prop…) there’s less chance of anything magical happening than one of Tommy Cooper’s tricks working.  How to go nowhere in three easy lessons. 

It was notable that almost every time he passed, Wilkinson threw a long miss-pass (Burke threw one in the whole game, when he had a forward inside him).  Indeed, the third Newcastle try was from a triple miss-pass by Jonny, following which Newcastle ran straight past Burke as if he wasn’t there (it wasn’t a missed tackle – he didn’t even touch the guy...!).    

It’s customary (well, for me, at least…) to lambaste the three-quarters, but let’s stop for a moment to pay tribute to Viliame Satala.  He did well on Saturday, strong in defence and powerful in attack, making a number of good runs and important tackles.  The fact that he struggled along with the rest of the backline when Will Greenwood had to go off is tribute to Greenwood’s organizational ability (positioning and set plays not being high on the Satala list of attributes). 

Chris Bell – of whom I am a big fan – seemed to have a bit of a nightmare too, when he acme on to replace the Shaggy One.  Is he fit, one wonders?

Credit is due also to Scott Bemand, who is a brave and gutsy little guy.  He certainly played his heart out, making a lot of tackles and taking a very painful shoeing at one point thanks to being on the wrong side after a tackle.  Unfortunately, his pass does not seem to be the quickest, which puts Burke and Williams under a bit of pressure in defensive situations clearing the ball to touch and also slows the attacking opportunities.

One of our problems (and this is, in fairness, partly due to injuries) is insufficient depth in the squad.  Blimey, we even had to have Pablo Cardinali on the bench last weekend.  But what can explain the total capitulation in the second half?  Do you just put it down to conceding one soft try and that putting pressure on us, which (as is so often the case) simply led to more?

 I don’t want to be a scaremonger, but let’s look at what’s coming up for us.  Thanks to Saturday's inept showing, folks, we are now only eight points off the bottom.  We have a game in hand, but that’s away from home too.  We have only three remaining home fixtures, against Sale (second in the table this morning), Leicester (fourth) and Northampton (sixth).

Who me? - Binky

Timing is Everything

Oh, but don’t worry.  We have a money spinning but totally pointless fixture against Natal Sharks coming up in three days time.  Marketing genius triumphing over common sense, that is.  Just when you would think some rest and recuperation are needed to get the players ready for a huge game on Saturday, what does the management do?  Sell out for a few pieces of silver, making the players play three matches in eight days.  So much for player burnout. 

The credit for arranging this game (according to the ‘Quinzine’) seems to be due a nebulous organisation called Sporting Class.  You wonder if they know anything about rugby.  But that’s probably not in their brief.  Money, money, money…  If you see one ‘Andy Lee’ or ‘Matt Wasley’ wandering around the ground, make a point of thanking them on behalf of the players won’t you?  That’s assuming they actually go to the rugby.  These are also the guys to call if you’re interested in booking a hospitality package or going to an equally pointless - and no doubt ludicrously expensive - ‘Gala Dinner’ next Wednesday (which the players are no doubt also expected to attend, shake a few hands, smile politely at the corporate hoorays and answer slurred questions in the unlikely event that any of their fellow diners recognise them).

None of which explains Saturday's performance, of course.

Four or five points on Saturday would have been enough for us to relax a little.  We would still have been in with a shout of a top six position, whereas instead, we now have to cast a nervous eye over our shoulders at the bottom of the table.

So if you were Mark Evans, what would you now do tonight?

We know full well that South Africans can be - how shall we put it? - physical.  You really can’t tell the players to take it easy to avoid further injuries (hardly a realistic option in a top flight match) but even if you could, the team would just then get hammered and humiliated by the scoreline.  Equally, you can’t really put out a reserve team, since (a) they’d get hammered too and (b) the Sponsors wouldn’t like it.  Most of the corporates can only recognise Jason and Will as it is, so show them Ugo Monye and Seb Fitzgerald in the starting lineup and they’ll be crying ‘foul’ and wanting their money back.  Sporting Class would not be amused!   Especially if they realised they could see the same players for free in a Second Team fixture.  Ha ha.

No, it’s a complete no-win situation.  But before we feel too much sympathy for the coach, let’s recall he’s also the Chief Executive, so you have to conclude he was (at least initially) in favour of this pointless little distraction.  To which I am of course looking forward… but then, I’m only a supporter.

I only hope the money that the Club makes out of it makes it all worthwhile.  And that we don’t pick up any injuries to key players along the way.  The cupboard is bare enough as it is.

Onwards and Upwards – What Next?

Going back for a moment to the rugby (remember the rugby?), let’s hope that if nothing else the first half on tonight will be a chance for the players to regroup and gain some confidence after that disastrous second half in Newcastle.  No doubt most of the Quins’ starting lineup will be replaced at half time anyway, like last year, so the second half will be another unrepresentative rout against the youth team and reserves.  Still, eight thousand visiting South Africans will be happy enough and should take their satisfaction out on the bar stocks long into the night. 

But once this little time-waster is behind us, quite what to do selection-wise in the backs is a problem (the forwards largely pick themselves, of course).  After all, until we can go into the market for some new players for next season there’s the little matter of seeing out this one with the talent we’ve got.

For starters, in the absence of Frodo Gollings (who - with Luger - must still be first choice right now), let’s have Rob Jewell on the wing instead of Matt Moore.  Unless of course, you’re brave enough to give Ugo Monye a run.  I’m afraid Mooro’s flimsy defence and positional eccentricities are just too hazardous.  When he went walkabouts just before the final try, he left Newcastle with an overlap.  As Miles Harrison, the Sky commentator said, “there didn’t seem to be anybody there”.  Too true – it was Moore’s position.  He’d ludicrously gone chasing the interception, even though the ball was nowhere near and he left his wing unguarded.  And also with their second try – Moore didn’t even see Botham lurking behind on the wing – as so often, he wasn’t looking and failed to call across defence to guard the side of the ruck. 

Secondly, let’s try either Greenwood at fly half again or – here’s a wild card for you – my preference, what about the forgotten man, Matt Powell?  Yes, I know he’s supposed to be a scrum half, but he has played at ten before, you may recall, when we were really down on our uppers for players to choose from a couple of seasons ago.  He did OK then.  And his beautifully flighted double miss-pass* off his left hand led directly to the consolation try on Saturday.  It would make selection at centre less difficult, allowing Greenwood to say at twelve.  Tell Williams to practice his goal kicking …

 * (Note to Paul Burke: a miss-pass is when you pass the ball beyond the guy standing right next to you, directly to one of the guys outside him in the line.  Assuming of course you can pass that far.  Normally they will run onto it.  The idea is to stretch the drift defence and maybe open up some space out wide.  It also needs to be done with some speed of course, and will not be effective if you’ve already wasted several seconds running laterally first…)        

Whether Chris Bell or Vili Satala is first choice depends a lot on their respective fitness.  Bell looked lost on Saturday, for the short time he was on the park, while Satala had maybe his best game so far.  So, on form (I never thought I’d say this) I guess it’s Satala for the moment.

Have You Heard the One About the Harlequin Supporters’ Club?

In closing, a brief word on the running sore which is the Harlequin Supporters’ Club SGM. 

For anyone not familiar with this unhappy saga, despite a valid petition requesting an SGM - to table a vote of ‘no confidence’ - being presented to the Committee over two months ago, they have not only declined to call one (in total violation of their own rules, which say one must be called if asked for by the requisite number of members) but they don’t even have the common decency to answer any of the very polite letters or e-mails that have been sent them on the subject. Talk about ‘the unfortunate side of Harlequins’! - I wonder what the TV pundits would make of this one if they hear about it..? 

One wonders if the Club is at all concerned?