Dire Straits play at Twickenham

By Worried of Whitton
February 26 2005

Sorry to disappoint Kwin, but this does not confirm your suspicion that there will be a second large concert playing at Twickenham, following U2. Nor, I hasten to add, does it refer to the current status of Harlequins in the Premiership.

No, the title refers to the absolutely dire game of rugby that was witnessed this afternoon at the Stoop. During the second half I almost called in the local Trading Standards office to adjudicate, as to whether there was a case to answer under the Trade Descriptions Act.

Like the majority of Quins fans who witnessed the dawn of the “New Era” two weeks ago, against Gloucester I was expecting a hard fought, open game but for Quins to come out on top, yet like everyone else came away from the match more disappointed than frustrated. Certainly when I volunteered to write this report earlier in the season I d expected so much more from this match than was served up today. Taking notes high up in the east stand it became clear as the afternoon progressed that there was not going to be a lot to report about this match. I thought to myself “is it me?” only to be relieved when the spectator next to me suggested that “boring” should sum up the first half. Equally the hacks, I counted 24 of them huddled together for warmth and free coffee in the press box, after the match, thought the same and they all had an off the field story they wanted to exploit rather than what happened on the field, but more of that later!

A cordial welcome awaited the visitors from Worcester to the strains of “The Boys are Back in Town” acknowledging the multicoloured pedigree of a number of the Worcester side. To their credit they brought significant travelling support with them, certainly out numbering, and out chanting any others that we’ve seen this season, except Munster of course! So just before 2 o’clock, the Worcester team trundled through the “hole in the wall” on to the pitch, and took up position facing the North Stand, playing in to the wind, after winning the toss, a factor which was to play significant roll in the outcome of the match. Staunton kicked off and the match began, the ball was caught by van Niekerk but was tackled the loose ball was kicked into touch by Powell although the ball didn’t travel far because of the wind. Thus with only a few minutes gone it was obvious that Quins would have to strive to put as many points on the board in the first half and it was equally clear from the outset of the match that Worcester had come to spoil the game and employed a very physical and if I may suggest a cynical approach to the game by slowing play down at every opportunity. It Worcester would be happy living off kicks at goal than any attempts at tries. Just seven minutes into the match Quins conceded a penalty which made the Worcester No. 10, James Brown, “feel good” as he slotted his kick home to take an early lead. It is pointless to give a minute by minute account, as the match continued with a succession of scrums, kicks for touch and line outs, however this penalty signalled the point when Quins started to settle down, soak up the pressure and began to turn on the opposition. Reading through my notes, for the remainder of this half was probably where Quins played their best attacking rugby of the match. Certainly for the next fifteen minutes Worcester never got back over the half way line, but Quins could not make the pressure count. On ten minutes a cross pitch passing sweep saw Williams pass to Duffy who accelerated and turned for the line in a similar move to his Irish try last week. He passed to Keogh who dropped the ball but recollected and passed to Harder who was brought down. A penalty was awarded to Quins and Staunton collected the three points on offer in front of the posts. With fourteen minutes gone, scores were level 3-3. Following a further succession of scrums, kicks for touch and line outs, with Quins unable to reach the try line they collected another three points from a penalty twenty four minutes into the match. And so the score remained 6-3 at half time.

The second half saw Worcester take control and dominate the match with their stronger pack scrummaging
and although our forwards fronted up as best they could, the injury to Tani Fuga was obviously having an effect and he was replaced by Hayter after 29 minutes Slowly but surely they were able to kick themselves back into the match, aided by the wind, with a series of penalties on twelve, seventeen, minutes which regained Worcester the lead, followed by a missed long range penalty on twenty minutes. These were followed by two further converted attempts on twenty six and thirty two minutes, after a break out by Duffy was stopped and he was penalised for holding on to the ball. Worcester dominated the second half and were able to slow play down as often as they could. Whilst it is easy to complain, Worcester did all they had to do just to stay in front and finally win the match, despite Quins desperate or should it be disparate attempts to open the match up. Talk after the match was full of complaints against the referee, who it should be reported, did not have a particularly good game. During the second half I felt that his extended left arm had frozen due to the penetrating wind. As Worcester wound the clock down, there was still sufficient injury time to allow a further Quins fight back with a great run by Tom Williams and pass on to Ugo Monye. For their persistence Quins were eventually rewarded after forty five minutes when a final penalty was awarded, and Staunton gratefully kicked to give Quins that all important and precious loosing bonus point.

This was more of a disappointing performance than a frustrating one, and the on the pitch activity did nothing to raise the temperature; however my glass remains half full. We are increasingly reliant on the results from the matches of the teams in the bottom five league positions. Although the overall game was dire, the statistics from this match actually show that the teams’ performances were relatively even. From their sixteen line outs Quins won nine, whilst from their seventeen Worcester won eleven. The penalty count was twelve – eight in favour of Worcester but four of those were conceded one after the other in a brief spell during the second half, as they slowly worked their way up the pitch.

Worcester have won a lot of plaudits this year for their tenacity and potential for causing upsets, but I would suggest that if they continue to play in the same way as played today they will not collect many more.


Talk in the press box was of the controversial article in Saturdays Daily Mail written by Charles Sale suggesting that Harlequins were party to a £7 million plot by the Premiership Clubs, with Harlequins chairman Charles Jillings being labelled as the most active premiership powerbroker. ( see link http://www.sportnetwork.net/boards/read/s98.php?f=100&i=100037&t=100037&sid=98)
This was news to me and whilst waiting for Evans and Scotty to arrive I watched one reporter typing up his match report slanderously suggesting that Quins only needed to turn up today and not be worried about how they played or even the outcome of the match, knowing they’d be safe. He stated that this story was the only topic of conversation “buzzing around” at the Stoop. Interestingly no one I spoke before or after the match was remotely aware of this. Indeed when questioned about it Mark Evans said that he was only made aware of it just half an hour before kick off, and knew nothing about it and when pressed further, his response was “Are you questioning my veracity?” Nothing more was said.

Of the match Evans said that Harlequins “were scrummed out of the game. We’ ve scrummed well all year so credit must go to Worcester because they caused us all sorts of problems. When they had the ball they did a lot of double driving, and it allowed them to control the clock and filed position. ” Paying tribute to Worcester he added before the game “ I thought that they had the second best scrum in the league after Leicester, after today I'll have to revise my opinion. It was a poor game – there was no pace and that is the way they wanted to play. When the match didn’t loosen up I thought we tucked up instead of playing a bit wider, which is what we should have done.”

Evans repeated what he d said on Tuesday night stating that neither Worcester nor Harlequins would be relegated. He reiterated that 37 points is the target Harlequins must reach to stay up so another 11 points from six games were needed, not a tall order considering we’d picked up 21 points in the last eight games.


Worcester Coach Andy Keast believes that a clearer picture of the relegation situation will emerge in the next few weeks, but Worcester are still “in the mix” , however he was pleased with the result. He refused to apologise for the manner in which the victory was attained. Obviously he is focusing on survival this year but he did allude to the fact that next year Worcester need to start playing more expansive rugby.

The press were still sniffing around for tit bits regarding the relegation issue and interestingly when Keast was asked “do you believe that whoever finishes twelfth will not go down”, his reply was “ we do not want to be part of that equation.”


Finally I can reveal that the “famous face” seen at the Stoop this afternoon, and whose presence seemed to be ignored by most supporters in the East Stand bar was NOT being interviewed for the position of coach. His presence was merely down to Corporate Hospitality, so No, Eddie Jones cannot be linked with any potential vacancy for coaching Harlequins next season!