Headmaster’s End of Term Speech
By Casual Saint
August 5 2013
After rummaging around my paperwork and souvenirs I have recently come across the Premiership Headmaster’s speech from the End of Term Service. I thought I would share it with you as a mild diversion from work or any other meaningful activity.
Headmaster’s End of Term Speech
“First of all I would like to welcome all of the parents and governors of Premiership School to our annual End of Term Service. I’m particularly pleased to see Mr Murdoch, who has been such a generous benefactor over the years. As you all will be aware we will have a new benefactor next year, Mr Beetee, who I understand is in the phone business. I would like to thank Mr Murdoch for all his support over the years but I’m sure he will agree that competition is always a good thing. It will be sad not to be seeing Mr Murdoch’s assessers, Mr Barnes and Mr Morris, who have been particularly helpful when it comes to supplying answers to the “Bleeding Obvious” exam.
So now let us review how our rugby teams have fared this year.
The 1st XV had a mixed year, results were quite disappointing during the Autumn Term and some of us were beginning to think that maybe our relatively new Games Master, Mr Lancaster, did not have it in him. Then the boys had an excellent result against the touring team from New Zealand and then we began to think that maybe Mr Lancaster was the best Games Master we have ever had. During the Spring Term the 1st XV did very well and in the staff room there was general agreement that Mr Lancaster was the best Games Master we had ever had. This was before our trip to Wales to play the Welsh Combined Schools Teams. This was a most unfortunate affair. Some the Welsh players looked suspiciously big and they were certainly very rough with our boys. Added to this the fact that some of our boys were born or grew up abroad, they found Wales a very confusing place and found it very difficult to settle down. The fact that the crowd could sing in tune and knew more than one song also added to the general feeling of unease. The staff room now considers that Mr Lancaster is properly acceptable as a Games Master but we will demand better results next year.
Now to review the Inter House games.
The Inter House Cup Final was a very unfortunate affair. The Captain of Northampton House was really quite rude to Mr Barnes who had agreed to referee the game. I would like to point out that Mr Barnes tries really very hard and if he had not agreed to be the referee then there would not have been a game. I would like to say that the quite disgraceful graffiti about Mr Barnes that was written in the toilet block of Northampton House was certainly not called for. That Mr Barnes has many friends in Leicester House and often pops in for tea is quite beside the point. So Northampton let their house down yet again and we quite despair at their continued inability to win the Inter House Cup.
Now this is not the first time that Hartley D has misbehaved and as such we decided that he would not be able to go on the Combined School trip to Australia. More of the trip later, but I would like to say at this point that Youngs T throwing is now much better and we are confident that he will soon be able to hit a barn door with an instrument borrowed from the Music Room.
Unfortunately Hartley D was not the only person to let themselves down. Mr Cockerill, House Master of Leicester House was also very rude to anyone who would listen when Lawes C was a little rough with Flood T. I understand that the lip reading class were particularly upset by the incident and I must say it was not what we expected to see on the new big screens we had installed for the game. Now I want to reassure you that we take this sort of thing quite seriously and although end of term activities, training days, residential etc meant that it took sometime to gather all of the Governors together we have decided to make an example of Mr Cockerill and have asked him to watch some next term’s games from the seats until he learns to behave better.
I am pleased to say that Saracens House have now finally moved into their new building, which I told is very smart with all the latest mod cons. The sight of young ladies dancing around the pitch has been a little distracting to the boys and we may have to review this policy. Apparently Harlequins House won a cup this year, but I’m not sure what it is called and I don’t think we can find it in the trophy cabinet. However I’m sure they played very hard and deserve whatever it was they won. Bath House continue to be a little disappointing and we hope they will soon come up with a plan for how they will improve their building, which to be frank is really letting the school down. It is with a little (but not too much) sadness that I have to say that the London Welsh House had to close. We found that some of the boys had not passed the selection process and the running of tuck shop was really not up to standard. Besides the House never really fitted in did it, they tried hard but they were never “one us us”, if you understand what I mean. On a brighter note I can report that Newcastle House is to reopen for the Autumn Term. Some of you with good memories will remember that they once won the Inter House Cup, which is more than we can say for Northampton House, despite all the money spent on their building. So we look forward to welcoming Newcastle House back into the school.
There has been an idea put forward by the Governors that all this opening and closing of Houses should now stop and I’m sure this will be discussed again next Term.
Finally I would like to touch on the Inter School tour of Australia. Now at first we were a little disappointed that more of our boys were not chosen and it seemed quite unfair that so many of those Welsh boys were selected. However in the end we decided that we were all in it together and were able to rejoice when the boys came home with the Trophy. I am also very pleased to announce that Northampton House has persuaded North G to join them next Term. It turns out that he is not too old or too rough but is really quite a splendid young fellow and we look forward to seeing him next Term. So now Mr Mallinder, you have the buildings and the boys ... time for you to win the Inter House Cup !!!
Whilst not wanting to end on a negative note, whilst we are talking about Northampton House, I have to say that the graffiti in the toilet block saying very rude things about Myler S has to stop. He is a splendid young man who always tries very hard, and know he has some new boys to help him I am sure he will do very well.
Now, all pleases rise for the School Hymn.
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“Those who desire to give up freedom in order to gain security will not have, nor do they deserve, either one.”
Benjamin Franklin
Tetleys Block F E143
Saint til I die
Cleverly done sir.
any chance of some on here adjusting their Eif Policy now that we have a young man from the principality playing in GB&G next season? Perhaps pretending Eif comes from Ruritania - or indeed, as sometimes seems, from Planet Gog?
"It's not the despair, Saints, I can take the despair. It's the hope I can't stand."
I did think I should have included a paragraph on House singing - Northampton House seem very keen, but they let themselves down by insisting on singing only the first verse, whilst the boys in Church's Wing don't appear to want to sing at all.
Once a scrum half .... always a scrum half
I thought Pisi Major and Pisi Minor would have warranted a mention but then when one considers that the Bursar mistakenly bought the wrong Pisi we might need to gloss over the affair.
In any event having a third overseas student from the Pisi family would have been very confusing, as we would have had to extend the little brass name card holders above their pegs in the changing rooms to take extra wide cards reading Pisi Major Major, Pisi Major Minor and Pisi Minor Minor.
The Bursar said that would be creating a precedent as they would each need two pegs for such big name cards and that isn't allowed in the rules for Junior School. Only since Pagel G has any boy been granted two peg status.
sadly not, and I was further disappointed when I went on to the Obits
Bridesmaids no more.
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