News:Tales from the sofa LV= Cup Round 3 Bath 46 Saints 14
By Bleach
January 28 2012
A first for COYS - a match report from Bleach. Secretly we know that he really wanted to do this but if it was a home game he would have changed the habits of a lifetine and stayed for the final minute - so rather than travel - he was given dispensation to write this report from the sofa
Tales from the Sofa
Bath v Saints Match Report – as it happened
The Build Up
“If Bath can't beat this Northampton side, they may as well give up playing rugby” – Stuart Barnes
At 54 years of age, experiencing ‘firsts’ are limited these days but this is a first for me – my first Match Report. As kick off approaches, I’m trying to get excited about this fixture and questioning my overall sanity for offering to write this report – I mean, it’s only a meaningless LV Cup fixture. My mind is drifting to the comment made by the Bath supporter who had the cheek to comment
"If recent experience of Saints when they've lost first teamers to international duty is anything to go by, we should romp home - they've looked evn more clueless than us at times.”
With an hour to go before kick-off, I’m getting grief from the latest Mrs Bleach who seems to be getting ready to go shopping – surely she doesn’t expect me to join her?. I have tuned into SKY Sports and am settling down on my favoured horizontal position on the sofa..
“Are you getting ready then – I want to go to Milton Keynes”
“No, I have a match report to write – I need to watch the game – its an extremely important game”
Mrs Bleach looks puzzled and questions the importance of such a fixture
“Hang on, you said the European Cup was important and when that opportunity went you praised the Amlin Challenge, don’t tell me you are saying that the “Mickey Mouse” cup as you call it is now the most important competition… “
I have nowhere to go with her questioning – she has a point, I did say these things. I need to to take her mind off the shopping trip and settle her down with the Guardian so I can focus on the Match Report. Luckily, she engages with the colour supplement and I am free to watch the game.
I have one eye on the TV, the game hasn’t kicked off yet.
“A second recording is about to start, to continue watching choose a program to cancel”
Mrs Bleach looks up from her Guardian and gives me one of those stares which after all these years of marriage means I have nowhere to go…
“Look, can’t you miss Celebrity Fat Club for once – this game is important, I need to watch it – I need to write the Match Report”
I end up dragging out the IPAD – there was no way she was going to miss a recording of “Celebrity Fat Club Biggest Losers. “
Pre Match
The transmission has commenced – I’m making my final preparations as the players warm up……. Its strange to see the greenness of the pitch – its strange to see grass growing compared to how it used to be all those years ago, yes, it looks a lovely day in bath.
The Saints Team looks – umm, strange. Some chap called Diggin at Fullback, some chap called Tonks playing in the centre. Mrs Bleach puts down her Guardian and looks at the Saints line up – even she notes the presence of Mr Diggin and starts singing “Digger, digger, digger..”
15 Paul DIGGIN 14 Jamie ELLIOTT 13 Scott ARMSTRONG 12 Greig TONKS 11 Vasily ARTEMYEV 10 Stephen MYLER 9 Martin ROBERTS 1 Alex WALLER 2 Brett SHARMAN 3 Tom MERCEY 4 Mark SORENSON 5 Christian DAY
6 James CRAIG 7 Ben NUTLEY 8 Samu MANOA
The Bath team looks strong.. very strong. This could be a lengthy match Report if a have to report on every try scored. Where is the justice?
15. Nick Abendanon 14. Olly Woodburn 13. Sam Vesty 12. Olly Barkley 11. Tom Biggs 10. Stephen Donald
9. Michael Claassens 1. David Flatman 2. Ross Batty 3. Anthony Perenise 4. Stuart Hooper (c) 5. Ryan Caldwell 6. Ben Skirving 7. Francois Louw 8. Simon Taylor
A sudden realisation that my glass is empty sees me heading to the fridge where a cluster of AG tins await me. A pre match Guinness from the fridge simply doesn’t beat the pre match Guinness served up at the Foundry. Is there anything finer than spending quality time in the pub listening to tales of life in down town Wolverton and bumping into people I only meet at these pre match rituals? I return to the sofa, glass replenished – let the game commence.
First Quarter
The first quarter has been dominated by Wavey Davey and his whistle – neither side have showed invention. The Saints reserve pack have showed that they have strength and are performing well but we keep getting penalised at the breakdown enabling Berkely to keep the score board turning over. In fairness to Wavey Davey – his refereeing has been fair and accurate and so we cannt complain about that. Digger looks a little rounder than I remember and heavy footed – the backline are not creating anything mind you, nor are Bath at the moment. Barkley’s trusted boot makes it 3 – 0 after eight minutes as Saints are penalised again at the breakdown. The sound of the bugler is now giving me a headache – its really irritating. I realise im turning into a grumpy old man again. Bath continue to kick over the Saints with plenty of high balls and Smyler is accused of a high tackle – Barkley makes it 6-0 with his trusted boot. At this stage of the game – Bath have had 60% of the pocession Neither side are showing any invention or creativity - Bath go offside and Smyler makes it 6-3 Im starting to wonder whether I should have gone on the shopping trip to MK – Barkley kicks another penalty to make it 9-3 following Saints once again being penalised at the breakdown for not releasing. It’s a game of stop start and Wavey Davey at the moment and Saints are awarded yet another penalty which Smyler converts.
Second Quarter
Its interesting to listen to Dean Ryan wax lyrical about our front row and yet whilst the pack are holding their own, the backs are simply not competing or posing any threat Waller is penalised for losing his bind and Bath are awarded yet another penalty by Wavey Davey – Berkley strikes making it 12 – 6
As things stand, 73% of the game has been played in the middle of the pitch
Bath eventually decide to go wide and work the ball into the corner –a massive overlap appears and Batty scores in the corner – Barkley converts to make it 19-6. This is starting to look ominous, Mrs Bleach starts watching an old episode of Bonanza which is drawing me in – I’ve one eye ( the good one ) on the game and the second one watching the Cartwright’s being as squeaky clean as ever. Not so squeaky clean on the pitch with Bath committing a high tackle – Smyler kicks the penalty to make it 19-9 at half time. Thank goodness that’s over.
Third Quarter Bath
The second half kicks off and Bath are constantly on the attack – Perenise cuts through the Saints shambolic defence with ease and lunges to the line making it Bath 26 Saints 9. Bath are asking all the questions and playing at pace – Saints on the other hand are void of ideas. The Saints pack are rewarded for their effort with Waller scrambling over making it 26 – 14 Why am I not shouting or biting my nails with worry – cant decide. This really is a nothing sort of game at the moment. Whilst the SKY commentary team are annoying, they do inform me that at this stage, Bath have had 69% of the pocession and look to increase this. The Saints look heavy footed and tired and so Mallinder sends on the heavy brigade. Perhaps the worst thing to come out of this game is the departure of Sharman on 59 minutes with bad looking injury. Andy Long replaces him.
Fourth Quarter
Saints continue to infringe at the breakdown and Berkeley makes it 29-14 – Bath are playing at pace and try to avoid the Saints pack - the tactic is working and several phases of play sees Woodburn touching down – Barkley misses the conversion.
Bath are so dominant at this stage and Im starting to regret ever agreeing to write a Match Report – meanwhile, Ben Cartwright is being accused for a murder he didn’t commit – I feel sorry for him as Donald dives over to make it 39-14. Please Sir, bring this game to an end – there are no positives to take from the game – no major performances just a lot of questions. The dreaded six nation period is upon us and to make matters worse, Charlie Beech scrambles over to conclude the game at Bath 46 – Saints 14
I close down the Ipad and announce to Mrs Bleach that im ready to go shopping explaining that I’m not in a bad mood despite the heavy defeat. She seems pleased and we head out together. The next two months are going to be tough – I hate the six nations.
Alex Waller Says:
Jim Mallinder's view
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A lesson on spotting illegal and non-binding going on under his conk would not go amiss.
Who said that? Flatman?
Good stuff Bob
David L
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
- Live wrong and preposterously
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2012:01:28:23:55:17 by St Marlowe.
By the way, did poor Ben Cartwright get exonerated?
You have to hand it to Nigel Davies, no money, had to let his star overseas players go. Rather than buying a squad, he has had to develop one for buttons over the last 2 seasons. Would Ben Morgan have made it into the England squad if the Scarlets had not given him the opportunity? Now Gloucester are rumoured to have offered a transfer fee to prise him away from Llanelli when he was there under their noses at Cinderford. Presumably they want a replacement for Narraway.
Moral, you may as well lose (or win if you are the Scarlets) in this competition developing your own players. Bringing them in from all over the world in numbers is not a guaranteed success.
Eh?
Nicely written Mr Bleach, sir!
Only one person in the world could insert a dissertation about an unconnected Welsh team into a report of a match between two English sides (one of which he feigns to "support")
Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 2012:01:29:10:03:05 by tedge.
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